Today is the big day. I’m supposed to perform at “Dad’s Garage Theatre” in the high school improv tournament. I’m so happy; Jenifer, Jon, and Ben (He’s Jen’s boyfriend, I’ve never met him before) are coming to see me perform. After that I’m supposed to go with Luke to do whatever. Oh My God, I just looked at my scopes for today, is this total foreshadowing or what? “There are no holds barred tonight, Leo -- you've pulled out all the stops! If you don't score tonight, you never will. Try not to jump on the first available person, though -- a bit of self-control is required tonight!” I hope this New Year brings in new things. This is going to be one interesting day and night. Break a leg!

First and foremost, I must give credit to Amy for doing all of this. If it wasn’t for her you wouldn’t see my pictures, my faves sections, my what I’m doing in life section, and I wouldn’t have my counter and guest book (WHICH YOU NEED TO SIGN!!!). Thank you so much. And you know what’s funny, I’ve never seen her before, I met her through another friend on the net that I have met only twice, I think. But thank you, Amy.
Everything right now is fine in life, but with it being 10:20AM I would hope that it is ok. Not much to report on. Oh wait. I was in the musical “Guys & Doll’s” this fall at my school. No one from my family came to see it, I was a little heart broken, but I got over it. Ryan, one of my friends, was in the musical and made copies of the production on tape for me. Last night I ask my Grandmother if she wants to see the parts where I’m on stage, which should have taken a total of like 7 minutes. She was said ok, so as I’m fast forwarding to my parts she starts to nod off, that’s ok. When we get to my part I wake her up to look. As I’m sitting there on the couch looking at myself making a complete ass of myself, I look over at my Grandmother and she is knocked OUT!!! Snoring and all! Thank you family, I Love how you always support me no matter what.

I talked to Luke today and he said he doesn’t even remember what we talked about yesterday. So that’s a good thing. When we were talking yesterday I was asking him questions and I asked about him being adopted. I thought I heard him say I don’t want to talk about that. So after he said that I got quite and didn’t say anything. After about thirty seconds I thought I heard him say something else and the phone line went dead. I thought he had hung up on me. I went and did some work on the computer and called him back after fifteen minutes. He didn’t answer his cell phone so I thought I had offended him. I called him today and like I said before he said he didn’t even remember what we talked about yesterday.
I went to Church and had an ok time. We had a guest speaker today and he was up there talking for like and hour and fifteen minutes. That was kind of painful to sit through. There was this kid at my church, Chris, who was into acting like me. When he graduated from high school two years ago he left Georgia and moved to L.A. He was on an episode of “Boston Public” a few weeks ago. He came back for Christmas. It was cool to see him. He said, “You shouldn’t listen to what people say about what you want to do, follow your dreams. Most of the people who sit around and criticize other people are not happy with their lives, their living meaningless lives.” That made a lot of sense to me. I don’t know how that applies to me, but it’s something I will keep in mind at all times.

Well things are ok today. I think Luke is mad at me for asking about his adoption. I hope he's not. I think I just misheard what he said. I guess I'll see later tonight.

I feel like freakin crap. Christmas always does this to me. I don’t want to talk to anyone I just want to be by myself wallowing (is that a word?) in my own misery. I’m going to try and break down why I feel like crap. First reason: My mom. She pisses me off to no end. I don’t care what day, what second, what year, what freakin decade, she pisses me off. Here is an entry that I wrote about her in one of my online journals: “My mother. I'm sure everyone has stories about how their parents ruined their life or how their parents did this or that. Well my mom has caused me to tell many stories about what she did to me. I've never really written in any of my journals about her because I always felt like I was disrespecting her by saying how I felt. But I'm up to my limit now. She’s just so damn childish! I mean yes, we all struggle through life, but do we have to complain about it every min. of the day?! Ok I understand that you have a sucky job, yes I understand that Granddad bothers the heck out of you, yes I understand that you had a bad childhood, yes I understand this and that, but did you ever consider that I AM 17 years old, and that your still supporting me. I don't think she understands how hard it is to go to a school where EVERYONE has money and parents who at least give them money for the necessities in life. I understand that you can't but me a car or get the expensive package for my Senior Pictures, but can you at least give me some freakin lunch money, or take me to a school function, or least come and see it. But see, you've built this guilt inside of me that I feel bad for feeling like this, but you know what? I'm supposed to feel like this, once again, I'm only 17! Oh, but let's not even get into the subject of my Father. Where is he? Why the Hell won't you tell me where he is or what the story is as to why he left?! I've been waiting for five years for you to me what happened. I just don't understand. But you know what, it's ok. I have only until next August when I turn 18 and then I don't have to depend on you for anything. I'll probably be giving you money then! Now I feel bad for talking about you. I don't care any more; I just want to go to sleep! lol Goodnight.” Now I know for Christmas were supposed to be thankful for everything we have and not be, I guess stuck up or whatever. But I feel like s*&%. You know why?! When I woke up this morning, Christmas morning, there was nothing under the tree for me to unwrap. No loving parent to come in my room and open up all the curtains and wish me a Merry Freakin Christmas. All I got was telephone call from my mom saying she wasn’t going to be able to make it to yet another family event. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas my family gathers at my uncle’s house to eat and fellowship. Most people don’t want to come, but you go, eat, say hello, act fake, and leave. That’s it. But does she want to come, NO. So, sleepily I say into the phone, “Sure mom, whatever, oh yeah, and Merry Christmas.” I don’t expect nor do I ask my Grandmother for anything. She is my Grandmother, not my mom, is not her job to take care of me, so I feel she does not need to buy me anything extra because my mom doesn’t. So I get to my uncles house and we all eat and like I said before, act fake and all that good stuff. Finally comes the unwrapping of presents. I think to myself, I know these people Love me, this is where I’m going to feel some Christmas cheer. Open the first present: A little pullover jacket, that’s nice, I guess. Open Second present: an over-sized shirt from Kohl’s. Thanks I say. I watch my cousins open their gifts and they have new shoes, coats, and other assortments. Damn. Miguel left out again. But I think to myself, it’s ok. THIS IS NOT WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT, IT’S OK!!! We go home, a couple of hours later my mom pulls into driveway. YAY, or not. She comes in saying, “I’m sorry, this isn’t the best Christmas.” I sat to myself, “When has this EVER been a good Christmas.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out some money. And I’m like, yay, I’m about to get me my Christmas on. I look at it; it’s a twenty and ten dollar bill. OKAYYYY, I say to myself. THIS IS NOT WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT, IT’S OK!!!

Wow, what an amazing Christmas break this has been. Even though Christmas is going to be a complete bust tomorrow, I just have to remember that I finally have someone in my life that cares for me and wants to see me happy. For once I won’t be alone for the Holidays. I have some one! YAY FOR ME! I’m so excited! I just don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship. I’m trying not to be the let’s plan everything and make sure we do this and that. I’m trying to let things happen. But I also don’t want a repeat of what happened earlier this school year. I’m supposed to spend New Year’s Eve with him, I hope it happens and it turns out good!

Hey, this is my first time posting to this. It’s all so new. But I’m a quick learner so I should have this thing up and running in no time. Check back soon.