Guess who had a near nervous breakdown this week? Oh, that would be me! I don’t know what happened, but I just started feeling like crap in the middle of week. I called my mom and told her I was thinking about dropping out of college and hiding in a mountain for the rest of my life. She then informed me that I don’t like the outdoors and I would probably want a hamburger to bad to actually stay in that cave for a long time. But really… this was a really tough week. I had three tests, two of which I bombed, so by Wednesday I wanted to hide away from everyone and cry my little brown eyes out. I felt stupid, fed up, frustrated, and every other belittling emotion one can feel. I think it was the pressure of feeling like I have to do everything right the first time. I feel like there are so many people expecting me to do well in school, and if I don’t something bad will happen. Don’t ask me what this bad event or thing is, I have no clue – but I just feel like that. I called my mother and explained all of this to her and she said (in my mother’s typical fashion), “Don’t give a fuck what anyone says about you. You have proved that you can do anything you want to, if you feel like taking a break from school then you do that—I would strongly encourage you not to do that, but if you feel it’s necessary, pack up your shit and come on home for a good ole’ rest up. I love you and you will succeed no matter what you do in life.” My mother, got to love her for her blunt honesty. That calmed me down a bit. I went off to Subway, got a sandwich, came back to my room and plopped my depressed self down in front of the revulsion, where I stayed for the rest of night. The next morning I felt much better. I go through this every now and then; I just get this overwhelming feeling as if I can’t get anything done and I’m just standing in the middle of it all watching it all go by.
This evening I went to Frier’s house and watched Football (soccer). It was France and someone else, they tied at the end. I don’t really know what was going on—I was just looking at the guys in their wonderful jerseys. But anyhow, Frier’s husband, Mr. Frier, graduated from UGA’s Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communication a while back. He knows I want to go there so he gave me the Alumni magazine that the school publishes every season. Reading the magazine renewed my drive and determination to go there when I leave South Georgia College. During my depressed time this week I had come to the conclusion that I was to stupid to go to UGA and that I was going to go to another school…but after reading through the magazine, I know that I want to go to Grady and become a radio personality on a Top 40 station somewhere and rule the rule…hahahahahahahah…..
Things I have observed and learned this week:
-Some people can’t get over their childhoods….GET OVER IT!!!!
-Sulfur water smells REALLY bad, especially when you have to brush your teeth in it
-Biology makes NO sense, even though it should
-Why are the good ones Jesus freaks?
-Am I still a Christian when I use the term “Jesus Freaks?”
-I wonder if I write well enough to get into Grady.
-I need a new TV
-I need some money, like now
-I have GOT to lose some weight, my heart hurts
-I’m weird
-It feels good to know that people love me
-Even though I have to remind myself—I’ve had a good life so far
-Why does food cost money? Shouldn’t it be free since we NEED it?
