Ben has a freakin nice loft in downtown ATL. 

I think you can see up my nose. 

I have a huge face. Good lord. 

That would have been a great shot but I look like I have something up my nose. 

Jenifer! 

Don't look so mad Ben! I'm just trying to have some fun... 

Um, this was supposed to be a cool shot with the Atlanta skyline behind us, but Ben lacks photography skills... 

Friends till the end. Jen and Migs. 

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me

I look before I leap
I love margins and discipline
I make lists in my sleep
Baby what's my sin?
Never quit - I follow through
I hate mess but I love you
What to do with my impromptu baby
So be wise cause this *boy* satisfies
You've got a prize
But don't compromise
You're one lucky baby
Take me for what I am

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me
Take me baby or leave me
Guess I'm leavin'I'm gone!

"Take me or Leave me" (aka Miguel's life) - From the musical "Rent."

Jose at Starbucks.

Drew looking and Ashley hiding.

Jake talking to someone. Probably me.

Justin sitting and singing to Kelley Clarkson.

Kelley and Logan dancing in the Union to the music on the way to eat.

Rachel and Morgan at El something for Logan and Bert's birthday.

One of the gifts that were given at The G-A Christmas/Holiday party.

Rachel and Kelley at The G-A Christmas/Holiday party.

Luke with the weird hat.

The college kids drinking away their brain cells during Kori's 21st b-day party.

Luke and Adam being Luke and Adam.

Me in the newsroom checking my e-mail. I love to work!

Digging Deep

Lot’s of bottled up energy I have right now. Not sure what to do with it. I’m at home and feeling down. Not sure why. Maybe it’s the cold weather? No, it’s just the circumstances of life right now. Even though I bitch about being busy when I’m in school, I miss it. I hate just going to work, coming home and having nothing to do. I feel so worthless. I’ve gotten a few things done since I’ve been home. I still need to start applications for several radio/TV stations for interning opportunities this summer. I would really like to intern at the KISSFM station in Savannah. We shall see how that goes.

What’s getting my goat? What’s getting me down? Eh. I think I know what it is, but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to write it for the entire world to see. This is why I need school stuff in my life, makes me forget about that stupid thing called emotions—it’s so glib (thanks Tom Cruise). These are the ramblings of a person beating around the bush. Hmmm…should I be honest with myself? Back in the old days of this blog, when it used to be called “The Weird Workings of Miguel,” I wrote about everything. I even had someone tell me that when they read the old posts and compared them to the current ones, it’s obvious that I shy away from personal stuff in the current entries…Time for a Dr. Phil moment. Fuck that, I need Oprah.

Alright, so here’s the deal. My whole proclamation about not dating online and what not was going well—as well as a two week old proclamation can be. Then I got home and realized that the loneliness has not gone away. Several things have happened, nothing major though, that have got my little mind thinking. I love Jamie Cullum! His new album “Catching Tales”—um, bad attempt to change the subject. Um, ok. UGH…I don’t know why I’m doing this shit. In some twisted way this will help me. F that. Okay…I hung out with J yesterday. Yes. I did. No biggie, right? Well, he looked wonderful—even more so from what I remember. We met at Starbucks on Roswell Rd. before going to see “King Kong.” Sitting across from him in that Starbucks and cutting one liners and just going back and forth with him reminded me of why I liked him so much. Why he made me so happy, why I was willing to do anything for him. A mound of the feelings and emotions that I thought had been erased from my body started to seep back in as the night wore on. The electricity that I felt between us whenever we hung out this summer and early fall felt strong, but different…it was all imagined though. That’s the worst part of this, thinking you have the entire situation under control but then—forget that, I wasn’t even thinking about what had transpired this fall, in my head, at the time, I was just going to hang out with a friend. As we were talking and my eyes probed his, I took in his presence and essence; suddenly, a montage of this fall, with emotions and visual stills, came flooding in. Where’s the on and off switch to our brains? I think mine malfunctioned a while back. Ok, so all that wasn’t the worst part of the situation: The fact that I’m actually writing a post and have been thinking about all that is the worst part. He has moved on, gone to the next book and still I sit here thinking about the ‘What ifs.’ A mess. Ugh. I’m starting to sicken myself with this crap. And Victor, what to do about him? I do not know. He wants me to come and visit, that would be a great trip, but I have no money. Like, I’m probably going to lose 20 pounds next week because I don’t have any money. But that’s a plus, right?

On the schedule this weekend:
-Seeing ‘Brokeback Mountain’ with J today. This is a maybe though, family obligations might force me to see it by myself. Wow. If I go into that theater by myself to see this film, I will probably end up crying my eyes out in the corner. Just looking at the trailers made me reach for the Kleenex.

-Visiting RHS to hang out with Mr. Scott and watch the auditions for WRHS The Hive’s Schoolhouse Rock. This is a battle of the bands show started my senior year when I was Station Manager—sadly, I can not take full credit or any credit, Talia planned the whole thing. So kudos to her, a tradition we started that’s still alive.

-Meeting J*Magic and Jamie Lynn to discuss the Morning Show for next semester. We still have a few wrinkles to iron out. Actually, a lot. Oh yeah, I forgot, it’s not going to be a morning show. The marketing class that did research for the station found out that the majority of the listeners we have listen at night, so Steven (Program Dir) and J*Magic came up with the idea of moving the show to nights. So, every night, Monday through Friday from 7 p.m. until 11 p.m., our untitled show will be on 91.9 The Buzz. Supposedly, after each show, someone will edit the show down to a ‘Best Of’ type thing and it will air the next morning during the hours our live morning show would have been. I’m still super excited. I’m just interested to see how this works. I wonder if we will get more callers. Will more people hear us? But yeah, the three of us are meeting at Starbucks to talk about the show.

-Adam is going to visit Sunday. He’s working at the Rome B&N now. I talked to him today and he said it was awesome. I wonder if I transfer to the Savannah B&N will I have a smooth transition like he did.

-I need to call Jessica and Jenifer. I’m going to see if I can have dinner with Ben and Jenifer Sunday night, and have breakfast with Jessica Monday.

That’s my weekend. Nothing too crazy. HA! When do I ever do something really crazy? I’m actually doing something crazy right now…staying up this late. Um, yeah.

Time for bed.

Good day!

Ah, well, the semester is OVER. My first term at big boy school was a success I think. Finals took my brain out, smashed them over the COMM Arts double wide. I’m slowly trying to stich my brain back together so I can put it back in. All the work for this:

Rhetoric of Social Movements – B
Social Issues of Sport – A
Intro to Mass Comm – B
Video Production – A
Critical Thinking – B

I was very pleased with this outcome. I just knew there would be a few C’s in there.

After finals, I went to Douglas and saw peeps! It was really cool to hang out with everyone again. I need to get a digital camera so I can take pictures of my outings.

Wow, I think this is going to be a short post. I had all this stuff I wanted to write about, but I can’t remember. Meh.

Until next time folks.

Ya know, I think it’s crazy how I refer to folks like I have an audience. Maybe I should start to say, “Until next time dear blogger.” Eh? Crazy, that is what I am. I love it.

Good day!

OH OH…I have a new gay icon. One Miss Candice Bergen. I have watched her since her days as Murphy Brown. I love her. She IS fierce. SO, she is my new gay icon…

Regents Name Davis as Chancellor-Designate of the University System of Georgia

**I don't usually post news, but I thought this was interesting.

ATLANTA -- (Dec. 8) -- Board of Regents Chairman J. Timothy Shelnut today announced that Erroll B. Davis, Jr., chairman of Madison, Wis., based Alliant Energy Corporation has been named chancellor-designate of the University System of Georgia.

Davis will assume the chancellor's position in early 2006.

Davis' appointment was announced this morning during a Special Called Meeting of the Board of Regents, slated specifically to select a new USG chancellor.

Davis will fill the position vacated by former Chancellor Thomas C. Meredith, who resigned in July and served through September 30. Interim Chancellor Corlis Cummings has served since October 1.

Davis' appointment was voted upon in an Open Session meeting conducted by the regents at their offices in Atlanta. A brief press conference followed the meeting, in which Davis joined Board of Regents Chairman Shelnut and Regent Elridge McMillan, chair of the Board of Regents' Chancellor's Search and Advisory Committee, in responding to media inquiries.

"Erroll Davis has the perfect combination of business acumen and people skills required to be successful in the chancellor's post," Shelnut said during his introduction of the new chancellor. "He is a proven leader -- both in business and higher education circles -- and we are looking forward to the fresh perspective and energy he will bring to this role."

Davis has served as chairman of the board of Alliant Energy Corporation - an energy holding company with $8.3 billion in total assets and annual operating revenues of $3.0 billion - since 2000, after joining the company in 1998 as president and chief executive officer. He retired from his dual roles as president and CEO in July 2005, and retained the chairman's post. Prior to the creation of Alliant Energy, Davis served as president and CEO of WPL Holdings, from 1990 to 1998. From 1978-1990, Davis rose through the senior management ranks at Wisconsin Power and Light Company, starting as vice president of finance and ending as CEO and president. His career also includes corporate finance positions at Xerox Corporation and Ford Motor Company.

Davis' higher education experience includes serving as a member of the University of Wisconsin System Board of Regents from 1987-1994, and as a former chairman of the board of trustees of Carnegie Mellon University, of which he is a life member. He presently serves as a member of the Board of Trustees of the University of Chicago.

A native of Pittsburgh, Pa., Davis earned a bachelor of science in electrical engineering from Carnegie Mellon University, in 1965, and a M.B.A. in finance from the University of Chicago, in 1967. He is a member of the board of directors of BP p.l.c., PPG Industries, Inc., and Union Pacific Corp., and numerous professional associations and civic organizations. In 2004, he was elected to the U.S. Olympic Committee Board, and chairs the USOC's Audit Committee.

Davis and his wife, Elaine, established the Davis Family Foundation, which makes annual grants to numerous students in need. He is the recipient of numerous honors and awards, including recognition as one of the "75 Most Powerful Blacks in Corporate America" by Black Enterprise magazine, the Carnegie Mellon Alumni Distinguished Service Award, and the Distinguished Alumnus Award from the University of Chicago's Graduate School of Business.

Ugh, studying for finals suck. I have my Video Production final tonight. Intro to Mass Communication and Critical Thinking Wednesday and Rhetoric of Social Movements Thursday. I would so rather be doing something else right now. Meh.

Alright, so here’s the deal: I am finished, done, through, over it, fin. Online dating. Since I was 15, I have searched the Internet looking for my future partner, husband, or whatever. Since then, there has only been heartbreak and headaches. Most of this blog is filled with posts about boys and how they have pissed me off. They all start off with me gushing over them and explaining how special and cute they are. If they make it past that stage, I go on to explain how they are so wonderful and how much fun I have with them. Usually that’s where it stops. Something happens. Time after time I have had them reject me, only to be left with a broken heart once again. Recently, I started talking to this guy. Thought it was going somewhere, well, like usual, he stopped calling, stopped e-mailing, and just stopped communicating. Since this wasn’t another few month ordeal like with Joseph, I wasn’t emotionally invested in this, just a little pissed off that he didn’t at least tell me why he stopped calling. Regardless, I’ve spent a couple of days trying to understand why this keeps happening? Is it me? Do I smell? Am I clingy? Am I too happy? I don’t have any answers, just a few lifestyle changes to make.

I have made many proclamations over the years, but I am sticking to this one. “I, Miguel, will not online date anymore. I will not sign up for any more personals sites and I will deactivate the existing accounts that I do have.” I spent about an hour today deleting some of these accounts. Over the past five years I have accumulated a lot of profiles. I was only able to hit up the usual ones, but I am sure I have plenty more profiles out there, but I don’t remember the URLS. Like I was mentioning before, nothing good has ever come from these things, nothing.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Sophomore & junior @ RHS
I first got the Internet and of course went to every gay chat room AOL had at the time. I met many gay teens from around the U.S. Of course, I wasn’t out to anyone in my life at the time, so I never uploaded a picture or anything. This was my first communication with real gay people.

Senior year @ RHS
It begins. I started my senior year of high school with the mindset that all of Roswell would know that I was gay by the time that I left. I started out with bang (ha). I met Carlos on mogenic.com and he just happened to be the newest member of Show Choir at school. I was so happy - a REAL gay guy at school! Of course, being the naïve person I was, I accepted his advances and soon (like two or three days after school started) was in what I thought was my first real gay relationship. After the first week, I gave “it” (you know what I mean) up. Well, a couple of days later, he informed me that his ex was coming back into town and wanted to break up. Ouch. I was shocked, but okay. I think the whole relationship lasted about three weeks. Ugh. I thought I had learned my lesson about dealing with assholes, but no, I was in for so much more. Christmas break of senior year caught me on the Internet the whole time. I met Luke through xy.com. We talked on the Internet and phone for a couple of days and decided to meet up. We hung out and with in a couple of days, we were dating. Let’s see, in the three or four-week duration of the relationship I was stood up by him on New Years eve, learned that he did drugs, and slowly found out that he was using me. Wonderful. We broke up, I felt wiser and ready to jump back into the relationship game. Come February, I started dating Michael. We met off of xy.com way back in November or December of that year. He is one of the few people that I have kept in contact with over the years and still consider a friend. But we jumped into a relationship that February and it went all the way through high school graduation and right up until July of 2003, right before I was to leave for college. This is still my longest relationship. It just wasn’t going to work out between us. There were too many miles between in the beginning and with me going off to school in South Georgia, there was no way we could have had a healthy relationship. Well, right after Michael, I met Brandon off of mogenic.com or xy.com - I can’t remember. We went out on a few dates, but he told me straight up that he wasn’t interested in starting a relationship. That’s cool. Whatever. Then came Corey.

Freshman year @ SGC
We met the week before I was to leave for SGC. We talked and went out a few times before I left for college and talked about every day during the first two weeks of school. I went back home during the Labor Day holiday and we decided to make it official and became a couple. I think that lasted for about two weeks, and it was over. Right after, I met someone at SGC (we shall call them Brian for this post). We dated for about a month. This was the first person I had dated that didn’t come from a website. Well, we just found out that we didn’t have a lot in common and just didn’t have the chemistry we thought we would. I went the rest of the year relationship less, actually, “Brian” was the last person I was in a relationship with, it’s been a long time.

Sophomore year @ SGC
I knew this was going to be my year. I knew the school, I was in control, and I was ready. Within the first or second week, I met Clay on xy.com. Well, we were introduced at a party, the weekend before, but never got to talk. He found me on the site and contacted me through there. We talked for a while on the phone and ended up meeting. We were feeling each other, I just knew we were going to start a relationship and end up happily every after. HA! So didn’t happen. He basically told me he wasn’t ready for anything serious and confused about himself. Ugh. Whatever. This little exchange was very significant. This was the first time that I actually got really upset over rejection and started the current trend of my love life. After Clay, came of the most difficult exchanges in my life. We’ll just call this person Brian 2. Brian 2 and I had known each other for a while, but weren’t close friends or anything. We became really close and really wanted to be together, but because of the state of things, it was impossible for anything to happen. It took me a long time to get over Brian 2. After Clay and Brian 2, I turned my efforts to school. I met a few people online, but nothing came materialized. The only person I met online at the time that I thought would turn into something more was Doug. But once again, he wasn’t ready for anything serious and never wanted to meet in person. During the last two weeks of school at SGC I met Freddy online at myspace.com.

Summer of ‘05
He was from New York and had just graduated from college. We talked all through out May, June, and July. In the meantime, I was given the opportunity to travel to New York with Frier and Pepjin. This was perfect; I was going to meet Freddy. Well, when I got there, the chemistry wasn’t there. We just didn’t have that thing that you feel when you like someone. I came home sad, but not optimistic. I was going to a brand new University in the fall, of COURSE there would be someone there. Well, before summer was over, I met Joseph online through myspace.com. Before I left for GSU, we hung out a lot and got to know each other.

Junior year @ GSU
So Joseph and I continued to get to know each other. We talked on the phone several times a day, sent mixed cds and letters through snail mail, in my mind, this was perfect. I liked him, he liked me, and we had chemistry. It couldn’t get any better! Well, it couldn’t get any better. A relationship never came from this friendship. He didn’t want a long distance relationship. Okay. I was hurt, really hurt, but I’m good now. Also, during the summer, I met Karim through another online personals site. The situation couldn’t be more impossible from the beginning. He’s from Gibraltar - that’s in Spain. Yeah. Even though we have a lot in common and he’s great guy, that’s just not going to work. Now, this brings me to the current situation. I’m going to make this brief - my fingers hurt. lol Met this guy, Scott, on gay.com. We talked for a while, I liked him and thought he was a cool guy. I thought were going to hang out and what not. Well, I haven’t heard from him since Tuesday. Bah.

So yeah, my love life is very, over. I’ve deleted all the accounts I use on a regular basis and am ready to move on. If I meet someone here at GSU or at the grocery store and we become friends and etc. that will be great, or if someone sets me up on one of those funny blind dates that would be cool, but I’m just through with meeting people online.

Alright, time to REALLY study for finals.

Good day!

I hate my life, well some what. Not sure why, but I do.

How quickly we forget the pain of liking someone. Once again, pain has attacked. I don’t know why I am cursed to get involved in these little “things” to only be stabbed in the back, heart, and foot. I don’t know why foot, but that hurts too. Ugh, and what really pisses me off is that I’m a little sad. Not the ‘oh my goodness I want to jump off a cliff’ sadness, but the ‘ouch, this stings a little’ sadness. Some people don’t even deserve that much. From now on, I need to TRUST my instincts. TRUST them. TRUST them. I know I will forget. I’ve probably written a million entries like this before – remember to TRUST YOUR DAMN INSTINCTS man.

Enough. Time to move on. I have two papers due this week and a test on Monday. What a wonderful eventful week this will be.

Good day!

Thought these were interesting:
“They look at me with sad eyes But I don't want the sympathy It's cool you didn't want me Sometimes you can't go back Why'd you have to go and make a mess like that I just have to say Before I let go Have you ever been low Have you ever had a friend that let you down so When the truth came out Were you the last to know Were you left out in the cold 'Cause what you did was low No, I don't need your number There's nothing left to say Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be safe”
______
“Love can be a many splendid thing Can't deny the joy it brings A dozen roses Diamond rings Dreams for sale And fairy tales It’ll make you hear a symphony And you’ll just want the world to see But like a drug that makes you blind It’ll fool you every time The trouble with love is It can tear you up inside Make your heart believe a lie Its stronger then your pride The trouble with love is It doesn’t care how fast you fall And you can’t refuse the call See you’ve got no say at all Now I was a once a fool it’s true I played the game by all the rules But now my world’s a deeper blue I’m sadder but I’m wiser too I swore I’d never love again I swore my heart would never mend Said love wasn’t worth the pain But then I hear it call my name The trouble with love is It can tear you up inside Make your heart believe a lie Its stronger then your pride The trouble with love is It doesn’t care how fast you fall And you can’t refuse the call See you’ve got no say at all Every time I turn around I think I’ve got it all figured out My heart keeps callin And I keep on fallin Over and over again This set story always ends the same Me standin in the pouring rain It seems no matter what I do It tears my heart in two The trouble with love is (the trouble with love) It can tear you up inside (it can tear you up in side) Make your heart believe a lie (Make your heart believe a lie) Gets stronger then your pride (The trouble with love is) See your heart its in your soul (It doesn’t care how fast you fall) You wont remember control (?) (And you can’t refuse the call) See you’ve got no say at all The trouble with love is (Oooo….ya) It can tear you up inside (ooo) Make your heart believe a lie (the trouble with love..)”

The wonderful time for overeating and family fights. Who WOULDN’T love the holidays?

I made a few observations over this Thanksgiving holiday:
-My great Uncle can not read. He is somewhere in his 70’s and never finished any type of schooling. I never knew that. My Grandmother drove over to his apartment Thanksgiving morning to drop off some turkey and spend a few minutes with him. While they talked, I busied myself with my phone; I didn’t want to intrude on their conversation. At one point, he handed my Grandmother a letter and asked her to read it, he didn’t understand. She read it out loud and he understood. For some reason, that was one of the saddest scenes I have seen in my life. To actually go through life without being able to read. I thank God that I have my education.
-I think I’m an adult. As I was helping my aunt with Thanksgiving dinner, she was very candid on her views of some of the family members. In my family, to say such things in front of a young one is a big no no. Does this mean I’m an adult now?
-Everyone is getting older. My cousin, who I remember being a baby, is a senior in high school and almost taller than me!
-I have an urge to reconnect with my younger cousins. We all grew up together and were born in the same decade. When I moved back to Atlanta from Denver I thought I would spend all my time with them, but as soon as I moved here, I started going to school in Roswell and never got to see them. As time went on, I lost contact, and now I don’t talk to anyone of them besides Thanksgiving and Christmas. I invited three of them to come and visit with me for a weekend during spring semester. One is a freshman in college, another is a senior in high school and the other is a sophomore in high school. I think when and if they come down, I will tell them I am gay. That should be interesting.
-My family has so much potential to be close, but for petty reasons, we are not.
-My Mother is like my Grandfather and my Brother is like my Mother. Hmmm…
-I took my niece and nephew to Thanksgiving dinner. I love spending time with them. They are such smart kids; I just wish I could be more of an influence in their lives. I’ll try to start that this Christmas break. Take them to a museum or the new aquarium.

Other than that, my Thanksgiving break was very laid back this year. Before I went to Atlanta I went to Douglas and spent time with old friends. I had a long talk with Frier (now Futch), saw Justin, talked to Brittany’s sisters, talked to Dr. C and Queen C, talked to Lee (who is getting married in December!), had dinner with Futch, Jake, Kyle and Justin. Carla dropped in and I got to catch up with her. Went to Laura’s house and saw her and Jared. Went to Ashley’s and saw Ashley, Samantha, Catie, Mark and Drew. It was a good trip.

New person in the picture. Scott. From a South Georgia town. It’s all very new – still getting to know each other.

A couple of weeks ago some peeps from the radio station went to Savannah for a ‘Broadcasting’ field trip. Some pics below.

The new morning show is coming. I’m so excited. I’m going to be doing the job I want to have once I leave this place. I can’t wait. We have two names right now: AM Mayhem with JMJ (J*Magic, Miguel, and Jamie Lynn) OR Morning Mayhem with JMJ. Not sure yet which one we are going with.

Alright, well I’m out for now.

Good day!

That's me looking rough at WSAV in Savannah. My hair looks CRAZY! 

This is us at WSAV, the NBC station in Savannah. 

The 91.9 The Buzz crew at WTOC in Savannah. 

Got bored between classes. New template. Update later. So late for class right now.

Alright, so let's just say I'm a little angry right now. I really want to step on my soapbox but I'm sitting in the library (on a Friday night) working on a 20 page paper. Oh, the paper is due Tuesday morning, but I really have to turn it on Monday.

I just wanted to write that. I'm still mad. lol Ugh.

I'll write more later tonight.

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"Someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough"
-Anna Nalick

I just want the record to show that I just NOW LEAVING THE LIBRARY. Freak. I have been working on my presentation for Thursday and studying for Critical Thinking. The time is now 4 something in the morning. I think I’m going to go jump into the lake across from the library. Wow. But what this situation even more sad is that I will be here tomorrow (actually, it would be later today), just like this, if not later, to finish up everything. The joys of life. ;)

A quick post today...

I just finished doing two hours live of my radio show. By myself. It was awesome. I loved it. I think, so far, I have picked the right path to take. I love radio. I love the music, the people, the listeners, the energy that runs through my veins when I press the 'on' button for the mic and my voice and personality goes out for the world (via the internet) to hear. I love it.

Life is made up of the small victories in life. Today I was asked by the Programming Director of the station if I would like to join the radio morning show. Me? Miguel. Morning radio is what I have been DREAMING about. The current radio morning crew is dismembering after this semester. The show consists of three people, two are leaving, and one, Jason R., is 70% sure he wants to stay on. If the Gods want this to work out, the morning show will be manned by Jason R., Jamie H., and I - all graduates of Roswell High school. That's awesome. But Jason has to decide if he wants to do the show, I have to move my spring schedule around AND we have to see if the three of us actually have chemistry. Even then, the show is not 100% ready to go. If the Programming Director doesn't like how one of us meshes, he could pull one of us off - so there are some hurdles to jump through, but I am happy that I was actually asked. I asked the PD why he asked me to join the show, he said it wasn't because of my talent (thanks), but because of my personality. That was nice to hear.

Ok, I'm about to commence studying for a test and preparing a presentation that's due at the end of week.

Until next time...

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