Saturday, December 31, 2005

The holidays are almost over. Thank God. Life can get back to normal and people can stop pretending to like each other. HA! I’m supposed to be an optimist…

This break has been a busy one. I’ve been visiting, working, running around getting things done. I’ve also spent A LOT of money. Too much actually. But meh, you only live once, right?

Let’s see…this week has been especially entertaining. I got to hang out with long time (like middle school) friend Jessica. I went up to her sister, Lianne, and fiancés, Justin, house Monday and Tuesday and hung out. The first night I went, I spent a few hours talking to Justin. WOW. This guy is very insightful. He’s going to make a great creative coach one day. We talked a lot about recent situations in my life and what I need to do to start afresh. I walked away from that meeting feeling very empowered. I went and hung out with J afterwards. We went and saw ‘Wolf Creek.’ Do NOT see this movie. That was a total waste of two hours of my life. The whole first hour of the film doesn’t make any sense and doesn’t add to the movie. It was so disappointing. From the trailer, the movie looked really good. How wrong I was. After J and I hung out, I went back over to Lianne and Justin’s to hang out some more. I ended up staying the night. Before we all went to bed, Adam, an old friend of Lianne’s from high school came over. He was really cool. The second night, Tuesday, I ended up doing the same thing. Just going over there and hanging out.

Thursday night, after I got off of work, J and I met up to exchange Christmas presents. I normally don’t buy presents for friends and ask them not to buy me anything. Most of my friends are as broke as I am, so I would rather people spend their money somewhere else, ya know? But J said a couple of weeks ago that he had started buying stuff for my present. Stuff, as in plural—there were several presents. I went into “creative” mode trying to think of things to get him. Since I had a talk with him earlier in the week telling him how I needed to get over him (that’s a long story I just don’t have the energy to get into), I didn’t want to get to mushy with the presents. But I went with: A Starbucks gift card because that’s where we first met, the “40-year-old Virgin’ on DVD because that’s the first movie we saw together, a poet’s journal so he can write down all the poems, drawings, and thoughts he’s having during the day when his laptop isn’t around and finally, a copy of my all-time favorite book, “A Density of Souls.” So, I guess that was okay. He seemed to like it all. I was VERY excited by what he got me…A Budweiser beer (it’s because I don’t drink and need to “loosen” up. lol), a really nice card with a cute message inside that almost made me tear up, his favorite book “100 Years of Solitude.” I can’t wait to start reading that book. I’ve heard so much about it, but I have never gotten around to actually reading the book. Like J wrote in the inside flap, Oprah liked it, so it must be damn good. And finally, he bought me a candle lantern. His Grandmother, on her deathbed, gave me something similar and told him a nice story about it. He found a replica of the lantern and gave it to me and told me the same thing his Grandmother told me about it. I almost lost it when he told me this. We were sitting in the back of IHOP exchanging gifts at like 1am. We must have looked a mess. A black and Mexican man exchanging gifts in the Roswell IHOP. Lovely. I loved all the presents. Well, he sure is making it hard for me to stop “pining” over him. Goodness.

Afterwards, it was like two something in the morning and I didn’t feel like driving all the way home, so Michael let me stay at his apartment. We got to talk and catch up. Then it was back to work in the afternoon. I think I’ve spent more time at Barnes & Noble than I have at home. lol

I’m actually really excited because I’m going back to the ‘boro this Wednesday. I can’t wait to get back in my bed and stand in my shower. I love having my own apartment. Just grand I tell you.

New Years Eve is today, right now. What will I be doing tonight to ring in the New Year? Well, first I’ll start the evening off at a fancy shin dig. It’s this place called Barnes & Noble. I hear it’s all the rage this year. Meh. But yeah, I’m working tonight. I don’t have plans for tonight, but who knows what will pop up. I still have to be back at the bookstore on New Years day at 1pm. I don’t mind at all seeing as how that is time and a half pay for a holiday. I am not complaining having to work on New Years Day. Hell, I’d even work a double if someone wanted me to. I likes the money!!

My eyes are dropping and I still want to read a little more of this book I’m reading so I can get to J’s book.

Good day!

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 26, 2005

What’s that saying Morgan always uses when she makes a mistake? “Goddamn, I suck at life!” I feel like that, somewhat.

I finished reading “Back Where He Started” the other day. WONDERFUL book. Fabulous book. I really connected with the main character Chris. Not that I would know what it’s like to be a 49 year old white gay man, but the personal struggles he went through. The family that he built, that he worked so hard to keep and maintain, I want that. Something else that really stuck out to me is the relationship between Chris and Steve. The two most unlikely people end up being perfect for each other. And here’s the catch—they were honest with each other. They told each other what they expected and communicated. Chris was able to move on from a 22 year relationship and find his soul mate. As Chris said in the book, he had to move away from the long relationship “cold turkey.” I think it’s time for me to do that. I do not know what I’m doing. Pining away for someone that is clearly unavailable and not interested in a romantic relationship. I’ve got to leave that alone, cold turkey. I don’t want to, but if I keep playing with this fire, it will consume me whole and no fire fighter will be able to save me. God I ache for this person. Now, in the manual for being human, what page is the “Turn Feelings ON and OFF” on? I really need to read that so I can turn these feelings on and off.

Have you ever had a person in your life that really liked you? I mean, they let you know every time they were around you that they were interested. They would turn simple jokes into innuendo about their feelings toward you. Well, I think I am that person. I am that person who does that now and it just makes my skin crawl quite frankly. So gross. I just can’t let go.

Christmas was yesterday. Another Christmas, another day with the family. This time one of my older cousins hosted Christmas dinner. It was very nice. She and her husband had it in the clubhouse of their apartments. The setting was nice and cozy.

I gave my Grandmother the Oprah 20th anniversary DVD. I think I liked it more than she did! I stayed up last night watching a lot of the DVD. Can I just say that I love Oprah? I mean, this woman has it together and she has had it together. The “thing” or spark that I think makes Oprah so successful is her faith and heart. She actually has a heart and no secret agendas. She genuinely loves people and enjoys the connection that humans enjoy. If only I could be at peace with myself like that. I think I will make a top 5 list soon of the women I admire. There are just so many women who do so much good in the world. I love it.

Well, I have to be at B&N at 5am to mark books and crap down for the after Christmas sale. YAY for waking up early. The whole process would be so much better if I had my iPod…

Good day!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Reading a new book, "Back Where He Started" by Jay Quinn and loving every word. Why can't life be like a book? Well this book at least.

I saw "Brokeback Mountain" last week. WONDERFUL film. I cried, laughed and cheered (to myself of course) during the film. Heath and Jake are awesome in the movie. J and I finally made it to the Midtown area to see the movie...speaking of him...

Lord knows I have written a lot of words about him in this journal. I just don't know. Earlier I was talking to a dear friend about the whole situation. I just felt sad and confused all over again. Sad over the fact that I still want him badly and will never get him and confused over what he thinks, if anything at all, over the situation. He’s so ambiguous about everything, I never really know what he’s thinking or what is agenda is. Maybe I should pull out Burke’s Pentad and try to find the underlying motive. Dr. G would be so proud. But I will tell you this, I am tired of thinking about the situation and I’m pretty sure he’s tired of me alluding to stuff. See, but that’s the other thing — I never know if he’s catching on to the questions I ask or the things I’m saying. I don’t think this situation is as big and important in his head as it is to me. Eh…what’s a queer to do?

Well, I do know that I love this book I’m reading and plan on staying up for another hour to read more.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Good day.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I would love to make this a long post, but I’m too tired. Tonight should have been a horrible night - thanks to a certain family member. I haven’t been this upset in a long time. I called J and he was there for me. We spent a few hours at WaHo (is that the proper slang for that place?) talking about our families and all that good stuff. Before eating, we went over to the jukebox and picked a few songs…he picked, as he described it “our song,” “You Mean the World to Me” by Toni Braxton. I don’t know. I don’t really want to think right now. I just want to swim in this bliss for a few more hours while I sleep.

Oasis had it right in their song “Wonderwall”...

"Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now
you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that
anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the
street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all
before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk along
are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are
many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how
Because
maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all your my
wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to
you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I
don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
And all the
roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way
are blinding
There are many things that I would like to
say to you

I don't know how I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all you're my wonderwall I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
you're my wonderwall
Said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me."

Picture(19)

Picture(20)

Monday, December 19, 2005


I think I want to be a trucker model... Posted by Picasa

What am I talking about? Posted by Picasa

Always eating... Posted by Picasa

Ben has a freakin nice loft in downtown ATL. Posted by Picasa

I think you can see up my nose. Posted by Picasa

I have a huge face. Good lord. Posted by Picasa

That would have been a great shot but I look like I have something up my nose. Posted by Picasa

Jenifer! Posted by Picasa

Don't look so mad Ben! I'm just trying to have some fun... Posted by Picasa

Um, this was supposed to be a cool shot with the Atlanta skyline behind us, but Ben lacks photography skills... Posted by Picasa

Friends till the end. Jen and Migs. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me

I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit - I follow through
I hate mess but I love you
What to do with my impromptu baby
So be wise cause this *boy* satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'I'm gone!
"Take me or Leave me" (aka Miguel's life) - From the musical "Rent."

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Jose at Starbucks. Posted by Picasa

Drew looking and Ashley hiding. Posted by Picasa

Jake talking to someone. Probably me. Posted by Picasa

Justin sitting and singing to Kelley Clarkson. Posted by Picasa

Kelley and Logan dancing in the Union to the music on the way to eat. Posted by Picasa

Rachel and Morgan at El something for Logan and Bert's birthday. Posted by Picasa

One of the gifts that were given at The G-A Christmas/Holiday party. Posted by Picasa

Rachel and Kelley at The G-A Christmas/Holiday party. Posted by Picasa

Luke with the weird hat. Posted by Picasa

The college kids drinking away their brain cells during Kori's 21st b-day party. Posted by Picasa

Luke and Adam being Luke and Adam. Posted by Picasa

Me in the newsroom checking my e-mail. I love to work! Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 16, 2005

Digging Deep

Lot’s of bottled up energy I have right now. Not sure what to do with it. I’m at home and feeling down. Not sure why. Maybe it’s the cold weather? No, it’s just the circumstances of life right now. Even though I bitch about being busy when I’m in school, I miss it. I hate just going to work, coming home and having nothing to do. I feel so worthless. I’ve gotten a few things done since I’ve been home. I still need to start applications for several radio/TV stations for interning opportunities this summer. I would really like to intern at the KISSFM station in Savannah. We shall see how that goes.

What’s getting my goat? What’s getting me down? Eh. I think I know what it is, but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to write it for the entire world to see. This is why I need school stuff in my life, makes me forget about that stupid thing called emotions—it’s so glib (thanks Tom Cruise). These are the ramblings of a person beating around the bush. Hmmm…should I be honest with myself? Back in the old days of this blog, when it used to be called “The Weird Workings of Miguel,” I wrote about everything. I even had someone tell me that when they read the old posts and compared them to the current ones, it’s obvious that I shy away from personal stuff in the current entries…Time for a Dr. Phil moment. Fuck that, I need Oprah.

Alright, so here’s the deal. My whole proclamation about not dating online and what not was going well—as well as a two week old proclamation can be. Then I got home and realized that the loneliness has not gone away. Several things have happened, nothing major though, that have got my little mind thinking. I love Jamie Cullum! His new album “Catching Tales”—um, bad attempt to change the subject. Um, ok. UGH…I don’t know why I’m doing this shit. In some twisted way this will help me. F that. Okay…I hung out with J yesterday. Yes. I did. No biggie, right? Well, he looked wonderful—even more so from what I remember. We met at Starbucks on Roswell Rd. before going to see “King Kong.” Sitting across from him in that Starbucks and cutting one liners and just going back and forth with him reminded me of why I liked him so much. Why he made me so happy, why I was willing to do anything for him. A mound of the feelings and emotions that I thought had been erased from my body started to seep back in as the night wore on. The electricity that I felt between us whenever we hung out this summer and early fall felt strong, but different…it was all imagined though. That’s the worst part of this, thinking you have the entire situation under control but then—forget that, I wasn’t even thinking about what had transpired this fall, in my head, at the time, I was just going to hang out with a friend. As we were talking and my eyes probed his, I took in his presence and essence; suddenly, a montage of this fall, with emotions and visual stills, came flooding in. Where’s the on and off switch to our brains? I think mine malfunctioned a while back. Ok, so all that wasn’t the worst part of the situation: The fact that I’m actually writing a post and have been thinking about all that is the worst part. He has moved on, gone to the next book and still I sit here thinking about the ‘What ifs.’ A mess. Ugh. I’m starting to sicken myself with this crap. And Victor, what to do about him? I do not know. He wants me to come and visit, that would be a great trip, but I have no money. Like, I’m probably going to lose 20 pounds next week because I don’t have any money. But that’s a plus, right?

On the schedule this weekend:
-Seeing ‘Brokeback Mountain’ with J today. This is a maybe though, family obligations might force me to see it by myself. Wow. If I go into that theater by myself to see this film, I will probably end up crying my eyes out in the corner. Just looking at the trailers made me reach for the Kleenex.

-Visiting RHS to hang out with Mr. Scott and watch the auditions for WRHS The Hive’s Schoolhouse Rock. This is a battle of the bands show started my senior year when I was Station Manager—sadly, I can not take full credit or any credit, Talia planned the whole thing. So kudos to her, a tradition we started that’s still alive.

-Meeting J*Magic and Jamie Lynn to discuss the Morning Show for next semester. We still have a few wrinkles to iron out. Actually, a lot. Oh yeah, I forgot, it’s not going to be a morning show. The marketing class that did research for the station found out that the majority of the listeners we have listen at night, so Steven (Program Dir) and J*Magic came up with the idea of moving the show to nights. So, every night, Monday through Friday from 7 p.m. until 11 p.m., our untitled show will be on 91.9 The Buzz. Supposedly, after each show, someone will edit the show down to a ‘Best Of’ type thing and it will air the next morning during the hours our live morning show would have been. I’m still super excited. I’m just interested to see how this works. I wonder if we will get more callers. Will more people hear us? But yeah, the three of us are meeting at Starbucks to talk about the show.

-Adam is going to visit Sunday. He’s working at the Rome B&N now. I talked to him today and he said it was awesome. I wonder if I transfer to the Savannah B&N will I have a smooth transition like he did.

-I need to call Jessica and Jenifer. I’m going to see if I can have dinner with Ben and Jenifer Sunday night, and have breakfast with Jessica Monday.

That’s my weekend. Nothing too crazy. HA! When do I ever do something really crazy? I’m actually doing something crazy right now…staying up this late. Um, yeah.

Time for bed.

Good day!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Ah, well, the semester is OVER. My first term at big boy school was a success I think. Finals took my brain out, smashed them over the COMM Arts double wide. I’m slowly trying to stich my brain back together so I can put it back in. All the work for this:

Rhetoric of Social Movements – B
Social Issues of Sport – A
Intro to Mass Comm – B
Video Production – A
Critical Thinking – B

I was very pleased with this outcome. I just knew there would be a few C’s in there.

After finals, I went to Douglas and saw peeps! It was really cool to hang out with everyone again. I need to get a digital camera so I can take pictures of my outings.

Wow, I think this is going to be a short post. I had all this stuff I wanted to write about, but I can’t remember. Meh.

Until next time folks.

Ya know, I think it’s crazy how I refer to folks like I have an audience. Maybe I should start to say, “Until next time dear blogger.” Eh? Crazy, that is what I am. I love it.

Good day!

OH OH…I have a new gay icon. One Miss Candice Bergen. I have watched her since her days as Murphy Brown. I love her. She IS fierce. SO, she is my new gay icon…

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Regents Name Davis as Chancellor-Designate of the University System of Georgia

**I don't usually post news, but I thought this was interesting.

ATLANTA -- (Dec. 8) -- Board of Regents Chairman J. Timothy Shelnut today announced that Erroll B. Davis, Jr., chairman of Madison, Wis., based Alliant Energy Corporation has been named chancellor-designate of the University System of Georgia.

Davis will assume the chancellor's position in early 2006.

Davis' appointment was announced this morning during a Special Called Meeting of the Board of Regents, slated specifically to select a new USG chancellor.

Davis will fill the position vacated by former Chancellor Thomas C. Meredith, who resigned in July and served through September 30. Interim Chancellor Corlis Cummings has served since October 1.

Davis' appointment was voted upon in an Open Session meeting conducted by the regents at their offices in Atlanta. A brief press conference followed the meeting, in which Davis joined Board of Regents Chairman Shelnut and Regent Elridge McMillan, chair of the Board of Regents' Chancellor's Search and Advisory Committee, in responding to media inquiries.

"Erroll Davis has the perfect combination of business acumen and people skills required to be successful in the chancellor's post," Shelnut said during his introduction of the new chancellor. "He is a proven leader -- both in business and higher education circles -- and we are looking forward to the fresh perspective and energy he will bring to this role."

Davis has served as chairman of the board of Alliant Energy Corporation - an energy holding company with $8.3 billion in total assets and annual operating revenues of $3.0 billion - since 2000, after joining the company in 1998 as president and chief executive officer. He retired from his dual roles as president and CEO in July 2005, and retained the chairman's post. Prior to the creation of Alliant Energy, Davis served as president and CEO of WPL Holdings, from 1990 to 1998. From 1978-1990, Davis rose through the senior management ranks at Wisconsin Power and Light Company, starting as vice president of finance and ending as CEO and president. His career also includes corporate finance positions at Xerox Corporation and Ford Motor Company.

Davis' higher education experience includes serving as a member of the University of Wisconsin System Board of Regents from 1987-1994, and as a former chairman of the board of trustees of Carnegie Mellon University, of which he is a life member. He presently serves as a member of the Board of Trustees of the University of Chicago.

A native of Pittsburgh, Pa., Davis earned a bachelor of science in electrical engineering from Carnegie Mellon University, in 1965, and a M.B.A. in finance from the University of Chicago, in 1967. He is a member of the board of directors of BP p.l.c., PPG Industries, Inc., and Union Pacific Corp., and numerous professional associations and civic organizations. In 2004, he was elected to the U.S. Olympic Committee Board, and chairs the USOC's Audit Committee.

Davis and his wife, Elaine, established the Davis Family Foundation, which makes annual grants to numerous students in need. He is the recipient of numerous honors and awards, including recognition as one of the "75 Most Powerful Blacks in Corporate America" by Black Enterprise magazine, the Carnegie Mellon Alumni Distinguished Service Award, and the Distinguished Alumnus Award from the University of Chicago's Graduate School of Business.