-How not to argue about the war in Iraq (actually make a point when you're arguing about the uselessness of the war in Iraq)
-How not to get drunk (and then make out with a friend when you are dating someone else)
-How not to get drunk and get into a fight in the middle of the street (duh)
-How not to prance around in my underwear in front of complete strangers, and everyone in the United States of America, and possibly the world.
I?m sure I could go on, but there are other thoughts swirling around my mind and since I have the memory of a 70 year old, I need to get everything down on here before I forget.
Yesterday at work I had a very interesting conversation about high school with Kelly and Adam. (Adam being the person who tormented me through out middle school and the early part of high school, but then we became friends after he did something really bad to me. Go figure.) Any who, Adam was explaining to Kelly that he peaked at the beginning of high school and just went down hill from there. Whereas I had two pretty forgettable first years of high school, but then I peaked at the end of high school, which is usually how it's supposed to work. The conversation took a different route when we started talking about people and our personalities. All throughout middle school and high school, I had these people that I hated. The people who were the embodiment of what I wanted to be: Athletic, cute, wealthy, white, accepted, well adjusted, social, blah blah. I felt like the ugly dumb duckling in a pond full of beautiful swans. It all started when I first arrived at Crabapple middle school in the 7th grade. When I lived in Denver, all of my friends and I were poor. We all knew it, and we had fun. It didn?t matter how much money your family had because no one had anything. We all struggled together and made the best of what we had. When I moved to Atlanta and went up to school in Roswell, I was surrounded by people who had everything we didn?t back in Denver. The kids looked like they were off of a TV show or something. (This WAS middle school, so they weren?t exactly 90210 look-a likes) But I was taken aback at how different this new world was from the one I had just left. I quickly saw, in my mind, how the school was divided. The jocks, the nerds, the preps, etc. I even went so far as to label people?s pictures in my 7th grade yearbook. Like all future crazy people, I began to feel an extreme dislike for the people who had everything I didn't - which ended up being 90% of the school. Basically, I have held this resentment for all these people who never did a thing to me. Some of them, the alpha males, made snide remarks to me in middle school and what not, but that stuff should have been in the past a long time ago. I've had this hatred for people that probably never wasted an ounce of breath on me and never knew that I was raging a secret war against them. Maybe Phillip R. was right, maybe I do make myself the victim in life to overcome obstacles. So what's the point of all of this? I think I want to finally let go of my feelings of inferiority to all of these people. I get way too hung up on what people think about me. I?m so passive aggressive that it?s finally starting to affect me. I keep so much in, but I don?t mean to. I live in my head. I want to finally open up and be myself around everyone. Sometimes I think that when I die, like wayyy in the future, they will say that I loved life, but was always a bit uncomfortable in my own skin and was never well adjusted. But is anyone well adjusted? What is well adjusted? Hell if I know.
There's no way to properly end this entry. I have more that I want to say, but I want to think about it more. Think.
Analyze. Sometimes I do more of that than is actually necessary.
Good day.
