What’s that saying Morgan always uses when she makes a mistake? “Goddamn, I suck at life!” I feel like that, somewhat.

I finished reading “Back Where He Started” the other day. WONDERFUL book. Fabulous book. I really connected with the main character Chris. Not that I would know what it’s like to be a 49 year old white gay man, but the personal struggles he went through. The family that he built, that he worked so hard to keep and maintain, I want that. Something else that really stuck out to me is the relationship between Chris and Steve. The two most unlikely people end up being perfect for each other. And here’s the catch—they were honest with each other. They told each other what they expected and communicated. Chris was able to move on from a 22 year relationship and find his soul mate. As Chris said in the book, he had to move away from the long relationship “cold turkey.” I think it’s time for me to do that. I do not know what I’m doing. Pining away for someone that is clearly unavailable and not interested in a romantic relationship. I’ve got to leave that alone, cold turkey. I don’t want to, but if I keep playing with this fire, it will consume me whole and no fire fighter will be able to save me. God I ache for this person. Now, in the manual for being human, what page is the “Turn Feelings ON and OFF” on? I really need to read that so I can turn these feelings on and off.

Have you ever had a person in your life that really liked you? I mean, they let you know every time they were around you that they were interested. They would turn simple jokes into innuendo about their feelings toward you. Well, I think I am that person. I am that person who does that now and it just makes my skin crawl quite frankly. So gross. I just can’t let go.

Christmas was yesterday. Another Christmas, another day with the family. This time one of my older cousins hosted Christmas dinner. It was very nice. She and her husband had it in the clubhouse of their apartments. The setting was nice and cozy.

I gave my Grandmother the Oprah 20th anniversary DVD. I think I liked it more than she did! I stayed up last night watching a lot of the DVD. Can I just say that I love Oprah? I mean, this woman has it together and she has had it together. The “thing” or spark that I think makes Oprah so successful is her faith and heart. She actually has a heart and no secret agendas. She genuinely loves people and enjoys the connection that humans enjoy. If only I could be at peace with myself like that. I think I will make a top 5 list soon of the women I admire. There are just so many women who do so much good in the world. I love it.

Well, I have to be at B&N at 5am to mark books and crap down for the after Christmas sale. YAY for waking up early. The whole process would be so much better if I had my iPod…

Good day!