WARNING: REALLY BORING SELF PITTYING MATERIAL!

I just feel like I can’t compete. It seems like the world is full of nice pretty people and me. I wish I didn’t have this inferior feeling in the back of my head. I think that is going to be the thing that kills me when I’m older, working so hard to prove to anyone who will listen that I am smart, I can do whatever I put my mind to, etc.

I just look at most of the people I know, and it just looks to me like they have everything they want. I mean yes I know that there are plenty of people in the world who are in a way worst position in life then I am. And the people that I am envious of, I know they have their own problems, but I can’t help but be a tad jealous.

But to the real reason why I go to be in this crappy mood. Boys. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know why I have this mentality that I have to be with someone. I tell people that I am in my “self-discovery” years and that I don’t want anyone, I’m enjoying being single. But yet, everyday, just about every other hour, I yearn for that special someone. That someone who will understand Miguel. He will accept me for who I am. He will LOVE all of me, my insecurities, my faults, my values, my likes, my goals, me. That’s what I want, and it seems like a lot people I know have that. That special one. That someone who makes the room spin when you see them, the person who can call you when you’re having the day from hell, but manage to put a smile on your face. The person who will make me feel safe; make me feel included in this world.

That one. God my heart just hurts thinking about how much I want to give my heart to that someone. I hope it happens.