Reading a new book, "Back Where He Started" by Jay Quinn and loving every word. Why can't life be like a book? Well this book at least.

I saw "Brokeback Mountain" last week. WONDERFUL film. I cried, laughed and cheered (to myself of course) during the film. Heath and Jake are awesome in the movie. J and I finally made it to the Midtown area to see the movie...speaking of him...

Lord knows I have written a lot of words about him in this journal. I just don't know. Earlier I was talking to a dear friend about the whole situation. I just felt sad and confused all over again. Sad over the fact that I still want him badly and will never get him and confused over what he thinks, if anything at all, over the situation. He’s so ambiguous about everything, I never really know what he’s thinking or what is agenda is. Maybe I should pull out Burke’s Pentad and try to find the underlying motive. Dr. G would be so proud. But I will tell you this, I am tired of thinking about the situation and I’m pretty sure he’s tired of me alluding to stuff. See, but that’s the other thing — I never know if he’s catching on to the questions I ask or the things I’m saying. I don’t think this situation is as big and important in his head as it is to me. Eh…what’s a queer to do?

Well, I do know that I love this book I’m reading and plan on staying up for another hour to read more.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Good day.