I'm here, I'm alive, and that's all that really matters. I'm at school right now bored out of my mind. Let's see... last week was so bad. I don't know what was wrong with me, I was like in some kind of rut or something. But I'm all better now and life is just peachy keen, well expect for that nagging in voice in the back of my head that tells me to..... Ok, that's my way of trying to be funny, but of couse it doesn't work. I'm so happy this year is almost over, I mean, I'm nervous because there's so muc crap going on, but I'm happy it's almost over. I just want to have a fun summer, and do stuff. I don't just want to work the whole time. This will be the last summer where I will be a "kid." Well as much as I can be one. But who knows, hopefully it should get very interesting. Well it's time for me to go. I shall see you later. Does anyone read this?

Well, there's not much to report on. Life is peachy keen right now, and yes, I just said peachy keen! I need to start writing in this on a regular basis. For some reason in my mind I think I have to have some earth shattering news to be able to write in here. But I want the everyday stuff. Right now I'm at Ashley's house. She's sleep and I'm awake and it's 12:24AM. I should be asleep, but I don't sleep. I was telling Ashley that I get about four hours of sleep each night, not good. But yeah, so I've run out of things to talk about, sooooo I guess this is good bye for now. Bye-bye.

Be careful what you wish for. You hear that phrase in movies and television a lot, but I never really knew the true meaning of that phrase until today. My Mom came to pick me up and take me downtown to ‘Underground Atlanta’ to visit Michael, who was researching a project there. On the way, I asked my mother about my father, again—I’ve been asking my mother about the whole reason behind my Father’s disappearing act so long ago. She would always brush it off and say that she would tell me at a later date. I finally got to her today and she decided to tell me. Before she starts to tell the story, she looks me in the eye (while driving, eck!) and asks me if I really want to know. I say yes, with a smile. (I’m such an idiot at times) She starts the story in December of 1984. She was working downtown at a Bonding Company; at the time her car wasn’t working so she was taking Marta to work everyday. At the time she was dating a man named Michael F. So one dark and depressing night my mother was leaving work, another uneventful day at work. She’s standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to come. All of a sudden she hears some noises in the background and someone attack’s her. To spare my self from crying I’m not going to go into details. But to make a long story short, my mother was raped. She told her boyfriend, Michael F., what happened. She comforted her and made her feel ok again. A couple of months later she found out that she was pregnant. She hadn’t told any of her family what had happened that awful night in December, she still didn’t want to tell them. She and Michael had a long talk and they decided that she would keep the unborn child and raise it to be Michael’s child. As the months grew on, she grew distant from Michael; one day she told him that she was going to end it with him. He went crazy; he threatened to tell everyone about their secret. One thing he didn’t realize, pregnant women are crazy! (JOKE!) He used his better judgment and decided not to tell anyone. Sometime in late August, Miguel F. was born. He was born to a wonderful loving family and a wonderful mother who vowed to never tell the awful secret of how he got here. So that’s my true story that I just found out today. I’m here on earth because someone raped my mother. I don’t really know how to feel right now. I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet. It’s like my hand is trying to wrap itself around my brain and understand all of it, but I can’t. To me, it’s like my last name, F. isn’t real anymore. There’s one side of me that I will never know about. My mind even wonders to the darker side of things, am I meant to be such an evil person in life, or was I sent here to do good? I hope the latter is true. My mom has been through so much in her life, she’s had to carry around this secret for seventeen years. I don’t know how she did it. I don’t know how she can even look at me sometimes. It seems as if every time she would look at me it would remind her of that awful night in 1984. But like I said before, be careful for what you wish for, in the end you might just get it.

I am so lucky to have found someone so awesome and…I don’t know, I’m just so happy right now. Here is an e-mail I just sent him:

Hello, what's up? It's 11:54PM on a Saturday night and I'm sitting here bored out of my ass. I should be going to sleep now because I have to get up and go to this Prayer Breakfast at my church tomorrow morning. I don't know if you'll get this e-mail in time, but are you still going downtown tomorrow? I was just curious as to what your plans are for tomorrow. I haven't talked to you all day and I really miss you. I like talking to you, even if it's just mindless banter, the fact that I'm just talking to you makes it all the better. I really don't know what I'm typing; I'm just typing to type. Ok, let's see, oh yeah, I put your letter in the mail on Friday, so it should arrive at your friend's house on Monday. Damn, I miss you. It sucks not being able to talk to you. If you get this sometime tonight, call me. It doesn't matter what time, I don't mind. Well except for if it's like 4 something in the morning, well what the hell, it's the weekend, go ahead and call. See what did I tell you, you get me with a computer and keyboard at night and I just write the most random stuff. HA! When you first open this e-mail your going to think this is some long nice e-mail, but no, it's just me typing nothing. I really like you; I think you have an awesome smile and a wonderful personality. Well I guess that's it for now. Sorry for taking up so much of your time. I will talk to you later.
~~Hehe, so I’m really bored right now though. I’m very close to starting that GSA at my school. I’m so excited. Everything else in life is pretty good, just busy with Student Council, radio, Show Choir, and everything else in the world! lol Well I’m tired, so Goodnight.

I am so happy right now. I’ve had the best night ever. I went to Michael’s school to see a pageant they have there. Jenifer and Jon came with me. It was so much fun; it’s too early in the morning so I don’t feel like writing out everything that happened. But here’s the e-mail I just wrote Michael, it kind of sums up what I’m feeling right now:

Hey, I'm at Jenifer's house right now. It's 1:29A.M. and I can't stop thinking about you tonight. I had such a fun time, and I hope you did to. It was soooo cute how you were shaking at first. That was the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I'm so happy that we "fit" together and that everything went smoothly. I don't know what else to say, I'm just so happy now. It's like, I've found someone who cares about me and is not out for some ass, and they actually want something more. You know how in another e-mail you said words can't express how you felt; well that's how I feel. Well I guess I'm done trying to write out my feelings. I'll try to call you Monday when I get home. Well I'll talk to ya later.

~~So yeah I’m pretty happy right now, yay! Have a good night or morning.