It’s been a weird few days.

A quick run down of what’s been going on:

-I’ve really started to warm up and become comfortable at the internship. The people there are super cool. I had a remote this weekend and talked with one of the dj’s the whole time about the radio industry and what not. It was really cool to be able to talk at length with someone about radio without them rolling their eyes wanting me to shut up.
-I was stood up. I was supposed to go on a date, but he never showed. Found out that he got nervous. I sent a message saying it was cool, but that he should have called. Still haven’t heard back from him so I guess we can count that as over. Meh.
-My head is always swimming with stuff for the buzz, I really need to attach a post-it notepad to my belt buckle so I can have it at arms length when I think of something.
-Um, so I guess I can call myself a fan of country music…in my iTunes as of this weekend, I now have The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Rascal Flatts, Dixie Chicks, and Nickel Creek. Hmm…so I guess I have totally lost my black card. Did I ever have one? I’m so kidding. lol
-Kyle came to look for a car. His car was totaled a few weeks ago so he’s on the search for another car. I had to drive him home to H-town. Um, we got lost. I think it took four hours for the whole trip. But I did take his Arrested Development DVD’s. That will be next weekend’s project. Watch those and laugh.
-Have I mentioned that I love radio? lol I think I have accepted the fact that I will probably have to go on welfare when I graduate from college and get a job in radio. Maybe McDonalds will take my broadcasting degree. No really though…I’m probably going to work part-time at Barnes & Noble or something while doing radio after GSU.

Wait.

I graduate from college in May. Oh. My. God.
It really is almost over.

Wow.

Okay, so I’m tired now and I really want a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonalds, but it’s way too late – if I stay up any longer, I might go and get one, so I better head to bed.

Things to keep in mind for the week:
-Slow down and think. You do not know everything.
-Concentrate on the tasks at hand. When you finish, you will find that it really wasn’t that painful.
-Constructive criticism at this point in the game is awesome, actually, I love it.
-STOP SPENDING MONEY. PERIOD.
-Remember where you came from and where you want to go.
-Stop trusting people so easily, they break you.

That is all.

Good day!

He’s back! John Mayer has a new song that will be released to radio stations in a few weeks. His album is set to come out September 12th!!!!!! Please believe I will be the first knocking the door down wherever getting a copy of the cd. GOSH, I LOVE IT! http://www.johnmayer.com

Anywho. So I had my therapy session today, and I came to the conclusion that I was content with life, at the moment. I have friends, I’m cooking, my grades were good for summer classes, my internship is going well, and things just seem to be looking up at the moment.

Saturday I worked all day. I guess it was my make or break day as a PEA. I had four remotes in one day. At first I didn’t think I would be able to hang, but as the day went on, I found that I was able to deal with all the stuff that I had to do. The job was more physically demanding than I thought, but it was cool. I think I’m going to like it.

Andrew finally moved into the apartment this weekend. Adam has been here too. It’s been cool having people back in the apartment again. Adam and I have been cooking up a storm the past two days. I. LOVE. FOOD. That is all.
Good

Alright. A few words, quickly.

Probably one of the happiest days of the past few weeks yesterday. I was at KISS and asked the Program Director if I would be voice tracking at all this summer and he said yes, but at some point in the next few weeks. A little later, he informed me that I would be voice tracking the 3 & 4 a.m. shifts for this morning. Um. Okay. To most people, that’s nothing, but to me, little ole’ me, THAT MADE MY DAY!! That means that my voice will be heard by who knows how many people…well, granted it is 3 in the morning, BUT STILL!!!! I AM GOING TO BE ON A 100,000 WATT STATION!!

Stephen helped set me up to start voice tracking. You would have thought that I had never been on the radio before. I was SOOO nervous. I actually had him leave when I recorded my first break. Amateur. lol But afterwards, the PD sat down with me to go over my breaks. You would have thought that he was telling me I was greatest thing in the world. I had a big smile on my face with pen in hand writing down all the tips he gave me to improve. I’m so excited to get back in there and take what he told me and put it to action. Dork, I know. I can’t help it.

So I’m staying up to hear myself…AND I have a final this morning which I have not studied for. I mean, I have, but not like I should. Eh. Summer is just not for classes. So not motivated. But it’s over after the final today.

Big weekend ahead of me. I have a van hit this afternoon. Saturday I have remotes for KISS, Love 101, The Beat, and The River. It’s going to be a long day, but I think I’ll learn tons. I’m so loving this right now.

Alrighty, off to try and read some more. I should so be sleeping right now…

Good day!

Two facts have been solidified for me the past couple of weeks and this weekend:

1) I have really good friends. What has probably been one of the most difficult financial times I have seen, my friends have continued to come through for me when I have needed help. By either listening to me bitch about not having any money or actually helping me out, they have all been there. For that, I will always be grateful.
2) I do not belong in clubs. I know I work in radio and that will become a regular part of my life, but right now, I feel uncomfortable in those types of situations. I don’t know why. I kind of just stand there gawking at people trying to remember to put an occasional smile on my face so I don’t look like I’m having the worst time in my life. Last night the KISS crew went to 309 West for a concert we cross promoted with 309 West to bring the singer Jelly. She did a really good job. She sang AND danced ON THE BAR! I was so afraid she was going to fall off! Regretfully, I couldn’t really enjoy her song that’s stuck in my head because of my social awkwardness. You know, I think some of that has to do with me being raised in the church. From the time of my earliest memories of church, I recall someone always saying, “Don’t go to those dance halls!” “You know Jesus does not go in there with you!” “You never know what could happen inside there!” “That’s where Satan lives!” So I guess I have all that going through my head while I’m inside. Maybe that’s a good thing…

So yeah, that’s that. I didn’t get home until four in the morning, so I’m going to go sit on the couch for the rest of the day to read and relax and mentally prepare for this busy week.

Good day!

So yeah. I always want to post but never really get down to it. Not really in the mood for a full blow by blow account of life at the moment, but let’s just run down the list.

-Summer classes are breeze compared to the last time I took summer classes.
-The internship at KISSFM is going well. I’ve been learning a lot. The first week there, some of the people were nice, others weren’t so friendly, but now people seem to be warming up to me.
-Clear Channel hired me as a PEA (Promotions Event Assistant) so I’m getting paid. THANK GOD. Plus it’s just really cool to have my first paid job at a real radio station.
-I’ve gained too much weight, I look like a cow.
-I’m really excited about the morning show in the fall. It’s going to be kick ass.

Crap, well I have to go get ready. Oh…I’ve started seeing a psychologist. lol Um, for my first intake session, she kept me 45 minutes over. Said my story was interesting. lol That made me smile.

Oh, and, I’m in debt. Like, big time. Financial aid check was late coming in…still haven’t gotten it. My checking is definitely at -$243.00 right now. Loving it.

God is love.

Good day!

Here's the article I wrote for The George-Anne. It was published in the Thursday, June 8th paper. http://www.stp.georgiasouthern.edu/George-Anne/pdfs/060608.pdf
Miguel
The SoapBox

"Voter finds faith in Cox after mix-up"

Just when you thought we were done with gay marriage. It’s back!
The gloves are off and the blood is about to flow. For round one, hailing from Bainbridge, we have Secretary of State Cathy Cox versus the formidable Lt. Gov. Mark Taylor of Albany. They are both vying for the democratic nomination from voters for the July 18 primary to then go on and face Republican Gov. Sonny Perdue in the Governor’s race.
Before Cathy Cox officially announced that she was running for Governor, she already had my vote. I’ve happily driven around Georgia with my ‘Cathy Cox for Governor’ bumper sticker on the back of car showing my support to all.
Unfortunately, my position changed a few weeks ago.
The gay marriage ban that 76 percent of voters in Georgia went to the polls for in the fall of 2004 was struck down last month by a Fulton County Superior Court judge. The amendment that we all voted on dealt with more than one issue. What we saw on the ballot defined marriage between a man and a woman, but we also were voting on civil unions to same-sex couples and recognition of same-sex marriage from other states. When adding an amendment, it can only address one issue.
After the ruling, Gov. Perdue said he would appeal the ruling to the Georgia Supreme Court, if they don’t reverse the judges ruling, the Gov. will call a special session with the Georgia legislature (which will cost us, the taxpayers up to 40,000 dollars a day) to put the amendment back on the ballot in time for the November elections.
This is where my disappointment with Cathy Cox set in. Taylor, like the faux democrat he is known to be, agreed with Perdue that the amendment to restrict rights was needed and the special session was necessary if the ruling wasn’t overturned by the Georgia Supreme Court. Cox was left in a very tight place.
In Georgia, a politician could not win a state wide race while openly supporting gay marriage. I know this. But when Cox’s camp released the following statement surrounding the controversy, I was still shocked “I am disappointed that Georgia's constitutional amendment defining marriage as a sacred union of one man and one woman has been overturned. I strongly support Attorney General Thurbert Baker's decision to appeal this ruling to the state Supreme Court. Should his efforts fail, I agree that the General Assembly should meet in special session to pass a new resolution that could be voted on in November."
What? This was the same woman who has supported gays in the past and openly courted gay voters in metro Atlanta. It was as if all of my energy I had put into supporting her and telling everyone I knew why they should vote for her was wasted. I wanted to take her bumper sticker off my car and delete my name from her e-mail list.
Luckily, Cox has redeemed herself. After appearing on a radio show in Atlanta, Cox clarified her position on the issue. She felt as if she had two options, either let the gay marriage issue drag on for the next two years or deal with it now so we can get back to the real issues.
I agree. Change does not come overnight. I would rather deal with the issue now, move on to more pressing matters, like education or the economy, instead of wasting tax payers time and money debating the merits of two boys or girls kissing. I think the old adage, “We’ve lost this battle, but we will win the war” is very appropriate for this issue. Sometimes we just have to concede on certain issues to ensure progress for everyone.
My support is back with Cathy Cox and I hope you take the time to consider her for the Democratic nomination and then for the next Governor of Georgia.

I give up. Really, I do. How are we supposed to look at ourselves with pride when our leaders don't even think we should be happy together.

I never thought that I would say this, but I'm not voting. I'm taking Cathy Cox's bumper sticker off my car.

You're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about. I think someone was able to put what I'm thinking into cleaer words than I would be able to right now on their blog. This was taken from http://atlantapublicaffairs.blogspot.com written by someone with the username Decatur Guy. Here is his post: (After you read his post, you should go over to his website and read all the comments that were left)

Thursday, May 18, 2006
Cathy Cox Is Dead to Me
Today I am sick and tired of pandering politicians. They say one thing to get your money and your vote and do another. Last night, I received the following press release from Cathy Cox:Secretary of State Cathy Cox released the following statement today:"I am disappointed that Georgia's constitutional amendment defining marriage as a sacred union of one man and one woman has been overturned. I strongly support Attorney General Thurbert Baker's decision to appeal this ruling to the state Supreme Court. Should his efforts fail, I agree that the General Assembly should meet in special session to pass a new resolution that could be voted on in November."The message from the people of Georgia on this issue was loud and clear. An overwhelming majority believes, as I do, that marriage is a sacred union of one man and one woman. Until the people have the opportunity to vote on an amendment in the fall, I am confident that existing state law continues to protect the current definition of marriage."Here is what she said about the Amendment in February 2004:"What's most disturbing about this proposal is that the real agenda is not to clarify the law, instead it's a cynical campaign year attempt to drive a wedge between Georgians and turn one citizen against another," Cox said in a prepared statement. "We ought to be focused in Georgia on creating an environment of equality, fairness and understanding for all our citizens, whatever their orientation.""This initiative is designed to do exactly the opposite."Yesterday, a Cox spokesman said that her "position had not changed." Huh? I'll let you compare the two statements and let you make that decision for yourself.Why did Cathy Cox go so far as to support Governor Perdue's call for a special session? I understand that she cannot come out in favor of gay marriage or even publicly oppose an Amendment supported by 77% of the voters and still be elected to statewide office. But why was it not sufficient just to state that current law still bans gay marriage and that she'll wait to see what the appellate courts decide? Earlier in the day yesterday, that is essentially what she said: "The people of Georgia have always believed, as I do, that marriage is the sacred union of one man and one woman," Cox said. "Despite this new ruling, existing state law, which I strongly support, continues to define marriage as between one man and one woman."Even Mark Taylor holds such as position. According to the Macon Telegraph a "Taylor spokesman said he was hopeful the court would act soon enough and reserved judgement on whether calling lawmakers back to Atlanta was necessary."Maybe Mark Taylor learned his lesson in 2004 that putting a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage on the ballot in November will do more harm to Democrats in the general election, by turning out in droves religious right voters who will vote Republican, than it would to hurt them by opposing it and keeping it off the ballot. Democrats had the chance to stop this whole thing back in 2004, but then Democratic Speaker Terry Coleman push the Amemdent forward, Democrats lost control of the House and the rest is history.What is most disappointing about Cathy Cox, however, is that she has pandered to gay voters all along. Asking for us for our money and our votes. She was even present and warmly welcomed at the HRC dinner in Atlanta last weekend. (CORRECTION: According to the AJC Peach Buzz this morning - link not yet available - Cox was not present at the HRC dinner, she only sent a letter to the group. This despite the fact that the HRC dinner organizers made it seem like she was there to all of us. There has been no comment from anyone at HRC about Cox's press release.) She has been welcomed to the homes of gays and lesbians across Georgia to ask us for our money. At least Mark Taylor or Sonny Perdue have not pretended to be our friends.Now she supports an Amendment that has now been interpreted by the Georgia courts as prohibiting "the state of Georgia from granting same sex unions between Georgia residents any of the advantages given to marriages under state law" or granting same sex couples "any legal status before the law." So basically if it is a "advantage of marriage," gay couples can't have it.Support for such an Amendment, and for Governor Perdue's special session that will solely be focused on taking away the rights of gay people, makes her complicit in such bigotry. I now see very little difference in the 3 major candidates for Governor.So, this is the end of the road for me and Cathy Cox.
# posted by decaturguy @ 9:47 AM

A little self-deprecation is needed every now and then. Some, like myself, find every moment of the day to divulge in the joys of beating oneself down. Well, this past week, I did not need to make myself feel like a fat whore, I had other people to do it. Now, this stuff if funny, like, not laugh out loud funny, but, “OMG, I’m Sorry” type funny. I laughed at least.

Last week was a major break for me. School was finally over. The “Graduation Station Coverage” was over for the commencement ceremonies of the class of 2006—Governor Perdue was the keynote speaker. Early in the morning Mr. Scott called up to the radio station. It was nice to know he was listening, I wish I had had the chance to talk with him. But I digress. Like every year, the end of the school year was busy, like super human I’m Superman on speed busy. And then. It Stops. Last Sunday, everything was done. Grades were turned in; people had packed their bags, and gotten out of town. So of course, like any crazy human being, instead of resting and taking this nice week off between spring semester and summer classes to rest and relax, I lock myself into my apartment and marinate over how depressing my life is, even though it’s not THAT pathetic. I figure this is the perfect time to bring back the lists!

Things I did that I would only do in situations like these:
-Watched like 282288948 movies, or more like three or four, hell I don’t know! I watched a lot of movies…I actually have new movie favorites now.
-New favorite movies: The Family Stone (LOVED that movie. Actually I wanted to write a nice blog post after I watched it, but it’s another movie I watched at six in the morning and was way to tired to type anything about it) and Shopgirl. Shopgirl is the Steve Martin movie. Actually really good. I don’t think they marketed it right for some reason. I thought it was going to be another hooky date movie—possibly a creepy date movie with Claire Danes and Steve Martin as lovers—but it actually turned out to be a very lovely movie.
-Um, made some bad judgment decisions in the boy department.
àSOO…this guy Scott, who I totally liked a while back and thought something could happen has blown and brushed me off two times. I went back each time like a lap dog. The last time, I sent a very passive aggressive e-mail and thought everything was done. OH NO! You would have thought I had a bottle of merlot with me or something! I dug up Scott’s phone number and sent him a text message that said, ‘Hey, how are you?” He sent one back with a smiley face. (OKKAAYYYY) So I send one back saying, “So what have you been up to?” He sends a text back asking, “Who is this?” I respond, “This is Miguel, do you remember me?” He shatters my fractured self-esteem by answering, “No.” Low point number 50 last week.
-So, I’ll admit it. I’m back on some of the gay personals site. Who cares, whatever. So I’m on one of the sites and I see someone interesting. I message them by saying “Hi.” They respond with a resounding, “Bye.” Ouch. Like, I’m just going to walk on over to the courthouse and jump off. All I could do was laugh. I picked up my wounded ego and said back, “Ouch, thanks, good one!” And then I promptly signed off. Love life.

So, I think I’ll walk away from this week with a better of understanding of what I should NOT do when time off from school comes around. I need to find better things to do with my time.

My internship starts next week: YAY! Gas money is way too expensive so I won’t be eating all summer: BOO! But I will lose weight: YAY!

Good day!

As every day passes in my life, the empathy I feel for other people grows. The pain I feel over the hate that brews within some people just astonishes me. I do not understand it.

I just finished watching the movie ‘Soldier’s Girl.’ The movie is about a transgender man and the love affair that happens with a solider in the army. I would suggest everyone see it.

There are some people who I have spoken with who believe that transgender people are ‘disgusting.’ I have always found that remark to be outrageous. Especially if it’s coming from someone who is “different” than the norm. It just breaks my heart to hear people say such ugly things about other people. Essentially, everyone has differences – different personalities, lives, stories, backgrounds, preferences. What I just can’t comprehend is when people put down someone else’s life.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I’m going to talk about the ending now, you have been warned:
At the core of the movie is a love story. A confused, yet determined solider falls for a transgender man. They grow to love each other and make a happy life. It’s all ended when a stupid, insolent, prick, murders the solider. Basically, the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy in our country is problematic. It’s 6:15 in the morning and I’m too tired to really make a deep statement. I just wanted to write and say that this movie was wonderful. I’m going to make people see this. Our country has got to change. We are killing ourselves over differences that we cannot help. If we could turn all of that negative energy into positive, we could make some great changes in the world. I just wish that people would appreciate the differences of others and let them live…

In memory:
Private First Class
Barry Winchell
1977 - 1999

Had a little breakdown. Well a mini Miguel one. I hid in the IT building computer lab and worked on stuff – that’s how the new template came about.

Good day!

Crap. Such a positive mood I’ve been able to keep the past few weeks. Now things have turned to shit in my mind. It’s time to put back on the happy cap and smile. MAKES LIFE HAPPY DAMNIT!

I think I have a tapeworm. I can’t stop eating. Had McDonalds for lunch with Jason today. You would have thought that I had never eaten in my life; I inhaled the double quarter pounder like it was my last meal. So weird.

I’m surprisingly not stressing too much over graduation coverage and finals. I thought I would be freaking out by now, but I’m pretty chill about everything. I’m hungry right now.

Several things going on in my mind, but nothing worth writing about.

This was pointless really.

Good day!

Two issues I want to address: My homophobia and my low socio-economic status.

Last night I had a friend bring another friend to the radio station last night to show him around. This is nothing unusual. People bring their friends up to the radio station all the time to show them around. Nothing impressive to see, trust me. But the guy’s friend was obviously gay, but he had on makeup and what were probably women’s clothes. His appearance was nothing you wouldn’t see in a big city or wasn’t over-the-top drag queen type. He just had on beige pants and a pink shirt. Nothing too strange. But I, Mr. Self-Righteous, made fun of him. I made really inappropriate comments with some of the other staff members about his ‘girly’ appearance and clothes. Later that night, I ended up going to dinner with him and my friend after the show. I found out that the kid is from Germany, just moved here a few years ago and now lives in a small South Georgia town. Guess what? At his high school, he gets called a ‘faggot’ on a daily biases, people yell at him and say mean, disgusting things to him every day he walks down the hall. I became one of those people. I made fun of him for his appearance before I even knew his name. While I grilled him, Oprah style, on the stuff that he goes through at his high school, I almost started to cry. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of bigotry. I am ashamed at myself for laughing at him and letting my co-workers do the same. My heart truly hearts for the daily injustice that kids like him have to go through at school each and every day.

This morning I went to sign the lease at the new apartments Kori and I will be living at next year. They had to run a credit check on my Grandmother to make sure I pay bills to live there, yada, yada. The usual stuff that goes on when you move into an apartment. I forgot to fill in on one of the forms the part where it says how much my Grandmother makes a year. When I got the information later today on the amount of money she makes, I was shocked. I made more than her last year. My mother basically made nothing last year also. I’ve always understood that I was poor, but never have I realized how little my family survives off of. I just hope and pray that I am able to pull myself up from where I came from and make enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle. I thank God everyday that he has provided me with all that I have now. It’s a wonder that I’ve been able to make it through college without having to little to nothing for anything. If it weren’t for my scholarships, I would NOT be in college. There would be no way to pay for it. The generosity of others through my life has been astounding. I wish I could hold a big party to thank each and every person that has helped me along the way. The other day I was thinking about high school and prom. My senior year for prom, without me asking or anything, several teachers got together and gave me money to pay for my tux, limo, and dinner for me and my date, who was a guy! I mean, really, they went ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty. I thank them so much from the bottom of my grease filled heart!

Off to take a quick nap.

Good day!

So life has its ups and downs, yes? But what truly amazes me are the connections you make with people. The small parts of life are what spirals me into a certain stream of thought. What the hell am I saying, everything gets me thinking!

Looking through the college social site facebook, I was browsing through pictures of friends of mine. Some of these friends go back to middle school in Georgia; some even go back to my early days of elementary school in Colorado. Surprisingly, I am friends on the facebook with the very people who made my life a living hell when I started college at SGC.

These guys who taunted me, called me names, wrote things on my door, and destroyed some of my property are now my friends on facebook. I look through their pictures hoping for some kind of indication that they are different people than what I remember. We all had just started college and were scared—well I know I was. I was looking to fit in and they were looking to fit in with each other. I mean really, putting the gay black kid as the RA on a floor with baseball players from South Georgia was a crazy decision! But you know what, I am glad it happened. It taught me how to deal with people and effectively deal with problems. Instead of abusing my power and writing the guys up as an RA or coming up with some half baked scheme to get revenge, I spoke out against homophobia in the newspaper, I started a Gay-Straight Alliance at the school. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that in life, we should never fight fire with fire. Simple, over used term, but very true. If I had done something to seek revenge or cause harm against those guys, what would they have done? Fight back with me and enter into a vicious cycle of hatred. Instead, there is a thriving Gay-Straight Alliance at SGC and for the second year in a row; a relatively open homosexual has won the popularity reward at the school. I think that's such a powerful thought. Using positive to fight the negative. It's a lesson I've heard for years from my Grandmother and other's, but I never really sat down and thought about it. A good friend of mine used a quote on his blog that has stuck with me for a while now. I believe it to be very true:

"Don't ever listen to those who tell you it can't be done. Pity them for their lack of vision; be more successful than anyone thought you could be. Then, look back on those who said it was impossible and remember: always be Recklessly Optimistic."

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This is when that feeling creeps up into my arms and finds a nice resting place on my heart. I can’t explain this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression that washes over my body once I get home for the night. It’s like, once I’ve finished running the rat race and doing what I need to do, I come home. But what do I come home to? My computer and iPod. But then again I’m not really sure what I’m asking for. I don’t think a boyfriend would magically solve my problems and make life 100 times better. It would only complicate life. I had a talk with DS today and we were talking about my ever growing drive and passion for success and work. I need to learn how to slow down and enjoy life. Enjoy the friends, enjoy the college life, but I can’t. I feel awkward and fake when I just “hang” out. I don’t know what I’m saying. This is just the exhaustion speaking…

SO, the mail people have serious pulled a fast one on me. My mother put my rent check in the mail a week before last. Still not here. Rent was due Saturday, as of Wednesday it will be late and there will be a $75 late fee. The loan to pay for summer school has messed up and it’s making me nervous. Credit card bills, water bills, electricity, insurance, cell phone bills…it all piles up. Who ever said money doesn’t buy happy happiness obviously wasn’t a college student with debt. But, such as life. Take the bad stuff and make it good. That’s the only way to deal with life without going insane.

I don’t think many times in my life I have been lied to or have had someone I thought was close lie to other people about me. There could possibly be something in my life that could be very bad and spoil a lot. I pray that these tales are not true and that everything was a misunderstanding. I’m too old for this. I continue to have senior moments through out the day.

Kori and I started a challenge to lose weight. The loser has to buy the other tickets to see Wicked.

Went to Douglas this past weekend to get some papers in order for the move. Kori and I are moving in August to a much better place.

Tired…

Pictures from the spring break in the Bahamas!