In all my life, I don’t think I have gone through this many emotions in such a short span of time. My heart hurts. My mind hurts. My body hurts. I hurt.

I don’t understand why I keep falling for people who aren’t available. It’s as if the God’s are laughing at me…saying, “Well, let’s see who else we can bring into Miguel’s life and turn it upside down – we shall give him a week or two of happiness, but then take it all away!”

Dear God, I don’t understand. I don’t think I’m bad person, I care for people, and I try to be as nice as I can. But lately it seems as if life keeps throwing me lemons, but I can’t turn them into lemonade. Usually I’m able to turn negatives into positives, but God, you keep sending me people who can’t be there for me. They are either confused, too far away, involved in another relationship, or just not interested. Are you trying to tell me something? Am I meant to be alone for the rest of my life? Gosh, and now I feel like a whiny bitch for even feeling like this. I always tell people, “You are only 18 or 19 years old, you have the rest of your life to find someone.” But it hurts, real bad. I’m just not use to this painful nervous feeling all over my body. God, please help me.

SO…back to the drawing board. School, newspaper, Student Government, Gay-Straight Alliance that’s what I’m focused on at the moment. I’ve got goals to reach; I can’t sit around and be sad. Things have to happen. But I will say this to the person – thank you for showing me that there is someone that I could fall in love with. I know it’s so premature to say that, but I feel like I could have, and I am happy to know that there is someone out there that I could be happy with. That is all.

Good day.