Alright, so here’s the deal: I am finished, done, through, over it, fin. Online dating. Since I was 15, I have searched the Internet looking for my future partner, husband, or whatever. Since then, there has only been heartbreak and headaches. Most of this blog is filled with posts about boys and how they have pissed me off. They all start off with me gushing over them and explaining how special and cute they are. If they make it past that stage, I go on to explain how they are so wonderful and how much fun I have with them. Usually that’s where it stops. Something happens. Time after time I have had them reject me, only to be left with a broken heart once again. Recently, I started talking to this guy. Thought it was going somewhere, well, like usual, he stopped calling, stopped e-mailing, and just stopped communicating. Since this wasn’t another few month ordeal like with Joseph, I wasn’t emotionally invested in this, just a little pissed off that he didn’t at least tell me why he stopped calling. Regardless, I’ve spent a couple of days trying to understand why this keeps happening? Is it me? Do I smell? Am I clingy? Am I too happy? I don’t have any answers, just a few lifestyle changes to make.

I have made many proclamations over the years, but I am sticking to this one. “I, Miguel, will not online date anymore. I will not sign up for any more personals sites and I will deactivate the existing accounts that I do have.” I spent about an hour today deleting some of these accounts. Over the past five years I have accumulated a lot of profiles. I was only able to hit up the usual ones, but I am sure I have plenty more profiles out there, but I don’t remember the URLS. Like I was mentioning before, nothing good has ever come from these things, nothing.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Sophomore & junior @ RHS
I first got the Internet and of course went to every gay chat room AOL had at the time. I met many gay teens from around the U.S. Of course, I wasn’t out to anyone in my life at the time, so I never uploaded a picture or anything. This was my first communication with real gay people.

Senior year @ RHS
It begins. I started my senior year of high school with the mindset that all of Roswell would know that I was gay by the time that I left. I started out with bang (ha). I met Carlos on mogenic.com and he just happened to be the newest member of Show Choir at school. I was so happy - a REAL gay guy at school! Of course, being the naïve person I was, I accepted his advances and soon (like two or three days after school started) was in what I thought was my first real gay relationship. After the first week, I gave “it” (you know what I mean) up. Well, a couple of days later, he informed me that his ex was coming back into town and wanted to break up. Ouch. I was shocked, but okay. I think the whole relationship lasted about three weeks. Ugh. I thought I had learned my lesson about dealing with assholes, but no, I was in for so much more. Christmas break of senior year caught me on the Internet the whole time. I met Luke through xy.com. We talked on the Internet and phone for a couple of days and decided to meet up. We hung out and with in a couple of days, we were dating. Let’s see, in the three or four-week duration of the relationship I was stood up by him on New Years eve, learned that he did drugs, and slowly found out that he was using me. Wonderful. We broke up, I felt wiser and ready to jump back into the relationship game. Come February, I started dating Michael. We met off of xy.com way back in November or December of that year. He is one of the few people that I have kept in contact with over the years and still consider a friend. But we jumped into a relationship that February and it went all the way through high school graduation and right up until July of 2003, right before I was to leave for college. This is still my longest relationship. It just wasn’t going to work out between us. There were too many miles between in the beginning and with me going off to school in South Georgia, there was no way we could have had a healthy relationship. Well, right after Michael, I met Brandon off of mogenic.com or xy.com - I can’t remember. We went out on a few dates, but he told me straight up that he wasn’t interested in starting a relationship. That’s cool. Whatever. Then came Corey.

Freshman year @ SGC
We met the week before I was to leave for SGC. We talked and went out a few times before I left for college and talked about every day during the first two weeks of school. I went back home during the Labor Day holiday and we decided to make it official and became a couple. I think that lasted for about two weeks, and it was over. Right after, I met someone at SGC (we shall call them Brian for this post). We dated for about a month. This was the first person I had dated that didn’t come from a website. Well, we just found out that we didn’t have a lot in common and just didn’t have the chemistry we thought we would. I went the rest of the year relationship less, actually, “Brian” was the last person I was in a relationship with, it’s been a long time.

Sophomore year @ SGC
I knew this was going to be my year. I knew the school, I was in control, and I was ready. Within the first or second week, I met Clay on xy.com. Well, we were introduced at a party, the weekend before, but never got to talk. He found me on the site and contacted me through there. We talked for a while on the phone and ended up meeting. We were feeling each other, I just knew we were going to start a relationship and end up happily every after. HA! So didn’t happen. He basically told me he wasn’t ready for anything serious and confused about himself. Ugh. Whatever. This little exchange was very significant. This was the first time that I actually got really upset over rejection and started the current trend of my love life. After Clay, came of the most difficult exchanges in my life. We’ll just call this person Brian 2. Brian 2 and I had known each other for a while, but weren’t close friends or anything. We became really close and really wanted to be together, but because of the state of things, it was impossible for anything to happen. It took me a long time to get over Brian 2. After Clay and Brian 2, I turned my efforts to school. I met a few people online, but nothing came materialized. The only person I met online at the time that I thought would turn into something more was Doug. But once again, he wasn’t ready for anything serious and never wanted to meet in person. During the last two weeks of school at SGC I met Freddy online at myspace.com.

Summer of ‘05
He was from New York and had just graduated from college. We talked all through out May, June, and July. In the meantime, I was given the opportunity to travel to New York with Frier and Pepjin. This was perfect; I was going to meet Freddy. Well, when I got there, the chemistry wasn’t there. We just didn’t have that thing that you feel when you like someone. I came home sad, but not optimistic. I was going to a brand new University in the fall, of COURSE there would be someone there. Well, before summer was over, I met Joseph online through myspace.com. Before I left for GSU, we hung out a lot and got to know each other.

Junior year @ GSU
So Joseph and I continued to get to know each other. We talked on the phone several times a day, sent mixed cds and letters through snail mail, in my mind, this was perfect. I liked him, he liked me, and we had chemistry. It couldn’t get any better! Well, it couldn’t get any better. A relationship never came from this friendship. He didn’t want a long distance relationship. Okay. I was hurt, really hurt, but I’m good now. Also, during the summer, I met Karim through another online personals site. The situation couldn’t be more impossible from the beginning. He’s from Gibraltar - that’s in Spain. Yeah. Even though we have a lot in common and he’s great guy, that’s just not going to work. Now, this brings me to the current situation. I’m going to make this brief - my fingers hurt. lol Met this guy, Scott, on gay.com. We talked for a while, I liked him and thought he was a cool guy. I thought were going to hang out and what not. Well, I haven’t heard from him since Tuesday. Bah.

So yeah, my love life is very, over. I’ve deleted all the accounts I use on a regular basis and am ready to move on. If I meet someone here at GSU or at the grocery store and we become friends and etc. that will be great, or if someone sets me up on one of those funny blind dates that would be cool, but I’m just through with meeting people online.

Alright, time to REALLY study for finals.

Good day!