Another birthday! It’s August 22nd and I am 20 years old. No longer a teenager, almost “grown.” I remember when I was younger I use to wonder where I would be at this age. I’m here at Georgia Southern University sitting in the living room of my apartment with Kori R. Who would have thought it? Not I.

Tonight I went over to Danielle and Lisa’s apartment to wash my unmentionables and towels. Great combo. While I was sitting over there waiting for my clothes to get clean, I read for my Video Production class and ended up talking with Danielle and Lisa. We talked about the usual – Family, school, life after college, friends, high school, and of course love. That wonderful word that has seeped into so many of my blog posts but has continued to elude me in real life. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of trying so hard to love people but not to have the love returned. Well, at the moment I can scratch the love part and put like in there. Sometimes it feels like I’m always willing to give up so much for people but it’s never returned. Of course I’m being ambiguous and writing around the subject that’s really swirling around my head. Joseph. Like many times before I have allowed someone to creep into my heart and make a cute little nest there, but only to have the nest taken away leaving a nice little hole. Only recently have I been able to cover up the nest holes left by two individuals from last fall. I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want to have my feelings hurt. I don’t want to be rejected, but it’s destined to happen. I know what I’m about this type is minor, but when it comes to my mind, all the little things have special meaning. I haven’t heard from Joseph this whole weekend. I know we are not exclusively together or anything, but still, it would have been nice to hear from him. I’ve called a few times and sent a text message or two. Now I feel like a bumbling fool, I’ve become THAT person again – the person who is over zealous about the budding friendship. After last year I said I wouldn’t become that person again. Gosh. But this time all the signals seem to be set for success. He was into me, I was into him. But then again I could just be totally over reacting. Who knows?

Thank you Brandy…

"Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
Youd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
Youd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you dont know what to say
And you dont know where to start"

Well enough of that. It’s my 20th birthday. 20 years ago my mother had her legs propped up and my big ass head came out. Wonderful.

Thanks Mom!

Good day.