Everyone does it. You spend HOURS doing it. You'll never tell anyone...

I'll hold my hand up first. I spend a few minutes, er, hours sometimes looking through people's facebookand myspace photo albums. I'm not sure what makes me want to do it, but I can spend a good hour just clicking through photos checking out the life of someone I haven't talked to in almost five years. And of course when I browse through these photos, I'm constantly comparing their life photos to mine. A series of questions and comments run through my mind as I click away through these digital images...

'Do I look like I'm having as much fun as him?'

'Gosh, they must have gotten a really good job after college!'

'Wow, have I aged as well as they have?'

'Her boobs can't be that big! Looks like she had some work done!"

"He's gay?!?! Why didn't he talk to me in middle school?!"

"He chose THAT as a career?"

Have you ever gone through your photos and wondered what someone from your past would think of your current life if they just perused through all the photos? I think that sometimes. What does your life look like? Mine looks like I have lot's of white friends, as my mother has pointed out on many occasions...

Instead of posting ANOTHER word about why I hate being single and how I'm so sad, a long time friend wrote this about me today:

Me: But I'm always the new guy who will make an awesome friend
Him: That is because unfortunatley, you are an awesome friend. ur a nice guy, you've been through a lot and thats made u a good person, because whatever crap you've taken, you wouldn't inflict it on others, and since you come off as this well of niceness, everyone looks at you like the safety, the friend, confidant etc. You just gotta find someone whose looking for a nice guy. Whereas the gay population in ur age range are basically human pogo sticks.
Me: HAHA...quote of the day..."human pogo sticks."
Him: lets face it, gay people are straight guys without the responsibility or inconvinience of pregnancies, they are NOT really dating material

Thank you.

Have a safe and productive Single's Awareness Day!

I wish I could say that life was as easy on the other side of the fence of school. I was I could say I had a seamless transition from college to the working world. I wish I could say my optimism for the world and it's people remained intact. I wish I could say that I love what I do and the life that I have. I wish I could say I loved myself and all that I can do.

I can't say a damned thing.

Right now I feel as if I am in the fight of my life and I have no clue what I'm fighting or how to win.

Life sucks right now - just plain and simple sucks.

I make no money,
I can't pay for anything.
I work long hours.
I work two jobs.
None of my dear friends live close to me.
The friends that are here are occupied with other things.
After all these fucking years I'm still single.
I have no money.
I have creditors calling my phone three times a day.
I have no clue how I will get out of credit card debt.
I have no clue how I will pay for my student loans.
I want a roommate but I don't want to move in with someone I don't know.
I want to eat a nasty greasy hamburger but I can't afford it.
I want several alcoholic drinks in my system to numb the frustration.
I got a notice saying I hadn't payed my rent when I know I did.
I don't have any gas in my car and I have no clue how I'm going to make it through the week.
I want someone to solve my problems because I'm tired.
I have a vacation I'm going on next week but I don't want to go so I work more and make extra money to pay for shit.

There ya go. There's the exhaustive list of what's swirling through my mind 24/7.

I don't know how I'm going to solve these problems...I keep telling myself there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I know there is, but it's so hard to see when there are boulders blocking the end of the tunnel.

A teacher once told me in high school that the pendulum always swings back to whatever side it's on and I'm guessing this is the shitty side. I can't wait until it actually starts to get good again.

I'm so over it.