Seizing the day. Exactly what does that mean? I've people tell me many times that I am too rigid with life and I don't let go. I don't stray out of the lines for a little fun or to live a little. But what does that mean? Skipping a day at work?

I think the last year of my life was spent discovering another side of my self. Letting go and just learning to have a little fun, but I still have a ways to go. But it hit me tonight while driving through Statesboro and watching people on their balconies talking or when I went into my friends house and him and his boyfriend were sitting there watching tv. His younger brother just started college and walked in with a grin on his face and the world no where near his shoulders. He was just enjoying life. I can't remember a time when I had fun and wasn't worrying about an unpaid bill, my family, my health or any other mundane problem.

So what conclusion am I trying to reach? I want to live. I want to say what is unsaid. I want to look back at every opportunity I was given and know that I didn't hold back.

I think most of all, I want to love. I want the chance to open my heart and let someone completely fill it. I want to know what it's like to completely trust someone. I want to know what it's like to fully open your mind to some one and let them look around and see what's ticking in my brain. I want to know what it's like to have someone surprise me with a random visit. I want to know what it's like to be spoiled and to spoil someone. I just want to know...

Once again, I have no clue what's really going on up there. I just see a bunch of key words in my head and go with it. Not sure if it makes any sense.

I'm out.