Beware: Sappy entry!!!!!!! If you don’t want to hear someone complain how life has treated them, stop reading now, and come back tomorrow.

Friendship: Ok, now it’s my time. It’s Friday night, 12:17 A.M. and where am I am? I’m sitting in the lobby of my dorm on the computers working on an American Government project that’s due in two weeks. I opened up my AIM account, and of the 20 some odd people on my buddy list, only one was active, the rest were away, doing something, having fun, having a social life. I’ve fallen into the same trap that happened to me while I was at Roswell. Most of the people hear my school know who I am, no because I’m super cool person, just because I write for the paper and I wrote that oh so scandalous article last edition, so I was the talk of the school for a while. But I’ve fallen into that trap where many people know my name and know who I am; they say “hey,” “How are you?” And that’s it. That’s as far as they – and myself for that matter – are willing to take the beginnings of the friendship. I don’t understand why I don’t reach out to more people. It’s like I have this incredible knack for meeting lots of people and becoming their acquaintance, but I usually never let it go past that stage. I’ve probably let about three people in the “inner” Miguel side. But that was because they really wanted to see and kept pushing until I finally opened up.

Relationships: I’ve gone through so many stages on what I think a relationship should be and how I want that perfect relationship. Whatever I dream seems to never happen. And if it does, I somehow manage to fuck it up. (Corey) The whole situation with Corey and &^%$$#^ is screwed up. I had a really great thing going with Corey, I really do think it could have lasted for a while, if maybe even some years, but no, I had to screw it up. The second someone else comes along shows the slightest bit of a crush on me, I immediately jump ship and go to them. Why do I do that? I think it has something to do with this whole self-image problem. No matter how successful I become, I always see myself as they dumb black kid with a learning disorder. I can’t escape that mind frame. But right now I do feel lonely. I feel isolated. When ever I do go to hang out with someone from my school I feel like an outsider, like whatever I do or say there just going to look at me with crazy eyes and tell me to fuck off. There is this boy I saw at the UPS store. He is totally H.O.T.T. The first I saw him there I was dripping wet from the rain; I was dropping off a package or something. I could have SWORN that he gave me “the” look. So of course I just had to go back, a couple of days later I took Lisa to the store so she could mail off a package. Of course I went inside to see if he was there, he was. Lisa actually knew who he was, she introduced us. I didn’t really get any vibes that time. But I’m so confused now, I see him all the time on campus now, I don’t if I should approach him or just stay back and watch from a distance. (That’s kind of freaky) AH! I wish I could read minds! But other then that Miguel is S I N G L E.

School: Sometimes I feel like a super cool smart person who is well informed on the issues of today, and has something intelligent to add to conversations in class. But then sometimes I feel the dumb ass who can’t even add 2 + 2. I study, study, and study for Humanities, but I just can’t seem to make above a 79 on one the firggin tests. Everyone in the class thinks the tests are super easy, to me there hard as hell! Once again, AH!

**So I think that’ everything that I’m feeling right now, I hope so. I need to get back to homework that I want to get finished with so I can have the rest of the weekend to myself. Goodnight and everyone who’s out having fun, be safe, and have LOT’S of fun for me!