**PLEASE BE ADVISIED: Miguel is in one of his bitching moods, so be advised that there will be lot’s of complaining, bitching, and possibly gossiping; you have been warned!**


Stupor, I was trying to look up the meaning of this word in the dictionary, but of course it wasn’t there. But I think we all know what being a stupor means. I feel like I’m in one now. I have so many things (for lack of a better word) to be thankful for. I have a job, I’m going to college (it’s all paid for!), I’m healthy, and I have my family. But of course, I’m not happy. I think it’s a few things. One major issue is boys. I’m tired of them and what one has to do in order to get one. Sometimes I feel as if I truly dislike gay people, or just people in general. It seems like no one is interested in me. I don’t want to make it a racial thing, because it’s not, but I’m mainly attracted to white guys, but are they attracted to black guys, of course not. There not racists by any means, they just aren’t attracted. So one could see how that could be a little frustrating at times. Sometimes I just feel like a little dork. On these stupid little gay teen websites I e-mail people’s profiles and I never get a response. I don’t know if it’s just me being overly sensitive, or … I don’t know, it just pisses me off. Oh yeah, I don’t think I’ve added this in here, but I broke up with Michael two weeks ago, so I’m single again. Yay. Or not. Let’s see, what else is pissing me off? You know what? I don’t think it’s one person, I think I’m going through a bitter stage. I’ve been in three doomed relationships and it doesn’t look like one is coming my way any time soon. I’m probably looking too hard. Here’s my little envy story of the day. There’s this guy at my church who I have been in Love with since I was like, three. Over the years he has become increasingly hott. I mean, I can barley look at him in church because I know some dirty little thought will cross my mind. Well, the story thickens. I have always felt this vibe from him, it’s tiny if not no existent, but I know SOMETHING is there. There have been countless times where he let his leg brush up and stay against my leg, his hand just happened to snake it’s way to my leg or something. But to the story, so today I went to see him so he could do something with my nasty facial hair (he’s very good at cutting hair). I walk in, and he’s wearing a wife beater (mmmmm), gym shorts that are halfway down in delicious butt. I was a tad distracted while we were talking. So he’s cutting or doing something to my facial hair, since my hair has gotten longer I have to hold my hair out of my face when I shave, so I was holding my hair with my hands, he put his hand on my hand. Oh My Goodness. It get’s better, he’s outlining my hair line so he has to stand up all the way, I got a FULL view of him! I just wanted to start licking! But I digress. The quality I like about him is that he can talk to anyone. He goes to a VERY urban school, he’s rather urban himself, but when we talks to me, he speaks proper English and I can understand him. I was supposed to let him do my facial hair and leave, I ended up staying and talking to him for two hours. By the end of the two hours I just wanted to JUMP on him. I was trying to hint at the fact that I was gay, but he would duck the hints and bring up another topic. One day …