Thursday, September 25, 2003

Who feels stupid? I do, I do. So today I had my American Government test, which totally sucked ass. I mean, I thought English and Government were the two subjects that I had a clue about. I guess not. The way Prof. Simms had the questions worded made me want to barf! I just, I was super confused, and so was the rest of the class. When we walked in she said, “The test is easy, it should only take you about twenty or twenty five minutes to finish.” HA! The first person who finished didn’t get up until the forty five mark! Liar! After the test I got a bit of good news. She handed back our quizzes from last week and I earned a 90! So that was fun. Oh yes, I think I forgot to put in here that I got a part in the fall production of, “The Laramie Project.” I have like eight parts; it’s going to be really fun, but super hard. I have a hell of a time memorizing lines, so we shall see how this plays out.

I just found this site on someone else's blog, I don't know what to think about it... http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

Out to lunch…

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

New look! I just spent three hours (i know, I'm just learning how to do all of this!) redoing the site and what not. I hope you all like. Whenever the Shout Out (guestbook) things starts working agian, leave a message and tell me what you think!

Well for once I have an entry where I’m not bitching about what someone has done to me at this [redneck, ghetto] school. (Couldn’t help myself) I’ve really got to stop complaining about these stupid people! OH OH OH…I forgot…the other day I was driving on one of the roads that takes you out of the campus, and guess what I see crossing the freaking road…CHICKENS!!!! I stopped the car, and laughed. Chickens, COCKS, I just, yeah… chickens…

Yesterday I held the first staff meeting of the newspaper as the Editor. I was SO nervous. I mean, I’ve been in plenty of meetings and held plenty of meetings, but most of the time I knew what I was talking about. The majority of the people on staff were either on their high school newspaper staff, or have been on staff with the college paper for a year. I felt like the little new kid who just comes in and tries to change everything. But they all seemed to like me and my ideas, so I thought that was cool. But in thinking about how I got the position of Editor, the conversation that I had several times with Mr. Scott, about myself, in high school came back to me: People don’t always have to be really smart to succeed, they just have to have a really hard work ethic. It’s so funny though, most of these people have like real experience writing articles and editorials, and yesterday I was like, “Um yeah, I was on the Yearbook staff in high school, so I can…write really boring captions!” But we shall see… hopefully I will bring some edge to the paper. Well as much edge as I have, but I think I have very much… I guess I’ll find out.

Off to lunch….

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Ok, by the end of the semester, if the four baseball players who sit in their seats sleeping the whole class get a higher grade then me in Humanities, then I might just go and drown myself in Sprite [or Sierra Mist]. I will. I promise. (maybe not promise….) I don’t understand how people can just sit there and sleep the whole class period. I’m not talking about the sleeping where you have your head slightly bent down to look as if you’re reading, and every now and then you move around so the teacher thinks your enjoying the lecture or taking really good notes. No, these people don’t have ANY books, pens, pencils, anything on their desks. They have their baseball hats pulled over their heads, their legs up in the chair, head cocked to the side, and off to sleepy land. Four of them, in a row together; I don’t understand. I would be scared to do something like that. But I guess if you got it like it that, then why not.

I’m hungry. ~~you eat like my dog~~ Thanks Caitlin

Thursday, September 18, 2003

It’s funny how some people are. How some people like to have all attention on them, no matter what the price, or who ends up being the bud of the joke.

Take for example tonight. Picture it: I’m getting out of my car in the parking lot, getting all of my stuff together to walk in to the dorm. The new gym is right beside the dormority; they both share the same parking lot. The group of “black” people come out of the gym. (I say “black” people because these are the African-American’s who believe that to be black you have to wear over seized t-shirts, have your pants hanging around your knees, and say words like, “Right thurr,” and “shauty.”) I’m walking with my happy self, smiling, just walking.

“Person with the backpack, Sedrick likes you!” I hear.
In my head, I think, Ok, I’m the only person walking with a backpack, hmmm, whatever.
“Look at the way that faggot walks.”
Ok, I think, Now I know there talking about me, there’s no one else around, shit!
So what do I do? I keep my little legs movin', I don’t even turn my head around. Maybe if I keep walking, don’t turn around, they won’t notice me and stop talking about me. No such luck, but, I finally reach the door to get inside the dorm, but not without hearing one more comment, “He wears them goddamn muscle shirts just like a fucking faggot.” Ok, first off, this little shirt is from Banana Republic [BITCH] secondly, this is NOT a muscle shirt, fucker! Anyway, I walk into the common room, and head straight for the C-Wing, where my lovely little piece of hell is located.

So, this is what I have to deal with. And you know what really sucks about the whole thing? I’m TOO damn passive aggressive! If I were at Roswell High, I would have whipped around, and given those bastards a real good tongue-lashing. [Not that type!] But here, I just can’t do it. AH! But I feel the anger simmering down their in the pit of my stomach, it’s building, oh yes it’s building, and one day I’m just going to lose it. Then they can really see what a gay person is like; see how bitchy we (not all) can get. Until then I channel my anger to the computer, for this blog, annnnd for the The South Georgian; that’s the school newspaper. I forgot to write in here that I am officially the Editor-in-Chief! Go me! So I have that as an outlet for my anger. But after that little incident, I came to my room, put on my Christina Aguilera cd and banged away at the computer keyboard. AH! The stupidity of people is just amazing. What really gets me is the fact that NONE of them have ever spoken a word to me. Gosh, if you’re going to talk about me, at least introduce yourself! Bitches!

After listening to number 20 (‘Keep on Singin My Song’) from Christina Aguilera’s latest cd, I felt a little better. I just LOVE that song! These lines just get me every time, “I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and nobody’s gonna bring me down today.” “I believe they can take anything from me but they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me…they can say all they wanna say about me, but I’m gonna carry on, I’mma keep on singin’ my song” YES girl! (Gay moment) I’mma gonna keep on singin my song and ain’t (yes, I just typed ain’t on purpose) NOBODY gonna take MY inner peace. Oh yes…..

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

A LOT happened this weekend. It was a good weekend. I had fun this weekend. I wish it were still this weekend. HA! I’m trying some new technique of writing that my English professor is trying to bang into our heads, I think it’s working, or not. Anyhow, I DID have a wonderful weekend. This was the weekend that I went to Atlanta and spent the whole time with Cory. I didn’t even go home. I got us a hotel and we there, did homework, hung out, talked. That’s it. Think what you want. I am not some cheap who would travel four hours to get sex, I’m a much deeper person then that. HA! No but really it was fun, it was good to know that we could spend 24 hours together and still get along, so that makes me happy. But once again, it was a VERY fun time. We talked, did stuff, talked, did stuff, worked on homework, did stuff, ate, did stuff, slept, did stuff, went home. Well it wasn’t that much, I do have my limits. But yay, Go CORY!

SOOO for some reason I have been on this UGA kick. For some reason it seems as if UGA is calling my name, but I’ve had my heart set on Emerson for the past two years. A lot of my teachers and friends here have been telling me that I shouldn’t have come to SGC, that I should have went to UGA. I went online and did some research on UGA and it seems like a really good school. And I don’t know if I want to continue being a Communications major or changing it to journalism. I wonder if I can do broadcast journalism, but if I do that then it might be hard for me to go for a Public Relations job if I have a Broadcast journalism degree, but that's if I decide to go that route. AH! So many choices. But I’m supposed to being going to UGA in October for this Theater Conference. It will be my first visit up to Athens, so I guess I shall see if I like it up there.

One more issue to deal with. My disorder. Well maybe not a disorder, more like an infatuation. My infatuation with food. I can’t stop freaking eating. I love food. If I could marry a freaking hamburger I would. I would dress it up in ketchup, mayo, and mustard, oh yes, and don’t forget the pickles. Put the burger in a nice dress, walk the yummy little piece of cow down the aisle, and go to TOWN with it that night on the honeymoon. But really, I wonder if maybe I do that problem with wanting to eat so much. I mean right now it’s 12:57 AM and I’m sitting here wondering if I should go to Mickey D’s (Is it me, or does it seems as if only black people refer to McDonald’s as Mickey D’s?) But right here, in my cell room at South Georgia College I make a pledge to:

1) Not eat after 6:00 P.M.
2) Not eat more then three hamburgers a week.
3) TRY to at least eat one vegetable a day.
4) Start off drinking one bottle of water a day, and progress every two weeks to another bottle of water.
5) STAY AWAY FROM CHOCLATE CHIP COOKIES (But I just have to have more from the cafĂ©, and that’s it!)
6) ONLY eat three meals a day.
7) No SNACKS!
8) Umm…I can’t think of anything else, I guess that’s it.

No this isn’t a let’s lose weight thing (who am I kidding, of course it is!), it’s a let me be more healthy so I can walk up the one flight of stairs to my room and not be out breathe thing. SO…I start tomorrow…. after my chocolate chip cookie tomorrow morning!


Thursday, September 11, 2003

I have nothing in particular to write about, but I just felt like typing. Hmmm….let’s see. I’m really bored right now... I’m sitting in the Student Activities office at my computer doing nothing. This is like my hang out place. I don’t really like hanging out in the dorms, so I come here. I might be coming home this weekend. But it all depends on what happens with Cory. I hope I do get to go; it will be like a mini-vacation before things start to get crazy here at school. Were having auditions for “The Laramie Project: A Play,” next Monday and Tuesday. I’m not sure if I want to audition yet. I have a lot on my plate and that would just add a whole lot to it, but I would just love to get a part and be able to perform in such a wonderful play.

It’s really cool to finally be 18 and be able to do what ever you want. Well some whatever. But it’s cool to know that I COULD do whatever I wanted. I’m usually in bed by 11:30 or 12:00, I just don’t see the excitement in staying up until 2:00 A.M. and then having to wake up at 7:30 for an 8:00 Class. Everyone’s different I guess. Well it seems as if I have rambled on enough.

Monday, September 08, 2003

I just don’t understand the stupidity of some people, or I guess I should say the ignorance of people. …. I think I’m sacred. I’ve never been sacred for my safety when it comes to being gay. I’ve always held on to this belief that God would always come through for me, I still believe that, I’m just afraid of the evil in some people.

I moved into the C-Wing Saturday night; I moved over here because I’m the new RA for the 2nd floor C-Wing so it requires me to live here on the wing. [Side note: C-Wing 3rd & 2nd floor is the whole baseball team] Sunday a bunch of the baseball players knocked on my door and asked who I was and what I was doing here, but they way they asked it wasn’t mean or anything, I thought they were genuinely being nice by asking who I was. One of the players asked if I smoked, I said, “No.” Another asked if I drank, again, I said, “No.” In a collective sigh they all said, “damn!” I laughed, and then said, “I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I’m here for a reason, so if I see you doing something like that, then I have no choice but to report you.” They then looked at me in frustration and of course vocalized their “damns” and “shits.” Someone reached around to their back pocket and pulled out a wad of cash as to infer that I take the money to be quiet about their illegal activities, I simply laughed and shook my head. They all then dispersed to their rooms. I didn’t think anything of the what had transpired, I thought my first “meeting” was a success... I guess I was wrong.

When you come from outside into the dorms you have to walk through the common room to get to your wing. I’m in the C-Wing so I have to walk across the other side of the common room. As I was reaching the C-Wing door I heard someone make a funny, flamboyant, feminine voice and say, “I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I’m here for a reason…” I walked inside the C-Wing door and stopped to listen, they couldn’t see me, even if they had, I don’t think they would have cared if I had heard them. But I THINK, I heard them say something to the effect of faggot and that they were going to try and pull a prank…I’m not sure, but that’s what I THINK I heard at the end. I hate when that happens, I get so upset I can’t really think and remember situations. I came to my room and just sat on my bed.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give in and go to another school because of the bad stuff that’s happened to me here so far. I mean it’s only been a few incidents but I’m not used to this, I’m used to everyone liking me and not giving a rat’s ass about my sexual orientation. I know my mom would be more then happy to come and get me, but I just can’t do that. If I decided to move, that would be kind of like a message to all the hick ghetto folk here that gays are weak and can’t take the heat. I don’t want to send that message; suppose someone comes here next semester after I’ve packed up my shit and hit the highway and they start to mercilessly tease that person because of their sexual orientation. I just simply can’t let that happen.

This is what I think. I think God let me have a very easy time with the whole coming out process to prepare me for this. I felt an overwhelming sense of acceptance from everyone in my high school, I felt so loved. I think I have to tap into that feeling of love in order to get through all the shit I think I might have to endure while I’m here. It’s going to be tuff, but I pray that God sees me through this safely. I pray that he teaches these people acceptance and love, I pray that he gives me an inner peace to be able to deal with all the crazy crap I might be store for. I just pray that God stays with me.

***After thought [a couple of hours later] Right now I’m feeling a sense of empowerment. You know, it doesn’t matter if I have to fight this battle alone, after everything is said and done I will have the satisfaction that I can overcome anything. This is just another chapter in my life where I’m going to trample over adversity. Fuck these country ass rednecks. I came here to get my education and transfer to Emerson College, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to use every avenue possible to make sure that my stay here at South Georgia College is enjoyable (and maybe teach these people about tolerance). NO ONE, I mean NO ONE is going to run Miguel F. Fuller from anywhere. I’ve survived through hell twice, I can do it again. Hell fuckin YES!


Sunday, September 07, 2003

The past few days have been cool...nothing much to report. Today I worked with Phillip and everyone to start the Haunted House. It's in an old dorm... it's really scary; I know it's going to be really fun when it's all done. Tonight I moved over to the C-Wing, to the none black wing. I swear, I think the B-Wing 1st floor is ALL black people....I've asked the RM if they did that on purpose and he swears that it just happened like that..hmmm... well it doesn't matter, I'm not there anyway...I think next week I start my duties as RA....awesome..I thought that we only got paid $250 a semester (sp?), but it's actually $250 a month, it's not a lot for a month, but for just having to walk around and write people up, which I will (MUHAHAHA), I think that's damn good. Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory...that's how my brain works now...that's all I think about now...I'm so excited for us...YAY! Oh, I had my first two college quizzes last week..one in Political Science and one in English, or I should say Composition 1102…. it’s really ironic how in high school I thought I was the shit in English, I get here and it feels like I’ve only had English lessons in Elementary school and just stopped there! But it’s cool…I’ll find out next week how I did on the quizzes… But yeah....I'm in Tyler's room and he's looking at me like, "Get the F%$# out my room!" So I think I'll end it here.... I'm really tired too....

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Well things have gotten A LOT better since yesterday. I just LOVE how life can bring so many different ups and downs! Well, like I mentioned in my last post, Cory and I got together this weekend. I’m SUPER excited about us being together. It feels so right when the two of us are together. When we were just riding around with each other Sunday night, we both agreed that it seems like we’ve known each other for years…aww it’s so awesome. I already miss him! I can’t wait to see him again!

So yesterday I got that nasty note that just set me off and made my day horrible, but it got better! Last night I found out that one of the RA’s got fired because he was drinking with the some of the soccer players (dumbass). So there was a vacancy for that job…well of course knowing me and how I just LOVE to swoop in and take over, I talked to our Resident Manager and asked him what the laws are about incoming Freshman being RA’s, he says he doesn’t really care what they are. He thinks I’m a pretty nice guy and could do a good job, so, I’m the new RA for the C Wing! AWESOME! That’s a PAYING job also, SO not only am I getting paid for being an RA, I’m also getting paid to be the Graphics Director…. To just make the day even better, we had out first newspaper meeting today. The adviser lady is really cool and sweet. She appointed me and my friend Tyler as the Layout Editor’s; she said we could do anything with the layout of the paper! THEN, she said that there might be a chance that I could be Editor –In-Chief- this semester! ME, FRESHMAN, MIGUEL, EDITIOR!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! PLEASE keep your fingers crossed! She liked my writing’s that I showed her, so that’s a plus. And she’s also going to let me have my own column, “Miguel’s Soapbox.” HELL YES!!! AND, to just put the cherry on top, Phillip, the Activities Director, told me today that the play I suggested South Georgia do this fall, “Laramie Project: A Play,” is going go on. We are actually going to be doing that play this fall! OH FREAKIN YEAH!!!! I’m SO excited right now! Now I just have to make sure I keep my grades up! Emerson College is just going to eat my resume up, I HOPE! lol

You know what would make this day PERFECT?!??! If I could talk to CORY!!!!!!!! I miss him!
Why? Why are some people small-minded? Or better yet, what makes people do stupid ass things? I’m just really curious as to why. I’ve been gone this whole weekend. I went back to Atlanta for Labor Day weekend. It was wonderful. I got to see my family one more time, I got to listen to Q100 for one more time, and I got’s me a boyfriend! YAY for me. Cory and I made it official, that were exclusive September 1st. On the way back to school Lisa and had so much fun laughing and talking. I couldn’t feel any better, but of course something has to bring it all crashing down. As I open my door to come into my room with an armload of stuff, I notice a piece of paper on the floor. I get excited; maybe it’s my first piece of mail! I bend down; pick up the note, which is on a white sheet of paper and it’s in computer writing, and it reads. “We Love Dick If Interested See Room 104 in B Wing. Ask for Kinyata!” What the motherfuckin hell! I am SOOO pissed right now. This small motherfuckin minded pricks! But you know what, if they want to battle with me, let them bring it on. I’m ready for anything they can dish out; I just hope they can take it all back! Stupid ignorant fools! But I don’t care, I’m too tired to even sit and think about these little games they want to play….