Wow, it’s amazing what television can do to a person. I just finished watching a special on Buffy and the final episode of “Dawson’s Creek.” I know this sounds stupid, but these two shows have defined my life for the past six years, and now their over. One thing I learned from the shows, seize the day. Things may not always go as planned, but you have to make every moment of the day as if it were your last. That saying is used a lot, but I think I truly understand the phrase. If things don’t work out the SAT situation, then I’ll go a different route. I won’t worry about it. If there’s something that I’m feeling, I need to get it off my chest. There should never be, “I need to wait for the right time.” It should be now or never. Now or never. That’s a hard phrase to live by, but we should. We never know when out time will be done. In the last episode of “Dawson’s Creek,” Jen died. I don’t know what it did to me, but it put me in this thought process of living life to the fullest. I don’t want to have any regrets, I don’t want to look back on my life and see wasted opportunities. I don’t know. This is just the little thoughts that were running through my mind.

It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting here trying to clean my room and get ready for another busy week

I’m sacred. Graduation is two weeks away and I still don’t know where I’m going to school next year. There’s so much pressure on me to do something and my head feels like it’s going to explode. Every one expects me to go to some big nice school, but in reality I’m going to go to a little two-year school. On graduation day when all of my family comes there going to be asking me what school I’m going to next year and there all going to be looking at me crazy when I tell them I don’t know and then there all going to want to give me advice on how to handle the situation. I don’t want to take the SAT’s again; I don’t feel like cramming for them in new weeks. I’m just disgusted with the whole situation. It’s making me angry. Right now, I think I have two options. Either I can take the SAT’s again and try to get into South Georgia College or Middle Georgia College, or I can attend Floyd College in Rome, Georgia. They would accept me no matter what, but the only thing about that school is that they don’t have any housing so I would have to get an apartment and I don’t have ANY money for that. Well unless I try to find some roommates or something. I’m not sure. Sorry for going on about this but it’s really getting to me now.

Prom was yesterday. That was very interesting. I went with Joel. So yes, two guys went to Prom together. It was fun. A lot of people didn’t act surprised, but we got a few stares from people when we were slow dancing. People would do double takes, stare, and then whisper. It didn’t bother me to too much. When we went to get out pictures taken the lady didn’t know how to place us, it was so funny. She just kind of had us stand next to each other. It was funny. After Prom we all (All means: Jon, Jenifer, Brian, Natalie, Joel, and Me.) went to Jon’s house and watched some movies. I had wayyyyy to many Oreos! My stomach was hurting after I finished eating like 20 cookies. But it was cool. So all in all it was a good night. I hope this week is a good one!

I think the one of my main goals of high school has been to be part of the “in crowd.” And by writing “in crowd,” I don’t mean the jock football players, I just mean the people who have fun, hang out, and just live life. I believe that has been one of the major reasons why I have done so many activities in high school, so I could live the “perfect” high school life. For this past year I have stayed at my friend’s Ryan’s house every Monday this whole year for student council meetings. It’s been very interesting being apart of his family and getting to know them and picking up their habits and traits. I would say that Ryan is farley popular at our school, we both are. But there are several key facts that separate us. One of these facts became very apparent to me this afternoon. When we got home from school he informed that we were going to play ultimate Frisbee, in the rain, with some of his friends. I was a little hesitant at first, but then I aggressed to go. The people who were there were all the people that you talk about in high school. The jocks, the brains, and all sorts of high cliques. As we got into our game of ultimate Frisbee, it became very apparent to me that even though everyone knows who I am, they don’t consider me one there own. When we were playing, everyone was joking and laughing with each other, tossing the Frisbee to each other, but not to me. Now don’t get me wrong, they were being assholes about it, I just think that since I’m not one of “them” they don’t really know how to interact with me. (I think that’s the right word?) Another point that I’m not one of them. Ryan has gotten several graduation party invites from seniors at school. Want to know how many I have received? One … from Ryan. Well now my whole little pissed off mood has kind of been changed. As I was writing this Ryan’s mom walked into the computer room and just told me that I was miracle and that I am very well respected at school and that I show very high signs of maturity. She’s referring to the whole thing about my mom, about how she was raped and how I was conceived from that. I sometimes wonder why I was put here on earth. Why do I have this thought process, why do I look the way I do, why do I talk the way I do, why do I feel the way I do, why do I believe the way I do? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, I may never know. All I can do is just hope that one day I will truly, truly be happy with the person I am and live life to the fullest.

The year is almost over. Not much more to go. But for me, these are going to be three busy weeks. While all the other seniors at my school are enjoying the next few weeks, I will be working my ass off on an assortment of projects and such. I just finished putting together the Video Yearbook today. I’m the Executive Producer of it; it has definitely been a challenging time putting that together. I can’t wait until they come back from the company where we get them copied. On Monday we get the yearbooks. Were very excited to see the yearbooks finally come in. We have to sort them all out, and then all of the seniors get there on Thursday at the senior picnic. I hope and pray that the senior picnic goes off with a hitch Thursday. It’s been raining a lot lately and I sure hope it doesn’t rain then! Michael and I are fine. We had a big talk about a week ago. It was almost over, but we talked it out and now were fine. I’m also very excited about Graduation, well of course for the obvious reasons, and also because I was picked to make a speech at graduation! I was so happy about that!! Yay for me.