Sunday, January 05, 2003

Well, I thought I had finally found the right person, or at least a relationship that would last for more then two weeks. It didn't happen. Last night I found out, much to my disgust, that my ex (as of 2 hours ago) smokes pot. I thought I was going to his house last night for a fun filled romantic evening, instead, he and his friend sat around and smoked pot and made stupid remarks. Since his friend doesn’t know about him being gay, I just sat there in disgust and watched them waist away. After I got home this afternoon I took a shower to get the smell of pot off my body, I then called him and told him that we couldn't be together. The whole pot thing was one thing among others that me to end it with him. This was kind of like the final straw. The other things I could get past, like smoking or drinking, but I couldn’t get past this. I mean, I think he is a cool person, but not everyone meshes well together, and we don’t. When he was introducing me to his friend he said that I was silent, and anyone who knows me knows that I am anything but silent, I’m never at a loss for words. But whenever I was with him or on the phone, we never talked. Every now and then we would talk about something but it would last for like only two minutes. I guess it’s for the best. But it still stings a little. I guess no matter who it is, if you have a break up in a relationship it’s painful. I felt so bad when I was telling him I just wanted to be friends. But in the end I have to watch out for myself and I can’t afford to be in relationship where I’m not happy. I want to write some more but I need to go work on some school stuff to get my mind off of all this. Well, now I'm back to square one, being alone.