Well shit. 

Life has happened since I last posted in this space that contains my late teens and a lot of my 20's. 

I was reading a radio person's blog and remembered that I had this. Thankfully I still remembered the address and login. I've spent an hour reading through the early days of my radio career and my only long term relationship. For old time's sake I feel like I should do a run down of where life has taken me since early 2011.

-In May of 2011 life begin to explode for me. I broke up with my boyfriend Brett. Even in 2015 I can remember how painful yet easy that decision was. Shortly after the break up, my radio career took off.

-The "That Guy" Kramer In The Morning Show was courted by two radio stations owned by CBS radio. One in Tampa and one in Charlotte. After a lot of worrying and trying to predict the future, Holly, Kramer and myself decided Play 98.7 in Tampa was the best fit for us. In July of 2011 all of us packed up and moved down to central Florida.

-I learned all about failure between August 2011 and August 2012. The new station just could not gain any traction in the market - no matter how hard we worked. Sometime in the late Spring of 2012, we were told that our station would flip formats to a sports talk station. We were done in Tampa. The big call up to the major leagues (a top 20 radio market!) ended in frustration and sadness.

-In the Fall of 2012, Holly, Kramer and myself closed ranks and worked our asses off to find another radio home. We figured that if we put as much energy as we did into putting on a morning show into finding a job, it would happen. I learned here that you do not control life, it controls you.

-We went on two job interviews. One station in Sacramento and one in Boston. We walked away from both feeling confident and positive. Both times we heard no. But in these interviews, I would learn a couple of years later about leaving a lasting impression on people. You never know who will pop back into your life.

-In December of 2012, Holly found out that she was pregnant. It was WONDERFUL news, but we were still unemployed! AHHH! Also at that time, Island 106 back in Panama City called and wondered if I was interested in coming back to host my own show in the afternoon. I spent a week stressing over what my next move was. By the end of December, our contracts were going to be up with CBS and no more money was coming our way. What were we going to do?!

-I decided to head back to PCB and start a new journey on hosting a show. I teamed up with Mandy and we formed The Miguel & Mandy Show in the afternoon starting February 11th, 2013. I had SO much fun returning to Panama City. My mantra for the first few months back in town was #SameCityDifferentAdventure. It was great reconnecting with everyone.

-You just never know where life will take you. The morning show on Island 106 at the time was Davin & Ana. Sadly they had a family member pass away and had to step down as the morning show. Mandy and I rose to the morning show spot but knew that we had to bring Holly back. Holly, a few months pregnant, packed up her life and came back up to Panama City! So in April of that year, The Miguel Show with Mandy and Holly was born.

-The next two years were fun, frustrating, tiring, and SO fulling. Holly had a baby. Mandy had a baby. We brought the city together to raise $30,000 for a family in need. I rode a rollar coaster for 15 hours to raise over $5,000 for a local food bank. I lived on a bus for a week to collect over 5,000 toys for needy kids in the area. It was a great time. 

-In December of 2014, everything changed with a Facebook message. The Program Director Kramer, Holly and myself interviewed with in Boston a few years back was now the PD in Tampa Bay at the station that was so awesome it was part of the reason why our other radio station changed to sports back in 2012. He sent a facebook message asking if I had any audio I could send over of the show. 

-That message changed everything. In the coming months Holly, Mandy and myself would fly down to Tampa Bay to interview, we would send countless e-mails of audio, have many conversations on the phone turning over every rock of our show. 

-Then it happened. My agent Norm called me one Tuesday afternoon and told me HOT 101.5 had made an offer, but it was without Mandy. It was just for Holly and little ole' me. How could I make this decision, how could I leave Mandy in Panama City when she was so instrumental in our success? That was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. With lot's of advice from mentors in and out of radio, I decided I had to take a leap of faith. This was it. This is what half of this entire blog reaching back to 2002 is all about. My dreams. My aspirations. I had to see if I could make it in a big city. 

So here we are. It's May 19th of 2015 and I'm sitting at my desk in my office in Tampa, Florida still pinching myself that I'm the morning show host of an amazing radio brand. 

When I look back at other blog posts from the early days when I would wonder and question where was life taking me...it was all going to now. But you do realize this is only the beginning? I'm a few months away from my 30th birthday and I'm excited to see what life has in store. 

So there ya go blog. It's been a while since you and I talked, but you are all caught up on my Mundane Misgivings. :)

ps. Still not clear what that means.... lol

In the midst of a crazy work life right now where I'm always questioning if I want to wake up at 4:00am everyday, I recieved a wonderful e-mail this evening from Listener Jim.

date		Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 8:21 PM
subject		Maybe you'll be happier...maybe not.

I've recently taken up the bad habit of blogging and today I was inspired by your show which I listen to at least 4 days of the week. I hope I don't hurt any feelings with my comments but I was feeling honest and laid out my feelings/opinions of my favorite radio morning show. I'm not looking for anything in return, no begging for tickets or swag, but I thought you might appreciate knowing how I feel. I'm probably not what you would call an average listener since I love hard rock and heavy metal and I drive a dump truck. Lucky for me you four put on a great local program that I enjoy enough to listen to T.I. just so I won't miss a word of the show.

April 13, 2011

“There’s nothing romantic about surgery,” says Miguel Fuller of my favorite morning show, That Guy Kramer in the Morning. This show is on our local teeny-bopper station Island 106. Though I don’t like most of the music the station plays I love the interplay of the four cast members. Steven Kramer – the ambiguously sexual host is uptight and anxiety-ridden. His personality keeps the show together and really keeps the fun flowing. He has earned the top spot on his show through his Herculean efforts of maintaining control of the chaos that we call entertainment. Holly O’Connor-Sciolino. I probably spelled that wrong but I’m not Italian so maybe I can get away with it. Holly’s got a wild streak that makes her quite delectable. She’s the counterpoint to Kramer and their frictional relationship creates no end of hilarity and sometimes that rare moment of behind-the-scenes type openness that really helps draw listeners into a radio talk show. Her ability to talk about pretty much every aspect of her life without embarrassment or exaggeration adds a wonderfully human, sincere touch to the show. Miguel F. Fuller – Openly gay (not like Kramer) and black (also, not like Kramer). He’s the comic relief most times since he’ll go off on tangents spouting nonsense of racial/homosexual discrimination that he hasn’t experienced in his job. It is, however, hilarious to hear him explode and he’s probably a lot of fun to hang out with. It’s nice to hear him talk frankly about his life as a double-minority and it makes me feel good to hear the acceptance he gets from his fellow cast members. Miguel may possibly be destined for super-stardom if he ever breaks free from the black hole we call Bay County. Mandy Williamson – Mandy is hot. I know it’s a radio show but they have their pictures all over the internet and they host the annual Christmas parade. Holly is attractive but Mandy makes men howl. Unfortunately she has a serious self-confidence problem that is slowly dwindling. It’s been quite nice to hear her come out of her shell. As the only parent on the show we (meaning other parents) get to hear a different perspective on common problems parents face. Since she worked her way from unpaid intern to full time producer the show has become even more wonderful. In review, I really love the That Guy Kramer in the Morning radio show on Island 106. I listen to the program even though I detest the music of Pit Bull, Rihanna, Chris Brown and most of the rest of the station’s music line up. I hope they stick around our airwaves for a few years so I don’t have to listen to the schmucks on the other morning shows, most of whom live hundreds of miles from here and have no idea of what our lives are about here in PC, FL. Without the combination of Kramer, Holly, Miguel and Mandy this show wouldn’t be the amazing program that we know and love. Perhaps these four hooligans can remain friends long enough to see me through to retirement so I don’t have to listen to wind noise in my dump truck at work just to stave off impending insanity.

This job of morning radio can be grueling. I don't think unless you wake up at 4am every day can someone truly understand how it wrecks your body. It's easy to lose focus on why I do what I do. I dreamed and worked so hard to do morning radio and sometimes I completely forget why.

Here's a great e-mail I recevived from a listener that reminds me why I love my job:

from m@BLANK.com to miguel@island106.com date Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 8:26 AM subject Thanks!!

Hi, Miguel!

I have been intending to email you for a while and am just now getting around to it. I was listening a while back when they were replaying older segments. They happened to play the "If you really knew me you'd know..." and you were talking about your struggles with weight. I listened to this and cried all the way to work, my heart really went out to you.

As the day went on I thought more and more about what you had said and how I really felt the same way. I am always the "funny one" or I hear "but your face is so pretty" and God knows living here I am not nearly as comfortable in swimsuits and shorts as I should be to participate or even enjoy things in the summer time with my friends. I realized how completely tired of feeling that way I really was and that I needed to take control and change things! I am a single parent and I need to be 100% healthy and happy and convey these things to my daughter so that she will grow up to be healthy and happy with herself as well.

I went January 3rd and joined Resolutions Weight Loss in town and renewed my rarely utilized membership at Golds Gym. I have since taken my diet and exercise very seriously and had very few "cheats" or lazy days where I was not in the gym or active. I have lost 22 pounds now and I have to you thank for that! I have a long way to go but I feel so much better already! Thank you so much for being so open, honest and all around FABULOUS!

Best Regards,
Memory

Lord! It's been a coon's age since I've written in this old thing. I feel like the Mundane Misgivings of Miguel is like a old beat up journal. You only think about it in time of great need or boredom. I was having dinner with friends tonight and someone remembered I had a blog! After I finish writing I think I'll take a stroll through memory lane and read some of my posts from high school and college. That Miguel was such a different person than who I am today.

When I started this blog I was 17 years old and a senior in high school. I'm now 25 and four years removed from college. WOW!

I find it harder to write in my blog now. When I was in college I would just type whatever came into my mind. But now, as an adult, the rules have changed. You can't just type exactly what's in your mind because God forbid you offend someone.

EEEK! Now I'm just rambling. Let's just do a quick run down of where I am in life:

-I'm approaching the 3 year mark of co-hosting a radio morning show in Panama City Beach. Never in a million years would I think I would live here. The time I've spent here has been amazing. I've met so many life long friends and discovered so much about myself I wouldn't change my time here for anything.

-I'm living with my boyfriend Brett (almost celebrating a year together!), my co-host on the morning show Holly and her husband Christopher. It's a lot of people in one little ole' house!

-Since my early days of college I have become a bit of social butterfly. I went from never wanting to go out and meet new people to going out all the time. I've been endorsing a gay bar here in PC for almost two years now. I talk about it on the radio and a lot and host the drag shows. That has been so fun to me. It's like putting on a mini-comedy show...well when I'm sober enough to put words together. EEEK!

-My weight loss journey continues. I lose it. I gain it. I lose it. I gain it. I'm sitting a pretty substantial weight right now. I'm so ready to shed the pounds. Next week I start endorsing a local Gold's Gym here. I'll see a personal trainer 3 times a week. I can't wait to start this journey.

Well that's all I can really chew off right now about what's going on. There's always so much to talk about, but I have a movie in the DVD player I want to get to and my eyelids are getting heavy. I'm telling myself I want to spend more time here on this space to articulate more of how I am feeling and thinking this year. Let's hope it happens!

Brett and I just had a talk about our relationship. These talks happen a lot. To me that is a good thing. We are continuing to get to know each other. I threw out there that I feel like we don't talk a lot. About social commentary on friends, pop culture, ourselves, life. I just want us to communicate more. I also said that we should do something fun once a week during the week just between the two of us. Going skating, bowling, shopping, movies, something to get us alone and doing stuff. I also want to know what's going on in his head. Brett is a very intro perspective person. I want him to be more vocal about his thoughts. I want in his head! lol He wants me to be more supportive of him while he is piecing his life back together. He went a couple of years without human contact almost. So now being pushed back into the real world. He has a list of things he wants to get done and I want to help him with that. We also hit on pot smoking and transitioning out of being single to being truly in a relationship. It's a state of mind, I feel like, that slow creeps into your brian. To be honest, my thought is not always Brett, but he's there. But we are getting to the point where that is the case. So lessons learned today: Support each other. He wants to be more fit, get his life together. I want to be more fit and focus my energy on being healthy. Communication: Just because we silence does not mean it's awkward silence. He's not use to the talking or being talked at all the time. Something to work on for both of us. Well here we are ole' thing. I'm back. I'm 24, the rules of life are different. But we will explore them together just like we have for the past 7 years. :)

Ugh. Why is it so hard for me to communicate? I was giving advice to a couple of friends who always seem to be going through some sort of emotional tiff. When they have serious discussions about their relationship and life THEY DO IT THROUGH TEXT! WHAT?! To me it's one thing communicate through e-mail, but putting every emotion, thought and feeling into a simple black and white screen just doesn't sit right with me. BUT, those who judge first shall judge ye...or...something like that. I don't believe you should text serious stuff like that, but at the same token, I can't communicate to save my life! I do it every morning for my job. I talk, I banter, I chime in with modeartly witty quikps about life. But when it comes down to the bone of communicating with someone I may like or am trying to decide what to do, NOTHING COMES OUT. I'm like a 14 year old boy trying to ask out a senior to prom. My tongue gets tied and nothing comes out. I think I'm afraid of rejection and they thought of someone taking what I say, my honest feelings, and throwing them at me makes me want to cringe. But then again, how many people do you come into contact with or that you are talking would actually do something like that? They would listen to your side, give their side and you move on. hmmmm.

In times of trouble or great sadness in my life, I have turned to this blog to let it out. This is a day I will never forget. This is a moment I will not be able to erase from my brain.

I recieved a call one hour ago from my Mother informing that my cousin, my baby cousin, the one I use to baby sit when he was a just a little child, has taken his own life. I don't understand. I can't comprehend. I can't wrap my brain around it.

This phrase will be uttered many times over the next few months..."I just saw him and he seemed fine..." I did just see him. Christmas Day. He told me he was going to come visit and stay with me on the beach. I don't understand. My family has never experienced a tragedy such as this.

I'm afraid. I'm paralyzed. I just have no words.

Lord, please keep his soul at peace and I pray that he...I pray that he what? What do you say in this situation? Keep his soul safe? Keep him protected? My mind is running wild and I need to do something. I just...

I love you Antonio Burke. You will always be my baby cousin who threw up on my arm just months after you were born. You will always be my cousin with the killer smile. You will be my little cousin with so much talent and charisma, the world was just waiting to see what you had.

At times when I'm dog tired or my checking account has hit negative one hundred dollars, I always ask myself.."WHY AM I DOING THIS STUPID RADIO THING?!" Then I remember e-mails like the one I got from a guy who worked under me at my college station at Georgia Southern. I was the Program Director and Morning Show Host at the time. He came on as a fresh baby DJ. I helped him along and after a semester I put him on the night show. He was a great talent but just ended up not liking radio. Well I haven't spoke to him in about two years and then I open up my facebook messages and get this from him:

August 26 at 7:54pm

Hey Miguel,

I was just thinking about you latley. I have Dr. M. S. for theory of mass comm (hate the class but she is cool) and she and I talked a little about you and I was talking with some people that are talking about bringing back the morning show and that reminded me of you as well.

I just wanted to say man, that you just have some incredible talent and it makes me really proud for you that you have really accomplished so much with all of your creativeness and your degree. You were really under-appreciated when you worked here at GSU but the radio station has never been at the same quality you had it at after you left.

I'm not doing broadcasting anymore (mainly because you helped scare me out of it) and am doing public relations instead so you don't have to worry about me begging for a job from you in the future but I definitely reserve the right to name drop when you become a john tesh or a ryan seacrest (i know you just cringed when you read that).

Overall just keep it up man and if I'm ever in Panama City (which may be never but who knows) and your at the station, you should give me a tour.

Take care man.

Sincerely,

Mike O.

-->Wow. On a very bad day, that was a SUPER delight to read. =)

To make a change…

What do you do?

Stay where you are?

"He who has the goals, makes the rules." - Tyler Perry...something to focus on...

Wow. Today has definitely picked my brain. I have so many thoughts right now and I’m not sure where to start. I’m thinking of several different things right now:

>Weight

>Career

>Helping society

>Passing on a legacy

Looking at the list, I can’t help but wonder how the hell did I go between all these topics? That’s just a normal day inside my head. I’m always swirling with ideas, solutions and new paths to walk down. Let me tackle the first one.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I’m over my weight issues. It should be a NON issue. I have worked my butt off in so many parts of life. Finishing high school, getting my two-year degree, graduating with my BS from GSU. No one ASKED me to do those things, they weren’t even required by anyone, but I just felt as if I needed to do those things to become a productive member of society. In my ongoing struggle to become a more complete WHOLE person, I have to take the same fervor that I applied to all those years of schooling and apply them to my weight loss. I’m tired of complaining about it, I’m tired of feeling this way. I just simply have to shut up and do it. I feel like in the back of my mind I’ve been waiting for some easy answer to make me be skinny while enjoying the gross foods that I love. When it comes down to it, I just have to change. End of story. Learn to like foods that I don’t normally like. It has to change or I will die. Not being melodramatic or anything…

My career. This has caused me much confusion in the past two years. I made my goal and I reached it…well sort of….I work in radio full-time, I do a morning show, which has been my dream, now what? Do I continue to work up this ladder until something big happens or do I go for something bigger? Now here’s where the other two points come into play. A huge piece of my heart lightens up when I’m able to give to people who don’t have… I know that I want to give back and serve some how. So how do I do both – radio and serve? What do I focus on? And here we are…a cross roads…I’ve had a road map my entire life of where I was going. Has that ultimate goal changed? Is the route I’m going to take different?

Something that really stuck me tonight was Black In America on CNN. They focused on this program called MLT. They take young minorities and give them leadership skills to go on and get their MBA and work at Fortune 500 companies or open up their own place of business. It has my gears thinking…what do I want to do? How do I want to do it? So many questions. I think it’s time to pull out the road map and do some assessing.

This really went no where. I just needed to get some stuff out of my head. Will organize later.

I got an e-mail from a listener today that just didn't sit right with me. For a person who talks on the radio for four hours a day, you are going to offend someone...at least once a day. But this just hurt my feelings because I don't want anyone to think this about me. Here's the actual segment that played on the radio Thursday, July 3rd....

Listen to the segment here: http://www.zshare.net/audio/62152184a0c09722/

Here's the e-mail I got from K.T. after the show

So Miguel i just heard your rendition of one of our countries patriotic songs. First off you were never in chains, second your own people sold your ancestors. If you have a problem with this country THEN LEAVE! I'm a operation enduring freeedom Veteran who seen some of my best friends Killed overseas fighting for this country we LOVE. I always liked you as a radio personality before today, i've seen you out and about many times but when you start making fun of something i put my life on the line for and would DIE FOR we have a huge problem. If you continue to bad mouth my country and degrade her patriotic songs i'll break your neck myself! I'm not joking one bit! Think about this for one second we all know what you look like because of your job, you have no idea what i look like or any of my brothers i serve with. PLEASE watch your mouth when it comes to this country. what happened back then is tragic but i wasn't alive then neither was my father or his father. If you want to complain about it then do it some other way not by bad mouthing our country please. I lost all respect for you today and i hope next time i see you out at a club i can bite my tongue and supress my temper. Have a wonderful damn Day. Oh yeah ,Happy Independence Day!

----K.T. didn't provide a valid e-mail address so that's why I'm addressing this on my blog. Here's the e-mail I drafted to K.T...ps. If you are reading this, I would love to chat with you about this K.T.! E-mail me back.

Okkkaayyy…this is a whole lot to take in. I’m hurt that you would think that about me…I LOVE this country. K.T., from your e-mail I would assume that you are a frequent listener…you know that we poke fun at EVERYTHING. We are there to laugh and make fun of each other and everything else. But let me just clear the air a little bit...

1. You make a great point, I was never in chains. I understand this. But if you listen to the clip, I was poking fun at the fact that I don’t know the lyrics. Everyone in the studio started singing to the song – we all were having fun with the song...

2. I was in NO WAY making fun of you or your friends who have fought so bravely for this county. In no way would I EVER make fun of the military. I spent an entire week with the Marines out at Parris Island this winter! I have HUGE amounts of respect for people who go out of their way to sacrifice their life for this great country and the rights that we were ALL granted...

3. Now, I understand that you are upset for the misunderstanding of what you thought I meant, but don’t make threats. You know I’m all about love and peace! I just want everyone to sit around, share a vodka cranberry and joke about life!

4. If I ever talk about slavery on the show, it’s never about bad-mouthing this country. Slavery happened. Whether we want to talk about that or not. It happened. Having discussions on the show about slavery and me giving my VIEWPOINTS about the repercussions of slavery are not meant to slight you or our founders or anyone. It’s just a discussion...

5. Please don’t ask me to leave the country. That’s hurtful and shouldn’t even be part of the argument you are making...

Okay. I hope from the response you can see that what you heard on the radio was in no way making fun of this country...

On July 4^th I’ll be in Panama City waving my American flag like the AMERICAN that I am. If it weren’t for this great country, I would NOT have the job I have. I am grateful for this wonderful country and the ability to wake up every morning and speak my mind on different topics...

If you do see me in public, let’s talk! I love having discussions!! And I hope you know I mean that with sincerity...

Have a wonderful 4^th of July!

Miguel Fuller