Saturday, January 11, 2003

It’ s amazing what the mind can do to you when you’re alone. I say the dumbest things to myself. Maybe I shouldn’t be typing this, people would think I’m crazy, well who cares, and everyone knows I’m half insane anyway, so it really doesn’t matter. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. You know what I mean? It’s like; I’m stuck in one spot and can’t get out. It feels like I’m on the verge of happiness or peace of mind, but it moves a little farther away whenever I get close to it. Today at church in my Sabbath school class we talked about success and how a lot of people search for peace of mind, but really if you rely on God and trust him then he will give you peace of mind. I don’t disagree with that, but I think that it’s also possible to gain peace of mind through a person. Maybe this sounds a little co-dependent, but there’s this, I don’t know, instinct in us all that tells us that to be happy we need to be with someone, that the special person you meet will be the person who sweeps you off your feet and makes the world perfect. If you have a problem you can just call them up and make it all better. WOW, this is never going to happen. Why do I even try? See what happens when I spend too much time by myself. I think crazy thoughts. I’m never going to find anyone like that, well it can be one of those dreams that you always hope will come true. To the next subject. I’m just writing what’s on my mind right now. I don’t know, I’m just SOOO bored! I want a freaking job but no one wants to hire me because of my freaking schedule. Well that’s it for now, who knows, I might add some more before the night’s out, I’m feeling a little adventurous. Actually, I’ll probably go to bed in a few minutes, I live such an exciting life. YEAH RIGHT.