Monday, November 29, 2004


Everyone getting thier food. Alicia, Jared, Jared, and Edgar. Posted by Hello

Monday, November 22, 2004

If I don’t die in the next couple of weeks, then I know that I can survive anything.

I’m sitting, with my oh so happy face, at the front desk at the radio station. They called me to come in today and do secretary work since the other gal was out sick today. Fun times…more money for meh!

This morning was brutal in Global Politics…I wanted to go to sleep sooo bad! I was trying to pay attention to Mrs. Sims talking, but I would nod off, ugh. I need to go to sleep earlier. This post doesn’t really have any significant importance, just something to do and look busy on the computer. We play classic rock, oh wait, we just changed a couple of weeks ago to Classic Hits, which means we added like three songs to the play list. No one here really likes the format; I don’t think many people do. Well since no one here really likes the music, I decided to bring in my cd’s to play while sitting here at the front desk. So yeah, I’ve got Britney Spear’s greatest hits cd playing!! Everyone seems to like it, or they’re just being nice to me. heh.

Tomorrow is the last day of class before Thanksgiving break. YAY! I won’t leave until Wednesday afternoon though. Stupid RA job, but it’s cool, I guess.

It’s really hot in here, and the place could a little sprucing up. I’ll have to take a picture of the radio station, it needs help. We have wood paneling in here. Wood paneling. Ugh. My room at home has the wood paneling, I can’t stand it. It looks so 1970’s. There’s nothing wrong with that, I just like to live in the now. Ok, now I REALLY sounds gay. Maybe I should just stop. The phone is ringing; I need to answer the call…

Good day!

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Just so I can procrastinate some more, I’m going to do a quick post.

I’m stressed. Like the stressed where my body gets so tense it hurts. I don’t know how to calm down.

Reasons why I’m stressed at the moment:
-It’s 3:00 in the fucking morning and I’m working on the newspaper (my fault).
-Astronomy test Tuesday.
-English paper due when I get back from Thanksgiving break.
-Global Politics paper due when I get back from Thanksgiving break.
-Map exam in History when I get back from Thanksgiving Break.
-The paper is supposed to be sent off to the press Monday and the FUCKING COMPUTER WON’T LET ME GET THE DAMN ARTICLES OF THE FUCKING FLOPPY DISK!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
-Can you feel the frustration? I can.
-The radio station is requesting that work more hours during the week.
-I’m alone.
-I have no life, but I wonder if I like it like that. I wonder if I do have a victim complex…
-I have this strange feeling that I’m going to gain like 10 pounds when I go home for break. As soon as I hit the metro area, I’m looking for a MOE’S so I pig out!
-OH, and another essay in history class is due when I get back from Thanksgiving break.
Breathe
-I like Britney Spears.
-I like some people.
-My neck hurts.
-fdsjgfsifgidl

Yes. This is what’s going through my head right now. A whole lot of nothing. hvjfkgbsfds

Good day.

I like Britney. Posted by Hello

My eye went crazy.  Posted by Hello

That's what I'm working on. The freaking newspaper. Posted by Hello

Look at me stressing! ugh Posted by Hello

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I think a YAY is in order for the moment. Tomorrow is Friday. Next week is Thanksgiving (my stomach is smiling) AND I got my money today!! What money you ask? Well I’ll tell you fine ladies and gentlemen…this summer my old high school sent me a letter saying that I could apply for a “follow up” scholarship that they were giving to people from the Class of 2003 who won the scholarship back when we graduated. In our essay we had to talk about accomplishments we made in our first year of college. Well I banged out a nice little essay and sent it on its merry way to Roswell. The deadline was August 1st; fast forward to the middle of September. I hadn’t heard from them so I thought they had awarded someone else. One dreary early October afternoon I was sitting in the newspaper office looking at the computer screen when an icon box popped up letting me know I had an e-mail. I opened up my e-mail, and there on the screen waiting for my eyes to devour it was the letter from RHS letting me know that I had won the scholarship!! I was elated. I was shocked. I was happy. I was put into an instant orgasm. (Sorry for the visual picture) I was just damn happy! So yeah, my checked arrived in the mail today and it was wonderful!! I won’t get to spend most of it, but just knowing that I finally have backup money puts me at ease. I’m like Mr. Backup, so now I don’t have to worry if something happens to my car.

Tonight the Theatre Company held a showing of “Camp.” Two people came—Jake and I. That’s it. No one else. That also happened when we showed the old time classic horror movies the week of Halloween, no one showed up. But we still watched the good parts and had a gay ole’ time.

Now I’m sitting in the newspaper office waiting for Danielle to come so we can start studying for our Astronomy test on Tuesday. I don’t like that class; I’m not going to get a good grade in that class. That makes me sad inside. Not really. If it were English, I would go jump off a ledge or something.

My deadline to get the newspaper to the press is Monday. Today is Thursday; I have a test Tuesday in Astronomy. I wonder if I’ll be able to pull this shit off. I sense a 24 hour day coming, maybe Saturday. That means I have to get a lot of sleep tonight so I can stay up the whole time.

You know what I miss? I miss the anonymity that Blogs use to have. When I look back at my earlier entries I cringe at the details I give. I left no stone unturned back then. I talked about any and everything back then. Anything was fair game. Now I don’t write about such private moments—I wonder if that’s a good or bad thing.

So over the Thanksgiving Break I’m going to work on my English paper, my Astronomy paper, my Global Politics paper, and study for the Map exam I have in History over the break. What a busy break this will be. Maybe that’s a good thing; I won’t spend so much money this time. Over Christmas break I plan on applying to UGA and Georgia Southern. I prefer UGA, but we shall see. I’m so excited to be graduating this spring. HA! Miguel with a college degree, although it will only be an Associates, but still, I think it will be cool.

Ok, so I think this is the most random I have been in a long time. This post is all over the place. That’s how it’s like inside my head, so many things going on all at once.

Well I’m off to study or sleep. Can’t remember which one.

Good day!

Monday, November 15, 2004


This is the other Jared, my Jared, you know, that kind. Not really. I have to get a more recent photo, but until then ladies and gents, I present to you....JARED! Posted by Hello
Well I've spiced up my blog a bit. I finally figured out how to post pictures on here. These are pictures from the past few months. Hope you all enjoy!!


Jessi, feeling a bit nasty are we?! hehe Posted by Hello

Edgar, actually looking happy for once. =) Posted by Hello

What I drink during the day. Like you cared - you better!! Posted by Hello

During one of the programs at the Cult Fest - I think the Veterans program. (L-R) Pete (Graphics lady, don't mess with her, she will BEAT YOUR ASS!), Rafael =), Brooke (Public Relations person. The girl is from Georgia, but I think in a past life was a working woman from New York; do not get in her way. I love her!).
 Posted by Hello

Kayla and I during the 'Walk for Diversity'. Posted by Hello

EWWWWWWWWW!!!! Posted by Hello

Jared is about to hit me again. This is right before the Cult Fest started.  Posted by Hello

I don't think I need to say anything here. I'll just let this imagine stick with ya. (Oh, and this is like the whole gay population of SGC. This was after our weekly Gay-Straight Alliance meetings.)
 Posted by Hello

I spend most of my life looking at this screen working on the newspaper. That's the cover of the November edition I was working on at the time. How exciting.
 Posted by Hello

Um, yeah, this was probably one of my gayest moments on earth. heh.  Posted by Hello

Someone tell him to sit down, like NOW!!! (Me dancing in the newspaper office after staying up ALL NIGHT working on the newspaper. I was not sane that morning.) Posted by Hello

Yeah, so Lee SAYS he?s a nice Mormon boy, this pictures says other wise.
 Posted by Hello

Um, I'm sorry for all who have to look upon such dreadful faces!!
 Posted by Hello

Jake and Frier taking a break from scaring people during the Haunted House.  Posted by Hello

Gov. Sonny Perdue and me after a longgg 3 hour breakfast with all the SGA Presidents of the Georgia colleges.  Posted by Hello

Jared was about to hit me in the face at the Cult Fest.  Posted by Hello

I really love Zaxby's.  Posted by Hello

Yeah, I hate Bush, and so does Catie.  Posted by Hello

Me sleeping in the newspaper office - cat napping is the new pink. Really.  Posted by Hello

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Ok, well I’m finally updating. For some reason I haven’t felt like sitting down and writing an entry. I guess since the DUMB ASS is back in office, my will power to do anything has left my body. The fact that people would vote for someone because he is a ‘good Christian man’ blows my mind. WTF?! I just, I don’t know. I’ve done all the complaining and bitching about it. I’ve had my low moments, my thoughts of packing up my crap and moving to a blue state, my thoughts of just not caring anymore. I can’t do that. We can’t do that. We’ve got to fight this, and we will. This is the perfect time for young people to get involved in politics, especially in the Democratic Party. This is a time of rebuilding, so in 2008 we will come out swinging; ready to sweep the country in blue. Until then, we focus on Georgia, and getting the top guy out. As of right now, I would like to see Cathy Cox up there in the Governor’s mansion, restoring sound fiscal responsibility, giving rights to the people, and all that good stuff.

I’ve got that out of the way. SO, my life. What’s been going on? A lot, but then not much. I love lists, and they make life easier, so here goes another one.

-The elections are over, SHIT, I can breathe now. Just a little.
-I’ve gotten motivated about the various clubs I’m involved in; hopefully I can breathe some life into them.
-SGA is coming along rather nicely with some projects we plan to put in place.
-I’m getting excited about going to UGA again. I really think I could get in. Lord I hope I do, I REALLY REALLY want to go to the Grady School of Journalism!!
-I will be graduating in May—if I get through the TWO math classes I’m taking next semester.
-I’ve been hanging out with a lot of different people, well not different people, just hanging out. It’s been fun.
-Kyle has gotten involved in a lot of activities on campus—that is one funny man. ZAXBY’S!!
-Catie and I hung out tonight. We went to Wendy’s, K-Mart (where I bought Britney’s Greatest Hits CD), her house, Broxton, and back to the college. I had just sitting around talking and singing songs.
-I really miss John Mayer.
-Phillip T. (I’ll explain later) (not to be confused with the one from SGC) is really cool. I just wish he didn’t live so far away!!
-So I won the money from the scholarship from RHS, now I think I’m going to buy a laptop when I receive the funds. I REALLY need one, my other desktop is, ugh, not good at the moment. I’m going to have to have Tyler take a look at it.
-Yesterday I went to ABAC in Tifton for the Young Democrats of Georgia meeting. I f-ing LOVE Democrats! How could you not?!?! I really am starting to think that I want to go into politics one day. I think I might start off with like a city commissioner type thing, and then build up to like the State House or something. Not sure. I still have a while, but I really want to get more involved with local politics.

Ok, well that’s about it for now. I have feeling I might be writing some more this week. I think I just needed to do this to get back into the habit of updating. This may be the longest time I’ve actually went out posting!!

Good day!!

Thanks to Catie: http://daddydesign.com/Barney.html

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Oh my gosh. I can’t handle it. My body is so tense at the moment, and I’m not even running for freaking President. Can you imagine how they feel at the moment?! Gah, that must really suck to be them.

SO, since I last updated nothing big has happened. I think that’s why I don’t update everyday; usually I don’t have much to say.

Yesterday (Tuesday), the radio station had me go to Broxton to broadcast the results from that precinct. My cell phone is stupid, so I had to drive back to the station and give my results. So yeah, I didn’t really read over all the names for the people, and this one name tripped me up, like big time. But I think I did well over the air this time.

So today we had Advisement day and here’s my schedule for next semester:
College Algebra MWF 11:00am – 12:15pm
Theatre Appreciation TR 11:00am – 12:15pm
African-American Studies TR 2:00pm – 3:15pm
Statistics W (night) 6:00pm – 8:30pm
Intro to Social Problems R (night) 6:00pm – 8:30pm

I’ll be taking Spanish 3, but I think it’s going to be an independent study. Well I’ve got to be off.

Oh, a special HELLO goes out to Phillip in T-Town! HA! Me trying to be “ethnic.” Whatever that means.

Good day!


Sunday, October 31, 2004

Hey hey...another week has gone by, thank you Jesus. I feel as if I have been in school FOREVER, but it's still October, well I guess I could say it's November.

I'm sitting at the radio station right now, bored. I should be doing something, but I'm just not in the mood at the moment.
This week has been an active one. Of course I wasn't able to get the newspaper to the press in time, so people will only have one day to read all of the political articles inside, but they probably wouldn't read it anyway. How do you get people who don't care to read our newspaper (http://www.sga.edu/newspaper)?! Maybe I should put two naked people inside or something, maybe then they would read. Probably not, they would just look at the pictures and put the newspaper down.

We did the Haunted House again this week. I didn't work inside scaring people like I did last year. After last week with the newspaper, I couldn't stand being in a spot for four hours straight scaring people, as fun as that sounds. I did crowd control this year. It was better than I thought. I got to talk to some of the local Douglas people who came through. I met some cool individuals, but I ran into a few assholes of course. After I finished briefing a group on the instructions for protocol inside the house, the boy at the head of the group whispered into my ear, "If I give you $10, can I call you a faggot?" WHAT THE HELL?!? I was so taken aback I didn't know what to say for a couple of seconds, after I regained my composure, I spat out something smart to him, and told his group to keep going. People are so bold these days! Ah...I wish that wouldn't have caught me so off guard, I would have had them taken out of the Haunted House. Next time I know what to do, well hopefully there won't be a next time.

I talked to the person that I was referring to in the last post, and things have been resolved. I still feel a twinge of pain when I think about what happened, but I try not to let all of those feelings permeate through out my body and ruin the moment. After a while I'll be able to have a normal friendship with them. Time is such a wonderful tool.

Oh, the General Manager of the radio station told me last week that he wants me to broadcast from a polling place on Tuesday evening. He wants me to report on air for who won there, YAY for some on air radio experience!

Caitlin and family sent me this nice Halloween basket of food in the mail. I was VERY shocked, and elated to get such a package!! I never get stuff like that...THANK YOU!!!!! - hint hint to my family!! Like they read this! HA!

Tuesday. Election Day. Oh God. PLEASE let Mr. John K. Kerry win. If Bush wins, I will be horribly upset and may have to move to Canada or London, or maybe Spain.

I'm done for now.

Good day!

Monday, October 25, 2004

I’m tired. Very tired. I’m emotionally tired, I’m physically tired, I am just tired. I hope I can make it through this entry with out falling asleep on the computer.

I don’t know what it is about South Georgia but my life has been crazy since I have been down here. This weekend was a memorable one. Here’s a quick rundown of what happened:

-Went to a surprise birthday party for Catie, but really wasn’t a surprise since Sam, Jake, and I got there late. But we got Catie some cool stuff; I hope she liked it all.
-Surprise party was VERY awkward because of certain people, and how certain people were being “together” while disregarding another people’s feelings. Make sense? Probably not, but that’s the point.
-The party went from awkward, to tense, to just painful.
-Someone made a black people comment/joke and I couldn’t take it.
-I left the party abruptly, but of course being the proper gentlemen, I said goodbye to the birthday girl.
-I ran down the stairs of the apartment crying my f-ing eyes out because I couldn’t understand how people could be so careless with other people’s feelings when someone had spilled out their guts to them and actually opened up. Still confused? I am too.
-I got in my car and just drove around crying and thinking about how I continue to get screwed over. Not just the I really don’t like you and I’ll never see you again screwed over, but the I don’t think I like you but I’m going to twist the knife around in your back screwed over. Nice isn’t it?
>After reflecting over what happened, I have come up with two ways that I can react to everything that has happened. Either 1) Never talk to this person again and be really bitter about it, or 2) Forget about it and move on. To be honest, I don’t know which path I want to take. I have never been this hurt before in my life and I don’t know how to respond to all these new feelings and emotions that have been raging around in my 19 year old body. But in all reality, I’ll probably follow the path of number 2 once I have finally calmed down from everything.
-I talked to someone from my past about what happened that night and they were really comforting. I was really happy that they were so helpful and insightful.
-I finally came back to the newspaper office around 11:30 on Saturday night and continued work on the newspaper.
-I worked on the newspaper, Jake came up and we talked for a bit while I was working on the newspaper.
-We went and met up with Brandon at the Huddle House at like 3 in the morning.
-Jake and Brandon talked about politics and I got sleepy.
-We all went back to the newspaper office and talked while I worked on the paper.
-We didn’t leave the newspaper office until 11:45 AM, and only because I had to be to work at the radio station by 12:30.
-I was awake for 32 hours. 32 hours. I thought I was going to die. I never knew how good sleep felt until I finally laid down after being awake for 32 hours.

The weekend is over, and it’s time to get back into the groove of things. I’m trying to keep my optimistic outlook on life and everything inside it, but as the weeks go by, I feel an invisible force trying to chip away at my optimistic outlook.

A lot’s going on this week, but sleep IS the number one goal in my life at the moment. I want to get as much of it as possible. Next week we vote for our future President—and that scares the hell out of me. Since I am away from home, I have an absentee ballot that I get to send in early. I’m going to put that in the mail tomorrow. I have just participated in democracy and it feels great.

Off to bed!

Good day!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

So I’ve been sitting here in the lobby of the dorms for the past 2 hours TRYING to do this assignment for History class. I don’t like the teacher I have at the moment. I don’t think I’ve ever been so confused by an assignment as I am right now. Last week when we were in class we spent 30 MINUTES, 30 MINUTES going over this assignment. Everyone was confused; no one knew what to do. Now you know if that happens then something is wrong with the assignment. Maybe it’s me, but usually if I read over the instructions a couple of times I can get it, but this is just, UGH. But yeah, I don’t want to just give up and go to bed. Then I’ll feel like my whole night was wasted and I didn’t get anything accomplished. To bad this essay/project is due Monday. I wonder if I can find my Professor’s phone number somewhere…hmmm….

Any who…tonight was the last night we performed “Wit.” We had a few mistakes here and there, but over all it was a great performance. Everyone did really well…for some reason tonight I kept wanting to smile and laugh on stage. There are some funny parts to the play, but none of them happen when I’m on stage. Weird. We had the cast party afterwards. I had WAYY too much to eat. Here’s a rundown of everything Miguel put into his mouth at the cast party: 4 pieces of pizza, 2 cupcakes, 1 piece of cake, and a cup of Diet Pepsi (and I say I want to lose weight!). So I feel rather sick at the moment.

Earlier in the day I was cleaning my room and found the information that Emerson College sent me a while back. I still wish I could go to that school. I think I’m going to apply just to see if I get accepted. I don’t know. Even if by some off the charts way they sent me an acceptance letter—I wouldn’t be able to pay for the school. $32,000 a year. HA!

Friday turned out to be a pretty good day. After the performance I went out with Catie, Samantha, and Jake. We went to Ruby Tuesday’s, drove around listening to self-deprecating music, met Pete at the fountain downtown (I sniffed his shirt several times – he smelled REALLY good), went back to the college and dropped Catie off, and I went back to my room for some silent time.

You know, I wonder where I will be this time next year. I will be here at SGC (GOD I hope not!!!), will I be at UGA doing my thang, or will I be at Georgia Southern soaking up all the alcoholic beverages that I hear flows from the streets? Who knows—I just want to make it past this semester!

Things on my mind at the moment:
1) I like sitting in the lobby at 2 something in the morning listening to John Mayer.
2) I wish I could marry John Mayer.
3) I wonder if I will be able to get the newspaper on the newsstands before the November 2nd elections.
4) Most of my Professors probably think I’m a slacker.
5) When I apply to a school, will they really look at the WHOLE picture?!
6) I like John Mayer.
7) It’s cold in the lobby.
8) I wish I had my jacket with me.
9) I really should try to figure out this essay thing for History class.
10) I have to study for my Astronomy test tomorrow.
11) I have to study for my Global Politics test tomorrow.
12) I need to start layout for the newspaper.
13) I’m voting for John Kerry.
14) Please vote NO if you’re in Georgia on the Constitutional Amendment to ban Gay marriage. You know it’s wrong!!! It’s ALREADY a law, do we really need to write discrimination into our state constitution.
15) I really enjoy eating.
16) I LOVE John Mayer and hamburgers.
17) I need to do history.

Well I’m all blogged out for the night. Till the next time…

Good day!

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Thank you Alan for your concern—you know me all to well, I am stubborn as all get out. You know, it still makes me smile to think about how far back we go. Remember Crabapple? Ah…the memories. Olympics, the Mat team (YOU ALL CHEATED AT THE OLYMIPCS!!!! I don’t care what ANYONE says, Bolivia should have won 7th grade!!! YOU ALL CHEATED!!!), Ms. Robinson’s art class, Mrs. Wood’s Social Studies Class, Mrs. GWEN Smith, Mrs. POLK (did she ever come out?), Ms. Booth’s missing arm, the 8th grade dance, the Georgia Trip…wow…that was a nice brief trip down memory lane.

As the week has progressed, I’ve kind of been up and down. I just can’t believe the range of emotions I’ve been through this week. I thought I was always pretty easy going (or not), but not THIS emotional, AH! It’s so annoying to not be able to control how you feel on the inside. I’ve gone from wanting to stay in my room and cry my eyes out, to wanting to scream, to wanting to get revenge of some kind…but I refrain and try to stay busy.

The play has gone well so far. Opening night was awesome. It seemed as if the audience was totally enjoying the performance—but there were a couple of times where the audience laughed and we (the cast) scratched our heads trying to figure out what was so funny. Who knows…

So this upcoming week is going to be another busy one. A test in Global Politics and Astronomy…I’m not all THAT worried about Global Politics, but I am terrified of the Astronomy test. I just don’t get science. When I’m reading the material it makes sense, but when I try to explain myself on the test, there’s nothing there. I think I have a science block or something. Weird.

Hmmm…having an online journal that people know about has both positives and negatives. When I want everyone to know the good news, I can put it right here for the whole world to see. But when I’m having a private moment that I really want to write about, and the people/person that’s involved knows about the site, the situation can become a bit sticky in what I can and cannot write. BUT alas, I will say this…this is MY journal, MY thoughts, MY rants, ETC. If you think that you are mentioned in here and are not portrayed in a positive light, my apologizes to you. A lot of times in life I don’t say much, I sit and observe. I don’t get [stuff] off of my chest in real life, so this Blog started as my vent, and will continue to do so. With that said…FUCK YOU.

Ok, I said it, whew. I’m sorry. I had to.

Now it’s time to go study for my History Map Exam I have tomorrow…

Good day.

Monday, October 11, 2004

In all my life, I don’t think I have gone through this many emotions in such a short span of time. My heart hurts. My mind hurts. My body hurts. I hurt.

I don’t understand why I keep falling for people who aren’t available. It’s as if the God’s are laughing at me…saying, “Well, let’s see who else we can bring into Miguel’s life and turn it upside down – we shall give him a week or two of happiness, but then take it all away!”

Dear God, I don’t understand. I don’t think I’m bad person, I care for people, and I try to be as nice as I can. But lately it seems as if life keeps throwing me lemons, but I can’t turn them into lemonade. Usually I’m able to turn negatives into positives, but God, you keep sending me people who can’t be there for me. They are either confused, too far away, involved in another relationship, or just not interested. Are you trying to tell me something? Am I meant to be alone for the rest of my life? Gosh, and now I feel like a whiny bitch for even feeling like this. I always tell people, “You are only 18 or 19 years old, you have the rest of your life to find someone.” But it hurts, real bad. I’m just not use to this painful nervous feeling all over my body. God, please help me.

SO…back to the drawing board. School, newspaper, Student Government, Gay-Straight Alliance that’s what I’m focused on at the moment. I’ve got goals to reach; I can’t sit around and be sad. Things have to happen. But I will say this to the person – thank you for showing me that there is someone that I could fall in love with. I know it’s so premature to say that, but I feel like I could have, and I am happy to know that there is someone out there that I could be happy with. That is all.

Good day.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

I learned a new word today – Panglossian: blindly or naively optimistic. This time last year that word described me through and through. Things have changed… in a sense, the rules of the game have changed. What rules and what games? Life. I don’t care anymore. I don’t know where this feeling came from or when it settled over me, but today, in the shower washing my hair, I had this nervous feeling – this feeling of impending doom.

For the past few weeks I have neglected most of my class work – studying for tests the night before, NOT studying for some tests and just walking in cold turkey. Not full filling obligations for clubs until the last minute, not returning phone calls—just not Miguel stuff. In the shower, after said feeling of doom, I tried to think about everything that was going on in my life to try and pin point exactly why I feel so nervous. I couldn’t find any thing that was about to happen that was making me nervous – it was EVERYTHING. I think I have seriously overloaded myself and have fallen behind. I’ve lost sight of my almighty goal of finishing school in four years with a half decent GPA and becoming really wealthy one day. I’m so overloaded that I’m just trying to make it day by day, not really thinking in the future. I’ve pretty much lost all hope of getting into UGA after this year (I’ve been told that I should be able to get in, but after this semester, I don’t know if that will be possible at all). Basically, I’ve bitten way more off than I can chew.

Taking 18 hours, being involved in just about all the clubs on campus, working, TRYING to have a social life has started to all blend together. But the academic priorities are making it to the bottom of my priority list. Sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school, taking classes that I’ve had already, reading material that probably will not help me in anyway in the future. It has all just become so monotonous. Something is going to have to change. I cannot continue to not care about class, I’ve got some motivation finding to do tonight. I need to get my old “Do it no matter what” attitude back about school. Enough bitching about that…

SO...new person on the horizon, or so I hope. GREAT personality, awesome smile, intelligent as all get out, witty, compassionate, empathetic, creative, taller than me (!), and all importantly…cute! lol I can be so vain at times, but you have to be attracted to people before you can really get to know them, and I am really attracted to this person. As of right now we are just getting to know each other and finding out about the other persons dreams, aspirations, goals, and the like. I enjoy taking this whole process slow… leisurely building an emotional connection. I think we have become good friends, and I hope that one day it might turn into something more, but for now I enjoy discovering this person’s personality and learning more about myself along the way.

For some reason I love making lists, it seems to lay out everything I’m thinking about in an easy format to go back over and scrutinize.

Short Term Goals
1) Make A’s or B’s on the next History, Astronomy, Global Politics, and Spanish 2 tests.
2) Balance my time. MORE time HAS to go to studying, doing the newspaper, getting to know ‘person,’ and everything else.
3) STOP my emotional eating! It’s just not cute anymore.
4) DO NOT PROCRASTANATE!!!!
5) I need to have like 15 minutes of quite everyday to calm myself down.

Well that’s it for now…hopefully I’ll post some more this week, until then…

Good day!

Monday, October 04, 2004

It’s already October! Where’s August? It seems as if we just started school, and here we are a week or so away from mid-terms. Wow. Time does fly by…

I have really had any time, or inspiration to write anything. The last two weeks have been nothing but hectic. The week before last I think I got a total of 6 hours of sleep the whole week…I can’t do that often or I’ll start to get all sick and nasty. Ugh…

Here’s a recap:

1) Worked on the newspaper for about a week. I stayed in the newspaper room until about 6AM some days – as I was leaving the newspaper office, the janitorial crew was coming in for the morning, not good. I missed the deadline to get the paper to the press so the paper is a week late. Considering this was my wise ideas to publish once a month, I think it was good that we got a 24 page paper out in a month, well a month a week. So hopefully I’ll be able to get the October paper out in October. Here’s to wishful thinking!
2) Went to a SAC meeting (not that SAC), it’s a meeting of all the Student Government Presidents at all the University System of Georgia school’s. We talk about all the fun stuff that no one really cares about…but the Chancellor did come and talk about the budget. We got some really bad news about the budget cuts and how tuition is probably going to be increased in January. Because of this, the Presidents from UGA and Georgia Tech have organized a state wide petition drive for all the schools in the University System. Out goal is to get 100,000 signatures and take them to the Capitol this Friday. We breakfast at the Governor’s mansion to talk with him about all of this and it was a bunch of back and forth talking in circles type thing. Nothing was accomplished so we are still doing the protest Friday.
3) I’ve come to the point in my academic career where I’m starting not to care anymore, and that scares me. I just don’t really care about these dumb ass classes we have to take! I just want to get to the good stuff where I learn about journalism and all that jazz. These core classes are boring me to death! AHHH!
4) For some reason the a/c in the dorms turned off to today so it’s REALLY hot in here. Nasty.
5) The rehearsals for Wit are awesome. I think we are going to have an awesome show.

Well that’s all that’s worth writing for the moment. I’m tired and have to get up early to distribute the dang papers around campus.

Good day!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Life is hectic, but good. Things could be worse. (I'm done, I've learned my lesson, once again)

I'm at work right now at the radio station listening to Nascar - got to love working at a classic rock station. I don't know half of the people we play, and don't let someone call here and ask me a question about the music - my usual response is, "Um, I can't answer THAT question, I'm a new intern here, but you can call back on Monday - thanks for listening to 99.5 WDMG The Big Dog!!" And of course I always smile before I answer the phone so I sound super happy. Yay.

Hmmm...so this weekend has been rather dull - well Friday was fun. Friday was the deadline for the newspaper, so I got to sit in the journlaism office and watch as people ran in or e-mailed me right at the 2:00PM deadline. I was there most of the day with Sam, my Copy Editor. At 6 pm Sam and I went to dinner with Jake, Alana, Rebbecca, Wes, and Edgar. We ate at the oh so wonderful food establishment of Zaxby's. After that we went bowling - where they charged me $2.00 for socks. Yes. TWO DOLLARS FOR SOCKS!!! You better believe I was pissed off. 2 freaking dollars! Any who...we had fun bowling, but 2 very important things happened to me there. First, when I did a "Grandma" roll of the ball, you know where you get down and push the bowling ball with both hands, my shorts split in the back. My FAT ass came right out - nasty - I was super embarrassed, I could feel the cold air hit my inner thighs (probably more information than you wanted know). But yeah, I took it like a man and made Alana go to her car and get me one of her jackets so I could tie it around my waist. Thanks. AND...I FINALLY, for the FIRST time in my life broke 100!!! YAY, I think I got like 114 or something. I was hella excited about that. After wards we went to Cafe Isabella for a quick sip, then we all went back to the newspaper office where I attempted to work on the newspaper layout. I didn't get much work done while everyone was there, but after they left I was able to get a bit done. I stayed up there till about 5:00AM working on the paper. Jake was there most of the time but he went into the computer lab and did whatever in there. So that was Friday - well since I didn't get to bed until like 5:30AM I didn't wake up until like 1:45 pm Saturday afternoon. Nothing really happened Saturday - I just went and worked on the paper some more, but this time I stayed until like 6AM this morning...I'm crazy. I just get in these zones where I just want to work until my head is really about to hit the desk.

Now I'm studying for my FOUR freaking tests I have this week. WHY the hell are all Professors giving tests this week?! AH!

Well I don't know if I wll be able to update this week seeing as how I'm going to be running on E the whole time, but we shall see.

Well I'm going to get back to studying for my Spanish test Tuesday.

Good day!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

It’s 2:43 in the morning and my black (or brown) butt is still up! AH! I can never seem to get to bed at a decent time. Tonight I had this quiz for Dr. R’s History class I had to do online. He’s gone somewhere for a week so we have to read chapters from this book about the history of Philosophy from the Greeks to the Renaissance. It’s called “The Dream of Reason” by Anthony Gottlieb. It’s interesting sometimes, but the author goes in circles with some concepts and theories of Philosophers. It’s mind boggling at times – well that’s how I feel right now. I just spent an hour and a half reading two chapters and taking the online quiz. My brain is a buzz right now with all the thinking I had to do. heh.

I’ve updating like crazy these past few weeks. I’m use to only doing this line once or twice a week. I’m pretty sure by this time next week I’ll be back to posting once or twice a week.

I think it’s time for me to do another one of my lists….

Things floating around my head right now:

-I can’t wait to drive into Athens as a UGA Junior next fall.
-Once again, taking 18 hours is NOT a wise decision! If your parents have money, and you have time, TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS freaking time AND enjoy college!
-If you don’t like something, damn it, change it!
-The internet in our dorm rooms is not working so I’m down in the lobby of the dorms on the -computers – that sucks.
-It’s really hot in here and I think my ass cheeks are sweating. (kidding…or am I?)
-I need to shave.
-The newspaper deadline is Friday, my deadline to get the paper out to the Press is next Friday – Holy Shit.
-I love doing layout.
-I wonder if all the shit I do is going to payoff one day.
-Will I be President of the United States, or Cuba? Hmmm….
-I really don’t want Mr. Bush to be President again, I think I might cry.
-I want to get married one day.
-I want to eat one day.
-I lost 6 freaking pounds these past three weeks! WOOT!
-New friends are awesome!
-I’ve had a movie from Movie Gallery for two weeks and I STILL haven’t watched it.
-I’m listening to Josh Groban right now – he makes me smile.
-“When you say you love me do you know how I love you?” –Josh Groban (#05 on his cd)
-My hand has blue ink all over it.
-I’m finally tired.

Well that’s it for me, I’m out. PEACE in the Middle East! (sorry)

Good day!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Well it’s been a couple of days since I lasted posted in here. Thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement. This was a really tough situation for me. Even though Smiles and I only have known each other for a day, it feels as if we have known each other forever. My heat still aches when I think about him and what could have been, but I have to move on. But who knows what the future will bring...

As of right now I feel like I am up to my eyes in work. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this year and get everything done and have a decent GPA. I hope I don’t have to put aside my dreams of UGA because of this year. There is just so much going on and NO time to do it in – but I could make better use of my time. I spend a lot of time just sitting around with different people during the day talking and such. I keep telling myself that I’m going to do my homework and crap in the afternoon so at night I can just hop in the bed and go to sleep. Ah, sleep…I sure do miss getting it. Last year I use to get like 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, gosh I miss that. Sleep is so good, I mean, it’s like AWESOME. I love that feeling when you first lay down and your body just relaxes…mmmmmm…..

Well I went to Weight Watchers last night for the first time since August. Get this, I’ve lost SIX pounds since August, SIX! HA! I just knew they were g ng to tell me that I had gained another whole person in size, but nope, I lost weight. So I’m going to TRY and get back in the Weight Watchers program so I can reach my goal by January. I’m actually going to stick to my New Year’s Resolution! Well at least one of them.

Something I did today (thanks Catie) -
The Ultimate Politics Survey
Describe your stance on:
Abortion: Pro-Choice
Affirmative Action: For - but with reform
Age of Consent: 17 - Let the kids do it! Just teach em!
Animal Testing: Please don't.
Death Penalty: I still don't know
Downloading Music/Movies: Hmmm...download! They have millions.
Drug Decriminalization: Tax it.
Factory Farming: Um, yeah...
Free Trade: Trade away
Funding of Arts: MORE MONEY!!
Gay Marriage: I'm going to have to say YES to this one!
Gun Control: Do you REALLY need that gun? NO!
Immigration: Let them come in! It is AMERICA isn't it?
Hardcore Pornography: If they are over 18, let em do it and show everyone.
Human Cloning: Clone away.
Miltary Draft: NO NO NO...but then again I'm telling...I'M GAY!!!!
Minimum Wage: Give the kids at least $6 to work with.
Prostitution: Hmmm...make it legal and tax it.
School Vouchers: NO! Make the schools better, duh!
Taxes: Keep them where they are, no more tax cuts until we can get out of debt, but then again I don't know much about this so....
United Nations: YAY?
Universal Health Care: YES! I don't have Health Care and I need some, I don't want to die.
War on Terrorism: Damn
Welfare: Yes, but with reform.
Take The Ultimate Politics Survey
Get more cool things for your blog at <\br>

I have play rehearsal in like ten minutes, so I guess I should get going…

Good day!

Monday, September 13, 2004

Well all good things must come to an end – or should I say reality. Tonight was that reality for me. Saddening yes, but I’m glad it happened now instead of a week from now. Smiles and I had a talk tonight and decided that it probably isn’t the best time to start a relationship. I’m fine, I understand, and I’m good with it. I was a bit upset earlier, but with some milk and cookies, I’m fine. I’m such an emotional eater! lol I really do need to stop that. Hmm…I’ve got nothing else to say…

UPDATE: Ok…so I’m adding to this post. It’s later in the evening; well I guess I should say morning. I had to stay up and study for a quiz, but in studying, I started thinking about the whole situation with Smiles. You know what? That really sucks…like really. I have fallen hard for this person, like really, and now it’s all gone, and it hurts. I guess it was fate that I was supposed to feel the ultimate high and the ultimate low this week. But I feel like such a dork because I’ve only known him for a week, but it feels like I’ve known him forever. AHH! All these different scenarios keep running around my head – I could have done this better – I shouldn’t have said that – I shouldn’t have looked like that. I know that none of that has anything to do with what happened today, I still can’t help but to think about it all. I’m really tired and sad and don’t know what to do. I just keep typing and I can’t stop. I think I might cry – I haven’t cried over someone before, I don’t think. I feel bad for making him feel bad. I hope he doesn’t feel bad, I know he has to find himself and figure out what he wants in life. We are just in two different places right now and it’s hard to make those places come together, I guess. I want a serious relationship, and he’s just figuring out life. I want someone to be there so we can share the good and bad moments. I want someone who can make my day feel that much better when I’ve lost faith in everything. I want someone to sit and watch the stupid girlie movies with me. I want someone to sit and listen to music with me. I thought I had it, but it’s gone. It slipped out of my fingers before it could materialize. Gosh I know this post sucks because I’m not going to go back over it and proof read, I just don’t have the energy. I just, I don’t know. I hope he doesn’t feel bad, I don’t want him to, I understand what he had to do, and it’s better now than in the future when my heart would have been broken and put in the trash, but it’s not. I’ll get back up tomorrow morning and continue on with life. That’s all we can do, right? Just keep truckin’ Gosh I sound like such a whiny bitch…well I guess when it’s 4:15 in the morning you sound like all sorts of things.

Bed.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

SO….I think this is the most I have posted in a week in a long time. But then again I haven’t had this much going on in one week in a long time. So let’s do a recap of the weekend thus far:

Friday: I had lunch with Frier, Jake, Jeff, and Jessi. I had a small cheese pizza – I felt like a total slob after eating all of that. Eating all that pizza kind of put me into a funk (food is like having an abusive boyfriend; it makes me happy, makes me sad, makes me want to kill myself-well maybe not kill, but you get the point) for most of the afternoon. I went to my room and took a quick nap, in preparation for the excitement that was to come that night. I woke up later on and got ready to go to the speaking event that Margaret Edson, author of the play “Wit”, was going to be. I arrived early so I could do my interview with her before the whole event happened, I didn’t want to wait around until after the event – I had “plans” for that evening. The interview went well; I succeeded in asking her a question that she had never been asked before! Here I come CNN! After this, I went to Taco Bell with Kayla, Ashley, Jamie, and Jake. I sat there for a while with them, and then I got a call from Smiles (of course that made me smile). I went to go see him. It was VERY nice. I love being around him, my spirits seem to lift and there are no cares. That was a good two hours spent – just talking and looking at each other (I’m smiling now).

Saturday: Woke up at 7:45 am to have breakfast with Margaret Edson. It was a time for the entire cast to just sit and talk with Margaret Edson about the play and what she what she had/has in mind for each character. It was very cool to actually sit and talk with the creator/writer of a play your doing. She’s such an intelligent woman. Very personable and quick witted. After the breakfast was over—10:00AM—I went back to my room and got some much needed sleep. Woke up, went to lunch with Danielle, and went to work at 5:30. Found out I didn’t have to be there until 6:45, stormed out and got some donuts from a gas station. Came back to work, got things working – then, THEN Smiles came to visit me at work! That was AWESOME! Made my freaking day! It was like a breath of fresh air coming through there. He stayed for a bit, we talked, I mostly just stared him down with googly (sp?) eyes. I’m such a puss…HA! He then had to leave, which made me sad. But I was happy I got to see him today.

That’s my weekend so far, not terribly exciting, but I got to see Smiles so they made it a great weekend.

Well it’s time for bed my kiddies.

Good day.


Friday, September 10, 2004

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy, well, maybe expect for graduation from high school. But I’ve been in this euphoric state since Tuesday. I’ve been like a little giddy four year old for the past week. Just walking around loving every minute of life. I think this is the first post in the three years I have been doing this that has been like, HAPPY – like SHUT UP happy!

Ok, even though my thoughts have been consumed with Smiles all week, life has gone on, and some new developments have been made.

Today I decided to fight the good fight, to help the lost souls of America see how very wrong they are in wanting Mr. Bush to be our President. Some friends of mine and myself talked, and we made the decision to start a Young Democrats club at SGC. We are not going to try to be an official club with funding and such—no time—but our main purpose is to get more people in South Georgia to 1) think about the issues with their OWN mind 2) Vote for Kerry! 3) and vote for Denise Majette! Our organizational meeting is next Wednesday. I’m really curious as to what type of turnout we will have. I expect it to be really big, or really small with like 5 people. I was encouraged today to see that Denise Majette, who is running for the U.S. Senate seat in Georgia, is gaining ground against the tough to beat, very experienced Republican candidate, Johnny Isakson. I know she still has a VERY long shot to beat him, but I would like to see her give him a run for his money. But my friends and I were talking and we thought that maybe we could bring Denise down here to Douglas. It might be next to impossible, but you can only try! I hope that we are able to make some difference in the strong hold that the Republican Party has over South Georgians.

Last night was the first night of rehearsals for Wit. They went very well – I think we are going to have a really good show. The only concern I have is the time we have to do this in. We have 5 weeks to put this extremely difficult play together. I hope we can pull it off, because if we do – it’s going to be awesome! I’m interviewing the author of the play tomorrow! EEEK!!! Please cross your fingers that I will do well and not sound like a stupid little inexperienced journalist.

The deadline for the paper is next week, and I have NO idea if everyone is going to be ready to turn in everything by next Friday! I guess we shall see who is really serious about the newspaper.

Well I’m really tired and it’s 2 something in the morning and I have class in a few hours. I was up reading for Global Politics (my morning class) and decided that I would just write, and I have.

A word on Smiles….he makes me smile. He makes me happy. He makes my insides warm. I like to sit and think about him and how wonderful he is. OK OK I’m done! And he’s great!

Good day!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Happy. Dreamy. Content. Excited. Elated. Surprised. Freaking fantastic! That’s how I feel right now! I’m about to burst open with happiness. Like, really, I mean, my stomach is opening right now as we speak and the happiness is just gushing out all over my computer. Sorry…I thought that was a good image for ya. But yeah, back to the happiness…so I’ve met this incredible person—all names will be held to protect the innocent—we had the chance to hang out today. It was awesome. I was like in pure bliss for three hours. Hmmm…I think for the sake of my blog, we shall just call him “Smiles.”

So Smiles and I had a great time today. We watched a movie, talked, stuff, had dinner, and kissed in the parking lot of Zaxby’s— SOUTH GEORGIA!!!! Normally I’m not big on PDA, but since this was like the goodnight kiss I had to, but it didn’t hit me until after I drove off that I had just kissed another boy outside in South Georgia. Thank you God for not letting us get stoned to death! lol

So yeah, that’s it for tonight – I just wanted to write this incredible night down so I can think about it again tomorrow. I know I know, I’m trying to not to be all over the top excited about the situation and Smiles, but I can’t help it!

Okay, off to bed I go.

Good day!

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Ya know what? Life is one big bitch. Here’s why:

1) Taking 18 hours (6 classes) is not fun. All I do is read – which is probably a good thing if you’re in college. So I guess that’s a good thing.
2) I can’t seem to lose weight. Every time I start on some weight lost thing, after two weeks, I quit. It’s like my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I don’t know what.
3) I can’t seem to hold on to any money, I think it’s because I stopped returning tithes to church. hmmmm….
4) My neck and legs hurt…ouch
5) So many potentials, but none ever materialize.
6) There is ALWAYS a meeting for SOME club, always.
7) I wish people would seriously get over the gay thing! It’s just starting to get annoying now! Oh my gosh – I like guys. BIG DEAL! GET OVER IT! UGH!
8) Having to deal with other people’s feelings is a bitch, and very difficult.
9) TIME MANAGEMENT!!!!
10) I WANT SOME COOKIES!!!!

Some reason’s why life isn’t a bitch:
1) I LOVE being Editor; it’s like my little baby that’s gone with me through college. I can’t wait to leave and see how it grows up. But until then, WORK WORK.
2) I met some really cool new people this past weekend. Let’s see if I can remember their names: Kyle, Ashley, JC, Chad, Justin, Kim, and Kyle’s cousin…I think her name starts with an L (I’m SO bad with names!)?! But anywho, I had a fun time with them Friday night. I know they probably thought I was weird since I didn’t say anything the whole night (I know, ME silent? It happens sometimes). I think the funniest part of the night was when I followed Ashley, Kyle, and JC to Kyle’s cousin’s house. His cousin lives in the COUNTRY, way back on some dirt road somewhere. I was following all of them in my little car on the dirt road. It was dark, there was dust, there was corn, I’m black – I was scared… Regardless – I had my eye on someone that night, but I’ll expand another day…fun times were had, met some new people and I hope to do it again soon. Thanks Kyle!
3) Catie is awesome! I think Catie and Caitlin would get along – both great girls!
4) I’m now the Vice President of the Gay-Straight Alliance at school! WOOT WOOT…I’m actually happy to not be President, I just don’t have the time to put a lot of energy to get the club up and running. At our last gathering, since I was the outgoing President, I had to lead the meeting. We had a handful of new people so I thought it would be fun for everyone to say their name, how many years they have been at SGC, etc. Well, there were these guys from local churches at the meeting who just wanted to “pop in and see what the club is about.” YEAH. They looked very uncomfortable the whole time. I should have yelled out PENIS after every fourth word to make them really squirm! Fun times.
5) Frier gave me a $25 gift card to Franklin Covey! THNAK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost had an organism when I got it! I LOVE that store!
6) The baseball players on my floor have been nice so far – I haven’t had anything written on my door or anything, but I think it’s getting to the point where they are figuring out that I am gay, so now they just say, “hey” and scurry along. But then, I sometimes wonder if they do that because I don’t seem as if I actually want to talk to them?! Hmmm…
7) I’m going to interview Margaret Edson next week! She authored the play, “Wit,” which was made into an HBO movie starring Emma Thompson as the lead character. She’s coming next Friday and I’m going to get to sit and interview her for the paper – like a real journalist! HA! YEAH RIGHT! lol We are also doing her play sometime in mid October – I was cast in the play by the way! YAY! I get to do some acting again!
8) We have a lot of new people on staff and I’m really excited, I think it’s going to be a good year for the newspaper.

Well that pretty much gives a synopsis of what my life has been like for the past week. Until next time… I’M GOING TO GET MY COOKIE!!
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