These past few days have been filled with a lot of thoughts about myself. My inside. Who I am.
Who am I? This question plagued me most of my high school career, and since I’ve been in college the question has been pulled to the forefront of my mind everyday. I don’t know who I am. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to get at with this entry. I use to think that I was able to express what I felt, but as I get older and my feelings and emotions become more complex, it’s harder for me to put what I’m feeling into words.
I think by the end of the week I can officially label this my “gay cinema” week. I’ve seen two gay themed movies and they both have deeply moved me. This first one I saw at the beginning of the week was the awesome awesome independent movie “Camp.” It came out in the movie theaters this past summer and I finally was able to grab a copy from the local video store. Though some of the plot was a bit simple and some of the acting was so so, there was still a great message to the movie: No matter who you are, what you are, where you come from, you are still important to someone. I just really identified with one of the characters from the movie, well several actually. Tonight for the first time I saw the movie “Boys Don’t Cry.” Oh my gosh, I just, I don’t know… I was speechless after seeing the movie. After every time I hear about a hate crime, or see a movie about it, it always leads me if this stupefied type mood. I just don’t know what to feel. I think I feel anger, I think I feel sadness, sometimes I just feel defeated. I feel like there is just so much hate in this world, I sometimes wonder how can I as one human being make a difference? How can I change the minds of so many people who profess to be loving, but hide behind the Bible while condemning others? How do you stop that hate? Some times its just overwhelming thinking about it. But I think what really upsets me is that there are people who feel so isolated and down. There are gay kids (teens) who think that no one loves them, no one cares. I wish I could talk to each and everyone one of them and let them know that someone does love them and some does care.
I don’t really think I have a conclusion to all of what I just wrote; I’m just left with a bunch of questions.
