I learned a new word today – Panglossian: blindly or naively optimistic. This time last year that word described me through and through. Things have changed… in a sense, the rules of the game have changed. What rules and what games? Life. I don’t care anymore. I don’t know where this feeling came from or when it settled over me, but today, in the shower washing my hair, I had this nervous feeling – this feeling of impending doom.

For the past few weeks I have neglected most of my class work – studying for tests the night before, NOT studying for some tests and just walking in cold turkey. Not full filling obligations for clubs until the last minute, not returning phone calls—just not Miguel stuff. In the shower, after said feeling of doom, I tried to think about everything that was going on in my life to try and pin point exactly why I feel so nervous. I couldn’t find any thing that was about to happen that was making me nervous – it was EVERYTHING. I think I have seriously overloaded myself and have fallen behind. I’ve lost sight of my almighty goal of finishing school in four years with a half decent GPA and becoming really wealthy one day. I’m so overloaded that I’m just trying to make it day by day, not really thinking in the future. I’ve pretty much lost all hope of getting into UGA after this year (I’ve been told that I should be able to get in, but after this semester, I don’t know if that will be possible at all). Basically, I’ve bitten way more off than I can chew.

Taking 18 hours, being involved in just about all the clubs on campus, working, TRYING to have a social life has started to all blend together. But the academic priorities are making it to the bottom of my priority list. Sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school, taking classes that I’ve had already, reading material that probably will not help me in anyway in the future. It has all just become so monotonous. Something is going to have to change. I cannot continue to not care about class, I’ve got some motivation finding to do tonight. I need to get my old “Do it no matter what” attitude back about school. Enough bitching about that…

SO...new person on the horizon, or so I hope. GREAT personality, awesome smile, intelligent as all get out, witty, compassionate, empathetic, creative, taller than me (!), and all importantly…cute! lol I can be so vain at times, but you have to be attracted to people before you can really get to know them, and I am really attracted to this person. As of right now we are just getting to know each other and finding out about the other persons dreams, aspirations, goals, and the like. I enjoy taking this whole process slow… leisurely building an emotional connection. I think we have become good friends, and I hope that one day it might turn into something more, but for now I enjoy discovering this person’s personality and learning more about myself along the way.

For some reason I love making lists, it seems to lay out everything I’m thinking about in an easy format to go back over and scrutinize.

Short Term Goals
1) Make A’s or B’s on the next History, Astronomy, Global Politics, and Spanish 2 tests.
2) Balance my time. MORE time HAS to go to studying, doing the newspaper, getting to know ‘person,’ and everything else.
3) STOP my emotional eating! It’s just not cute anymore.
4) DO NOT PROCRASTANATE!!!!
5) I need to have like 15 minutes of quite everyday to calm myself down.

Well that’s it for now…hopefully I’ll post some more this week, until then…

Good day!

It’s already October! Where’s August? It seems as if we just started school, and here we are a week or so away from mid-terms. Wow. Time does fly by…

I have really had any time, or inspiration to write anything. The last two weeks have been nothing but hectic. The week before last I think I got a total of 6 hours of sleep the whole week…I can’t do that often or I’ll start to get all sick and nasty. Ugh…

Here’s a recap:

1) Worked on the newspaper for about a week. I stayed in the newspaper room until about 6AM some days – as I was leaving the newspaper office, the janitorial crew was coming in for the morning, not good. I missed the deadline to get the paper to the press so the paper is a week late. Considering this was my wise ideas to publish once a month, I think it was good that we got a 24 page paper out in a month, well a month a week. So hopefully I’ll be able to get the October paper out in October. Here’s to wishful thinking!
2) Went to a SAC meeting (not that SAC), it’s a meeting of all the Student Government Presidents at all the University System of Georgia school’s. We talk about all the fun stuff that no one really cares about…but the Chancellor did come and talk about the budget. We got some really bad news about the budget cuts and how tuition is probably going to be increased in January. Because of this, the Presidents from UGA and Georgia Tech have organized a state wide petition drive for all the schools in the University System. Out goal is to get 100,000 signatures and take them to the Capitol this Friday. We breakfast at the Governor’s mansion to talk with him about all of this and it was a bunch of back and forth talking in circles type thing. Nothing was accomplished so we are still doing the protest Friday.
3) I’ve come to the point in my academic career where I’m starting not to care anymore, and that scares me. I just don’t really care about these dumb ass classes we have to take! I just want to get to the good stuff where I learn about journalism and all that jazz. These core classes are boring me to death! AHHH!
4) For some reason the a/c in the dorms turned off to today so it’s REALLY hot in here. Nasty.
5) The rehearsals for Wit are awesome. I think we are going to have an awesome show.

Well that’s all that’s worth writing for the moment. I’m tired and have to get up early to distribute the dang papers around campus.

Good day!

Life is hectic, but good. Things could be worse. (I'm done, I've learned my lesson, once again)

I'm at work right now at the radio station listening to Nascar - got to love working at a classic rock station. I don't know half of the people we play, and don't let someone call here and ask me a question about the music - my usual response is, "Um, I can't answer THAT question, I'm a new intern here, but you can call back on Monday - thanks for listening to 99.5 WDMG The Big Dog!!" And of course I always smile before I answer the phone so I sound super happy. Yay.

Hmmm...so this weekend has been rather dull - well Friday was fun. Friday was the deadline for the newspaper, so I got to sit in the journlaism office and watch as people ran in or e-mailed me right at the 2:00PM deadline. I was there most of the day with Sam, my Copy Editor. At 6 pm Sam and I went to dinner with Jake, Alana, Rebbecca, Wes, and Edgar. We ate at the oh so wonderful food establishment of Zaxby's. After that we went bowling - where they charged me $2.00 for socks. Yes. TWO DOLLARS FOR SOCKS!!! You better believe I was pissed off. 2 freaking dollars! Any who...we had fun bowling, but 2 very important things happened to me there. First, when I did a "Grandma" roll of the ball, you know where you get down and push the bowling ball with both hands, my shorts split in the back. My FAT ass came right out - nasty - I was super embarrassed, I could feel the cold air hit my inner thighs (probably more information than you wanted know). But yeah, I took it like a man and made Alana go to her car and get me one of her jackets so I could tie it around my waist. Thanks. AND...I FINALLY, for the FIRST time in my life broke 100!!! YAY, I think I got like 114 or something. I was hella excited about that. After wards we went to Cafe Isabella for a quick sip, then we all went back to the newspaper office where I attempted to work on the newspaper layout. I didn't get much work done while everyone was there, but after they left I was able to get a bit done. I stayed up there till about 5:00AM working on the paper. Jake was there most of the time but he went into the computer lab and did whatever in there. So that was Friday - well since I didn't get to bed until like 5:30AM I didn't wake up until like 1:45 pm Saturday afternoon. Nothing really happened Saturday - I just went and worked on the paper some more, but this time I stayed until like 6AM this morning...I'm crazy. I just get in these zones where I just want to work until my head is really about to hit the desk.

Now I'm studying for my FOUR freaking tests I have this week. WHY the hell are all Professors giving tests this week?! AH!

Well I don't know if I wll be able to update this week seeing as how I'm going to be running on E the whole time, but we shall see.

Well I'm going to get back to studying for my Spanish test Tuesday.

Good day!

It’s 2:43 in the morning and my black (or brown) butt is still up! AH! I can never seem to get to bed at a decent time. Tonight I had this quiz for Dr. R’s History class I had to do online. He’s gone somewhere for a week so we have to read chapters from this book about the history of Philosophy from the Greeks to the Renaissance. It’s called “The Dream of Reason” by Anthony Gottlieb. It’s interesting sometimes, but the author goes in circles with some concepts and theories of Philosophers. It’s mind boggling at times – well that’s how I feel right now. I just spent an hour and a half reading two chapters and taking the online quiz. My brain is a buzz right now with all the thinking I had to do. heh.

I’ve updating like crazy these past few weeks. I’m use to only doing this line once or twice a week. I’m pretty sure by this time next week I’ll be back to posting once or twice a week.

I think it’s time for me to do another one of my lists….

Things floating around my head right now:

-I can’t wait to drive into Athens as a UGA Junior next fall.
-Once again, taking 18 hours is NOT a wise decision! If your parents have money, and you have time, TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS freaking time AND enjoy college!
-If you don’t like something, damn it, change it!
-The internet in our dorm rooms is not working so I’m down in the lobby of the dorms on the -computers – that sucks.
-It’s really hot in here and I think my ass cheeks are sweating. (kidding…or am I?)
-I need to shave.
-The newspaper deadline is Friday, my deadline to get the paper out to the Press is next Friday – Holy Shit.
-I love doing layout.
-I wonder if all the shit I do is going to payoff one day.
-Will I be President of the United States, or Cuba? Hmmm….
-I really don’t want Mr. Bush to be President again, I think I might cry.
-I want to get married one day.
-I want to eat one day.
-I lost 6 freaking pounds these past three weeks! WOOT!
-New friends are awesome!
-I’ve had a movie from Movie Gallery for two weeks and I STILL haven’t watched it.
-I’m listening to Josh Groban right now – he makes me smile.
-“When you say you love me do you know how I love you?” –Josh Groban (#05 on his cd)
-My hand has blue ink all over it.
-I’m finally tired.

Well that’s it for me, I’m out. PEACE in the Middle East! (sorry)

Good day!

Well it’s been a couple of days since I lasted posted in here. Thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement. This was a really tough situation for me. Even though Smiles and I only have known each other for a day, it feels as if we have known each other forever. My heat still aches when I think about him and what could have been, but I have to move on. But who knows what the future will bring...

As of right now I feel like I am up to my eyes in work. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this year and get everything done and have a decent GPA. I hope I don’t have to put aside my dreams of UGA because of this year. There is just so much going on and NO time to do it in – but I could make better use of my time. I spend a lot of time just sitting around with different people during the day talking and such. I keep telling myself that I’m going to do my homework and crap in the afternoon so at night I can just hop in the bed and go to sleep. Ah, sleep…I sure do miss getting it. Last year I use to get like 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, gosh I miss that. Sleep is so good, I mean, it’s like AWESOME. I love that feeling when you first lay down and your body just relaxes…mmmmmm…..

Well I went to Weight Watchers last night for the first time since August. Get this, I’ve lost SIX pounds since August, SIX! HA! I just knew they were g ng to tell me that I had gained another whole person in size, but nope, I lost weight. So I’m going to TRY and get back in the Weight Watchers program so I can reach my goal by January. I’m actually going to stick to my New Year’s Resolution! Well at least one of them.

Something I did today (thanks Catie) -
The Ultimate Politics Survey
Describe your stance on:
Abortion: Pro-Choice
Affirmative Action: For - but with reform
Age of Consent: 17 - Let the kids do it! Just teach em!
Animal Testing: Please don't.
Death Penalty: I still don't know
Downloading Music/Movies: Hmmm...download! They have millions.
Drug Decriminalization: Tax it.
Factory Farming: Um, yeah...
Free Trade: Trade away
Funding of Arts: MORE MONEY!!
Gay Marriage: I'm going to have to say YES to this one!
Gun Control: Do you REALLY need that gun? NO!
Immigration: Let them come in! It is AMERICA isn't it?
Hardcore Pornography: If they are over 18, let em do it and show everyone.
Human Cloning: Clone away.
Miltary Draft: NO NO NO...but then again I'm telling...I'M GAY!!!!
Minimum Wage: Give the kids at least $6 to work with.
Prostitution: Hmmm...make it legal and tax it.
School Vouchers: NO! Make the schools better, duh!
Taxes: Keep them where they are, no more tax cuts until we can get out of debt, but then again I don't know much about this so....
United Nations: YAY?
Universal Health Care: YES! I don't have Health Care and I need some, I don't want to die.
War on Terrorism: Damn
Welfare: Yes, but with reform.
Take The Ultimate Politics Survey
Get more cool things for your blog at <\br>

I have play rehearsal in like ten minutes, so I guess I should get going…

Good day!

Well all good things must come to an end – or should I say reality. Tonight was that reality for me. Saddening yes, but I’m glad it happened now instead of a week from now. Smiles and I had a talk tonight and decided that it probably isn’t the best time to start a relationship. I’m fine, I understand, and I’m good with it. I was a bit upset earlier, but with some milk and cookies, I’m fine. I’m such an emotional eater! lol I really do need to stop that. Hmm…I’ve got nothing else to say…

UPDATE: Ok…so I’m adding to this post. It’s later in the evening; well I guess I should say morning. I had to stay up and study for a quiz, but in studying, I started thinking about the whole situation with Smiles. You know what? That really sucks…like really. I have fallen hard for this person, like really, and now it’s all gone, and it hurts. I guess it was fate that I was supposed to feel the ultimate high and the ultimate low this week. But I feel like such a dork because I’ve only known him for a week, but it feels like I’ve known him forever. AHH! All these different scenarios keep running around my head – I could have done this better – I shouldn’t have said that – I shouldn’t have looked like that. I know that none of that has anything to do with what happened today, I still can’t help but to think about it all. I’m really tired and sad and don’t know what to do. I just keep typing and I can’t stop. I think I might cry – I haven’t cried over someone before, I don’t think. I feel bad for making him feel bad. I hope he doesn’t feel bad, I know he has to find himself and figure out what he wants in life. We are just in two different places right now and it’s hard to make those places come together, I guess. I want a serious relationship, and he’s just figuring out life. I want someone to be there so we can share the good and bad moments. I want someone who can make my day feel that much better when I’ve lost faith in everything. I want someone to sit and watch the stupid girlie movies with me. I want someone to sit and listen to music with me. I thought I had it, but it’s gone. It slipped out of my fingers before it could materialize. Gosh I know this post sucks because I’m not going to go back over it and proof read, I just don’t have the energy. I just, I don’t know. I hope he doesn’t feel bad, I don’t want him to, I understand what he had to do, and it’s better now than in the future when my heart would have been broken and put in the trash, but it’s not. I’ll get back up tomorrow morning and continue on with life. That’s all we can do, right? Just keep truckin’ Gosh I sound like such a whiny bitch…well I guess when it’s 4:15 in the morning you sound like all sorts of things.

Bed.

SO….I think this is the most I have posted in a week in a long time. But then again I haven’t had this much going on in one week in a long time. So let’s do a recap of the weekend thus far:

Friday: I had lunch with Frier, Jake, Jeff, and Jessi. I had a small cheese pizza – I felt like a total slob after eating all of that. Eating all that pizza kind of put me into a funk (food is like having an abusive boyfriend; it makes me happy, makes me sad, makes me want to kill myself-well maybe not kill, but you get the point) for most of the afternoon. I went to my room and took a quick nap, in preparation for the excitement that was to come that night. I woke up later on and got ready to go to the speaking event that Margaret Edson, author of the play “Wit”, was going to be. I arrived early so I could do my interview with her before the whole event happened, I didn’t want to wait around until after the event – I had “plans” for that evening. The interview went well; I succeeded in asking her a question that she had never been asked before! Here I come CNN! After this, I went to Taco Bell with Kayla, Ashley, Jamie, and Jake. I sat there for a while with them, and then I got a call from Smiles (of course that made me smile). I went to go see him. It was VERY nice. I love being around him, my spirits seem to lift and there are no cares. That was a good two hours spent – just talking and looking at each other (I’m smiling now).

Saturday: Woke up at 7:45 am to have breakfast with Margaret Edson. It was a time for the entire cast to just sit and talk with Margaret Edson about the play and what she what she had/has in mind for each character. It was very cool to actually sit and talk with the creator/writer of a play your doing. She’s such an intelligent woman. Very personable and quick witted. After the breakfast was over—10:00AM—I went back to my room and got some much needed sleep. Woke up, went to lunch with Danielle, and went to work at 5:30. Found out I didn’t have to be there until 6:45, stormed out and got some donuts from a gas station. Came back to work, got things working – then, THEN Smiles came to visit me at work! That was AWESOME! Made my freaking day! It was like a breath of fresh air coming through there. He stayed for a bit, we talked, I mostly just stared him down with googly (sp?) eyes. I’m such a puss…HA! He then had to leave, which made me sad. But I was happy I got to see him today.

That’s my weekend so far, not terribly exciting, but I got to see Smiles so they made it a great weekend.

Well it’s time for bed my kiddies.

Good day.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy, well, maybe expect for graduation from high school. But I’ve been in this euphoric state since Tuesday. I’ve been like a little giddy four year old for the past week. Just walking around loving every minute of life. I think this is the first post in the three years I have been doing this that has been like, HAPPY – like SHUT UP happy!

Ok, even though my thoughts have been consumed with Smiles all week, life has gone on, and some new developments have been made.

Today I decided to fight the good fight, to help the lost souls of America see how very wrong they are in wanting Mr. Bush to be our President. Some friends of mine and myself talked, and we made the decision to start a Young Democrats club at SGC. We are not going to try to be an official club with funding and such—no time—but our main purpose is to get more people in South Georgia to 1) think about the issues with their OWN mind 2) Vote for Kerry! 3) and vote for Denise Majette! Our organizational meeting is next Wednesday. I’m really curious as to what type of turnout we will have. I expect it to be really big, or really small with like 5 people. I was encouraged today to see that Denise Majette, who is running for the U.S. Senate seat in Georgia, is gaining ground against the tough to beat, very experienced Republican candidate, Johnny Isakson. I know she still has a VERY long shot to beat him, but I would like to see her give him a run for his money. But my friends and I were talking and we thought that maybe we could bring Denise down here to Douglas. It might be next to impossible, but you can only try! I hope that we are able to make some difference in the strong hold that the Republican Party has over South Georgians.

Last night was the first night of rehearsals for Wit. They went very well – I think we are going to have a really good show. The only concern I have is the time we have to do this in. We have 5 weeks to put this extremely difficult play together. I hope we can pull it off, because if we do – it’s going to be awesome! I’m interviewing the author of the play tomorrow! EEEK!!! Please cross your fingers that I will do well and not sound like a stupid little inexperienced journalist.

The deadline for the paper is next week, and I have NO idea if everyone is going to be ready to turn in everything by next Friday! I guess we shall see who is really serious about the newspaper.

Well I’m really tired and it’s 2 something in the morning and I have class in a few hours. I was up reading for Global Politics (my morning class) and decided that I would just write, and I have.

A word on Smiles….he makes me smile. He makes me happy. He makes my insides warm. I like to sit and think about him and how wonderful he is. OK OK I’m done! And he’s great!

Good day!

Happy. Dreamy. Content. Excited. Elated. Surprised. Freaking fantastic! That’s how I feel right now! I’m about to burst open with happiness. Like, really, I mean, my stomach is opening right now as we speak and the happiness is just gushing out all over my computer. Sorry…I thought that was a good image for ya. But yeah, back to the happiness…so I’ve met this incredible person—all names will be held to protect the innocent—we had the chance to hang out today. It was awesome. I was like in pure bliss for three hours. Hmmm…I think for the sake of my blog, we shall just call him “Smiles.”

So Smiles and I had a great time today. We watched a movie, talked, stuff, had dinner, and kissed in the parking lot of Zaxby’s— SOUTH GEORGIA!!!! Normally I’m not big on PDA, but since this was like the goodnight kiss I had to, but it didn’t hit me until after I drove off that I had just kissed another boy outside in South Georgia. Thank you God for not letting us get stoned to death! lol

So yeah, that’s it for tonight – I just wanted to write this incredible night down so I can think about it again tomorrow. I know I know, I’m trying to not to be all over the top excited about the situation and Smiles, but I can’t help it!

Okay, off to bed I go.

Good day!

Ya know what? Life is one big bitch. Here’s why:

1) Taking 18 hours (6 classes) is not fun. All I do is read – which is probably a good thing if you’re in college. So I guess that’s a good thing.
2) I can’t seem to lose weight. Every time I start on some weight lost thing, after two weeks, I quit. It’s like my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I don’t know what.
3) I can’t seem to hold on to any money, I think it’s because I stopped returning tithes to church. hmmmm….
4) My neck and legs hurt…ouch
5) So many potentials, but none ever materialize.
6) There is ALWAYS a meeting for SOME club, always.
7) I wish people would seriously get over the gay thing! It’s just starting to get annoying now! Oh my gosh – I like guys. BIG DEAL! GET OVER IT! UGH!
8) Having to deal with other people’s feelings is a bitch, and very difficult.
9) TIME MANAGEMENT!!!!
10) I WANT SOME COOKIES!!!!

Some reason’s why life isn’t a bitch:
1) I LOVE being Editor; it’s like my little baby that’s gone with me through college. I can’t wait to leave and see how it grows up. But until then, WORK WORK.
2) I met some really cool new people this past weekend. Let’s see if I can remember their names: Kyle, Ashley, JC, Chad, Justin, Kim, and Kyle’s cousin…I think her name starts with an L (I’m SO bad with names!)?! But anywho, I had a fun time with them Friday night. I know they probably thought I was weird since I didn’t say anything the whole night (I know, ME silent? It happens sometimes). I think the funniest part of the night was when I followed Ashley, Kyle, and JC to Kyle’s cousin’s house. His cousin lives in the COUNTRY, way back on some dirt road somewhere. I was following all of them in my little car on the dirt road. It was dark, there was dust, there was corn, I’m black – I was scared… Regardless – I had my eye on someone that night, but I’ll expand another day…fun times were had, met some new people and I hope to do it again soon. Thanks Kyle!
3) Catie is awesome! I think Catie and Caitlin would get along – both great girls!
4) I’m now the Vice President of the Gay-Straight Alliance at school! WOOT WOOT…I’m actually happy to not be President, I just don’t have the time to put a lot of energy to get the club up and running. At our last gathering, since I was the outgoing President, I had to lead the meeting. We had a handful of new people so I thought it would be fun for everyone to say their name, how many years they have been at SGC, etc. Well, there were these guys from local churches at the meeting who just wanted to “pop in and see what the club is about.” YEAH. They looked very uncomfortable the whole time. I should have yelled out PENIS after every fourth word to make them really squirm! Fun times.
5) Frier gave me a $25 gift card to Franklin Covey! THNAK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost had an organism when I got it! I LOVE that store!
6) The baseball players on my floor have been nice so far – I haven’t had anything written on my door or anything, but I think it’s getting to the point where they are figuring out that I am gay, so now they just say, “hey” and scurry along. But then, I sometimes wonder if they do that because I don’t seem as if I actually want to talk to them?! Hmmm…
7) I’m going to interview Margaret Edson next week! She authored the play, “Wit,” which was made into an HBO movie starring Emma Thompson as the lead character. She’s coming next Friday and I’m going to get to sit and interview her for the paper – like a real journalist! HA! YEAH RIGHT! lol We are also doing her play sometime in mid October – I was cast in the play by the way! YAY! I get to do some acting again!
8) We have a lot of new people on staff and I’m really excited, I think it’s going to be a good year for the newspaper.

Well that pretty much gives a synopsis of what my life has been like for the past week. Until next time… I’M GOING TO GET MY COOKIE!!

Ask me 6 questions. Any six, no matter how personal, private or random. I have to answer them honestly. Then post this message in your next Livejournal/Blog/Xanga/Blogdrive entry.

First week of sophomore year can probably be summed up in one word: HELL!

This week has been horrible. I’ve almost had one nervous breakdown this week. Let me help you all out: DON’T TAKE 18 HOURS AND BE INVLOVED IN OTHER CLUBS!! IT’S JUST NOT POSSIBLE!!

Ok, I’m done – that felt good. This week has been filled with lots of worrying, but the funny thing is I have no earthly idea what exactly I was worrying about. I think having 18 hours, being involved in clubs, having to work, having some thing of a social life just got to me subconsciously – but it slipped out and permeated into my conscious mind. DAMN that brain of mine! I think after talking with some people I’m better. I just have to realize that every decision I make right now is not going to determine the rest of my life. Even though it really does, I don’t have to focus on it ALL the time. Which I tend to do.

So there are these words that have been circling around my mind for a while, and I don’t know what to do with them. I guess it would help if I wrote down the words: Love, relationships, passion …words like that. Right now it feels like I have several avenues to get to have those words come to life, but I don’t know which way to take it. There’s Victor in Lavtia (I hope I spelled that correctly) who I have been talking to over the net for most of the summer. I know I told certain friends that I wasn’t going to do this anymore, but when you live in Douglas, GA and have nothing else to do, you have to find something to pass the time. We have been talking for a while and I feel like we have gotten close, but there’s only one thing that’s kind of making me be hesitant: I’ve never met him in real life before. I wish he lived here in the states, that would be so cool. He’s an awesome person; I think he can speak like three languages. He just graduated from college over there – he’s into graphic and web design. He seems like such the great package, but there’s that one thing, I’ve never met him before. I’m hoping that he will get to come over to America some time soon so I can meet him. I hope I don’t sound like a total loser! lol

Ok, well it’s 12:30 and I have a 9 am class tomorrow, or I guess I should say later this morning. History at 9:00 am, yay.

Poptarts are cool, and so is yo mama. =)

I’ve been at school for almost a week now, and of course the drama started as soon as I got here, but thank God I wasn’t in the middle of it. I was more of an innocent by stander, like usual.

Let’s just go through a run down of the week thus far:

Tuesday: Woke up was early and got on the rode at like 8 am to haul ass to Douglas. The trip usually takes four hours; it took me three, thank you very much. I got here in Douglas, had lunch with Frier, Musgrove, and Frier’s brother. I met up with Jeff (Resident Manager) to get my STUFF out of storage. It took me an hour and a half to unload my car and get all my crap from storage. Catie came over and helped me unpack. Being the proud ambivalent person that I am, I couldn’t decide on how I wanted to arrange my room, so we just hung my clothes up and unpacked some more crap. After that, we went to her house and hung out for a while. A little later in the evening Catie and I ventured over to Drew’s house where Mark and Pepijn were. Drama happened – I watched in awe and surprise as it all unfolded before my little brown eyes. I don’t want to go into details (it’s not my place to tells people’s business), but it got pretty messy.

Wednesday: Because of the drama of the above group of people. I was asked to go with Catie to take Pepijn to the University of Florida in Gainesville, FL where Pepijn will be attending school for the first time. It was such a beautiful campus. The bookstore, the union, the dorms (or as I would like to say, fucking beautiful dorms), the pool at the dorms, the hot guys playing basketball on the basketball court at the dorms…I digress… so anyhow, we took him around campus making sure he had all of his ducks lined up before school classes started. Pepijn’s roommate, who is VERY hott by the way, came along for the ride. His name is Wax, and he’s a hot British Asian guy, mmmmm…..After wards, Catie and I headed back to Douglas. I was very depressed going back to SGC. Being on such a beautiful and lively campus like the University of Florida really made me question why I’m at SGC.

Thursday: Woke up way to early to start checking in the freshman into the dorms. There are only two times that I hate being an RA, when we have to 1) Check people in during the Fall and Spring semesters, and 2) When we have to check people out at the end of each semester. But most of the new freshmen are cool, none of them look like murders or a rapist, which is a good thing, I think. Later that night I went and spent some time with Kayla and Ashley. We watched the Olympics…those Hamm twins are FUNNY sounding. You would think they would have deep bass sounding voices, but when they open their mouths, they sound like aliens or something.

Friday: More checking in of the freshman, FINALLY getting paid for my week of working at Barnes and Noble during the little summer break that I did have. OH, and I actually broke a promise to myself. I went to a high school football game. Yes, I, Miguel, went to a high school football game. The Coffee High Trojans VS the Ware County High Gators. I can’t believe I actually went; I made it a point never to go to a game during high school. When I was on Homecoming Court senior year, I left after the ceremony on the football field, I had NO desire to stay and watch a football game between guys that I had no respect for. But things are different now, I don’t know these kids and it was fun to go and hang out with some cool people. I met Brandon at the game, he was cool.

Saturday: Finally did some cleaning around my poor little room, washed the clothes so I wouldn’t smell bad the first week of school. Kayla, Ashley, Nicky, Catie, and Sam treated me to Golden Corral for my birthday. That was fun, all of us sitting there stuffing our faces (expect for Sam, she didn’t want to eat) and laughing over nothing in particular. Those are the moments in life that make it worth living.

Sunday (My 19th birthday): Well it’s 3 in the morning on my birthday and I’m sitting on my computer writing in my blog, fun. Let’s see, tonight I went to Movie Gallery and rented, “The Prince and Me.” I know, I know…I like the chick flicks, what can I say? But I enjoyed the movie. It made me incredibly sad afterwards though – it made me face the truth about love. NO ONE is EVER going to come along and “save” you from your life. NO ONE is EVER going to be that “perfect” one. They might be close, but it they will never be perfect. I hate that, I wish there was that one perfect person for me out there. I could sit here and type out off of the qualities I would want this gentlemen to have, but I’m way too tired and it would just make me sad all over again.

But yes, it’s August 22nd, 2004 – I was born 19 years ago. Thank you mother!

Well hopefully I will have time this week to update on the happenings of the first week of class. Until next time my loves….

Hmmm…well I started to write a post about how nice guys finish last, but I’ve changed my mind on that post. I’ve gone through several different emotions tonight. First I was content, then bored, then hurt, and then embarrassed, now angry, well not angry, just…I don’t know.

I used to get so upset at the fact that I could never find anyone to “love me” or ‘like me.” Bullshit. I think that gay men, or maybe just me, put way too much stock into what other “hot” men think of them. It’s so tiresome always worrying if you have on the right clothes, or if you’re acting too gay, or not gay enough. I feel like I’m back in high school! And I really would not want to revisit that place again! And you know what’s not cool either, people who smell. Just thought I would put that in there for some thought.

Things to think about this week:
1) My birthday is Sunday, I turn 19.
2) I return to South Georgia tomorrow (Tuesday).
3) I bought Ashlee Simpson’s cd, and I actually like it.
4) Every time I come home I always leave with no money…maybe I should never come home…
5) People suck
6) Being alone is just dandy, or that’s what I keep telling myself.
7) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
8) Frier is right, all the time: Who’s the source?!?!?!
9) TRUE friends are hard to come by.
10) What the hell am I going to do with my life?
11) Am I a sexy beast?
12) Am I a beast?’
13) Am I a fat beast?
14) I miss Buffy.
15) School starts next Monday, crap and a half.
16) Why doesn’t money grow on trees?
17) If your up at 3:00 in the morning, you really have problems…so why don’t you come over and we will all have problems together!
18) YAY.
19) I love cows.

UPDATE:

1) Finals are over – they sucked!
2) I might fail Biology – who gives a crap! (Actually, I do, but I am trying to pretend as if I don’t!)
3) I just finished the newspaper layout for the August edition and its kick ass! I cannot wait for everyone to see the new layout/design of the paper.
4) I am going to home tomorrow – I am excited, yet scared of going home. When I go home I spend wayyy to much money on gas, food, etc…but I cannot afford that right now. I have to be strict with my money.
5) I have totally fallen off my Weight Watchers program…I have GOT to get back in line.
6) I do not like Biology.
7) I like Spanish, but Spanish verbs are a bitch.
8) Big Brother comes on in ten minutes and I am excited – loser!
9) I am excited to see everyone from home.
10) I hope this fall brings many new and exciting situations and people.
11) I’m happy I met Catie and Mark this summer, they seem like cool people.
12) My birthday is the 22nd of this month and I really hope it doesn’t suck this year!

So that pretty much sums up everything I have been thinking about today, the day before I leave for home. I probably will not be able to update while I am in Atlanta…seeing as how my family doesn’t like to pay for an internet connection (HELLO, we are in 2004, are we not?!?!).

Until next time…

All good things must come an end...well I wouldn't call summer school a good thing, but it's almost over. This week we have finals, then Monday I am off to Atlanta to get some much needed rest. I think this is the worse I have done in school since, I can't even remember when I have done this bad in school. I am oh so close to FAILING Biology. Me, Miguel, Mr. Overachiever is about an inch from failing Biology. I have NEVER liked Biology, nor do I think I ever will. I would much rather stress over a history test where I least have some grasp of what's going on, than Biology where I feel like I don't understand anything. And as soon as I think I do understand something, the Biology Professor will ask me a question about the material and my mind just goes blank. IT SUCKS! JESUS PLEASE don't let me fail Biology! I can't, if I do, then I should pack it up and not even think about going to UGA. I guess I'll just have to head on over to Georgia Southern....

In other news..the newspaper is looking really good. It seems as if my creative side is finally opening up - I'm able to come up with some great layouts for the newspaper. I'm excited for the paper to come and see what everyone thinks about it. I love the front page of the paper, I think it's so cool. I have my eye on some new Freshman who I think would fit well with the rest of the newspaper staff. The first two weeks of school I'm going to go on a major recruiting hunt to scoop up the talented, committed new people for the newspaper staff.

I've had the pleasure if hanging out with some local folks from school this weekend. Friday I went to Valdosta with Jeff and we saw 'The Village.' I thought the movie was awesome - the ending was like, wow, I can't believe it... I then came back, looked at some Biology notes, took a nap, then went to dinner with Catie, Sam, and Pete. That was fun, just chilling out with people at dinner and talking about nothing in particular, just hanging. I don't get many moments like that...I'm always running to and fro, or trying to get a few minutes of sleep in. I took the three of them to the dorms so they could see the horror that is college dorms. They were all horrified at the jail like quality of the dorms - but to me it's become home. But that might explain why I spend most of my time in the newspaper office rather than my room. Here's a look at a picture Catie took with her camera phone...

Then I rode around with Catie and Sam...they took me to Coffee High, where they graduated from high school. I have to say, it put Roswell High to shame. I always thought we had a nice spread out school, but there high school is huge. But then again all of Coffee County goes there so they have to have a pretty big school. They rolled down the big hills at the school, I didn't roll. I didn't want to get dirty. (I know, I'm sad)

So that was that...yesterday I worked on the newspaper and was really happy so I went to Subway to treat myself. I ran into Catie and Mark there. I was leaving and they were coming so I decided to just stay and sit with them while they ate. It was fun just to sit and laugh, and that we did. Here are some photos that Catie took at Subway (I'm stealing them all from her live journal...thanks Catie!)
Catie and Mark

My hair looks a mess and I'm just...sad

Someone please stop me..

So that's pretty much been my weekend...right now I'm at the radio station working the Nascar race...fun, let me tell you. I've been studying for my Spanish final on Wednesday. When get back to the dorms, the studying for the Biology final starts again.

Next week I go home and work I Barnes and Noble (yay), and hang out with some old friends (yay).

I hate Nascar.

Hmmm...I think I need to do another list... Things I have learned this past week (and during this summer):

1) If someone from an Internet dating site e-mails you ten times in one day, it's time to BLOCK them.
2) If you pay $45 dollars to lose weight, you better damn well stick with it!
3) I'm now called 'Paper Fag' by friends from Douglas.
4) Why is EVERYONE in Douglas a Bush supporter? Well expect for those faithful few...
5) Don't ever do summer school again...
6) Don't inflict more stress on yourself than you already have.
7) Good friends are hard to come by.
8) I want my own radio show DAMN IT!
9) I need more money.
10) I turn 19 on the 22nd of this month.
11) I wish I weren't so numb to people.
12) Being alone sucks.
13) Don't ever do summer school again.
14) John Kerry rocks!
15) Anyone who tells me I can't compare the gay rights movement to the African-American civil rights movement can KISS MY ASS!!! Thank you very much!
16) I wish I had a better memory.
17) I don't like FOX News, CNN is better.
18) Don't ever do summer school again.
19) I hope is a good time to be alive this year.
20) I'm hungry and tired.

Until next time my doggies...or something....yeah...

I'm sorry....

HA!

M	Misunderstood
I	Industrious
G	Glorious
U	Unusual
E	Exciting
L	Lazy

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Today is a great day; no it’s a wonderful day. Why you ask? Well guess who lost seven pounds in one week? That would be me thank you very much! I’ve been on this program to become a healthier eater, and it’s been working! I’m so excited…I hope seven more come off this next week. I just really have to keep working at it.
 
So…this past week many things happened, it’s not terribly exciting, but it is life. Sunday night was the season finale of ‘Queer as Folk.’ It was awesome! I think the show has had more “Oh my God I can’t believe they did that” season finales, but this one was good in its own right. I especially liked the very last scene between Ben and Michael. As I posted last week, they were married in the last episode… they were wed in Canada. But when they tried to get back in the states the idiotic border patrol officer wouldn’t let them in with one sign in paper, or something like that.  His reasoning? “The United States doesn’t recognize marriage between gays.” Fuck you, bitch (1st F bomb). BUT like I was saying before, the last scene had Michael and Ben in the bed together, Michael couldn’t sleep. He nudges Ben to wake him up. He then questions Ben about the realness of their “marriage.” Ben goes into this spill about how it doesn’t matter and blah blah…the best part, the part that I thought was SO symbolic and kick ass was the very last shot…their, um, doing “it” and they are holding their hands with both of their wedding bans on their fingers, the camera zooms in on just the two manly hands together with the bans on, and the shot fades to white. To me it seemed like a big “Fuck you” (2nd F bomb) to all the people who discredit gay marriages. Thank you ‘Queer as Folk’ for stating the obvious like no one else can.
 
Ok, sorry you had to read through all of that if you did…I had to write it all out, I’ve been thinking about that all day.
 
Summer school is wrapping up…THANK GOD! We have two weeks of class and then a week of finals. I can’t WAIT for summer school to be over. It has been so stressful. Every time I turn around there’s another freaking test! THREEWEEKS! But then I only get two weeks between summer and spring semester. But I plan on coming back to Atlanta…I’ll be there for a week, I’ll then return to Douglas the week after that. I have to come back early since I’m an RA. Yay for me.
 
WDMG. Things have been fun there these past couple of weeks. Today they had me come in and do some extra work since the secretary had to go to the Doctor. About a week ago they had me working the board for the weekly sports talk show. I was honored that they would even let me do that. Well the person who normally works the board has cd’s of music that he uses for the intros and outros of the show; well since he wasn’t there they didn’t have any music for the show. Well guess who had his CDs handy in his car to use? Me me me! Guess what cd I used for this South Georgia sports talk show….none other than my Queer As Folk cd!!! HA HA! They all liked the music and complimented me on my music taste. Thank you very much. Well they probably wouldn’t care where the music came from…I just thought it was funny.
 
Hmm… anything else going on? OH…tomorrow they (radio station) have me going to one of the polling places here in South Georgia and doing a live remote letting the audience know the results from that particular polling location. I’m so excited…this will be my very first live gig on the air. I hope I don’t mess up! It’s going to be so funny to imagine myself standing their trying to be a “real” journalist. HA!
 
Well that’s about it for me, nothing else to report on. I’m sure I’ll have lots to write about for next week… a lot is happening this week, but nothing to exciting.
 
Yay. (2 F bombs)

Just got this e-mail, please sign:

Congress is about to vote on amending the U.S. Constitution to deny marriage equality to same-sex couples.

Never before has our Constitution been amended to take away anyone's rights. Yet our Senators will vote on this amendment in the next 48 hours.

It's urgent that we speak up now. This hateful divisiveness has no place in America. Please join me in saying so, at:

http://www.moveon.org/unitednotdivided/

Equality in marriage is the civil rights issue of our generation. We can't let anyone, or any group, be singled out for discrimination based on who they are or who they love.

Please call your Senators now, at:

Senator Zell B. Miller
Direct: (202) 224-3643

Senator Saxby Chambliss
Direct: (202) 224-3521

Urge them to:

"Protect marriage equality for everyone --
Vote NO on the Federal Marriage Amendment."

Thanks to Alan for providing me with the link to the article about QAF on cnn.com.



Some great quotes from the this weeks episode:

"It wasn't a story I told myself, the way straight kids did, that one day I'd meet that special person, and we'd fall in love and have a big wedding. For me, it was never real."

"It's also our God-given right to have everything straight people have. Because we're as much human beings as they are."
-Michael (Hal Sparks)

If you haven’t been watching Queer As Folk, then there is something wrong with you! I freaking love that show! I just finished watching this week’s new episode. The show is so awesome. Aside from the hot guys on the show, the writers make great commentary on the issues of today. Like this week’s episode – two of the characters (both of them men) got married in Canada. I almost started crying. To see the two guys, who are a normal family raising a teen, be able to have their love recognized by a state entity was truly beautiful.

When I was younger and growing up, I never got to see what two guys looked like getting married. I never got to dream about myself being married. Even now, before tonight, the thought of me being able to get married was a foreign one. But now that I’ve seen it, even though it is TV, it has made me really question the morality of people who say that gay marriage is wrong, or that it is chipping away at the social fabric of our society. What bullshit. Seeing those two people stand up on the alter before THEIR God, and become a legal married couple was truly inspiring. Seeing this episode has truly cemented my stance on gay marriage—full rights of gay marriage.

So now that I’ve had my inspiring moment of the week, I now need to go and study some more for my friggin Biology test tomorrow morning.

My new muse! One Mr. Michael Phelps - the awesome swimmer for the U.S. Olympic swimming team.

Ok, so I’m feeling pretty good right now. Usually I’d be all upset that I’m sitting in room studying Biology on a Friday night. But you ask why Miguel is happy this Friday night? Well ladies and gents, Miguel is studying Biology and he actually understands what he’s reading!! It’s awesome, he’s reading, understanding, and going on to the next section in the book. Who would have thought it? Awesome.

Go Gavin!

So here’s the deal. I hate being one of those whiny people who sit around and complain about how bad their life is…For the past couple of weeks I have been like that, and I am sorry for anyone who has had to witness this deplorable behavior. I’m going to save all the whinyness, woo is me crap for my Blog, where it belongs!

So I’m in my room looking over the study guide for Part 2 of the Spanish Mid-term, which is tomorrow. I understand most of the stuff, but then I get to the verb part. Holy crap, I don’t know how to do ANY of that stuff. Conjugate what? I have Spanish class Lunes through Jueves, but my schedule was screwed up, so I have Biology lab at the same time as Spanish on Thursday. The day they went over conjugates, I was sitting in the Bio lab—great! I called Jesse and she said that she would help me in the morning with it. I have to take the midterm at like 11 in the morning, fun.

Hmmm…there’s more I want to write about, but I’m not sure how to put it…I guess I’ll run it over in my mind and then post sometime later on in the afternoon or evening.

If I EVER take more than one class for summer school, please shoot me! I am up to my eyeballs in work. This crap is freaking killing me—I’m so sick of school right now. I don’t understand the Spanish in Spanish class, I don’t freaking know what fatty acid tails are in Biology, and I sure as hell don’t care about the bodies response to shock in First Aid.. Midterms suck ass – big nasty juicy ass!

I think I am a bit overwhelmed right now. I don’t like to admit defeat, but I think right now I need to wave the white flag, or whatever flag I would wave at a time like this. The newspaper is beckoning me, the Gay-Straight Alliance, Student Government, and whatever freaking else I’m doing is calling for me to work on it. It sucks…yes it does.

BUT, there is one bright spot in all this gray crap…it’s a person, a person here in Douglas. Who you ask? Well I’m not telling. I’ve learned that if you type someone’s full name or parts of their name on your Blog, when they type their name in a search engine, your Blog, with their name, and what you said about them, will come up. I just don’t want to risk that right now. Ok, I’ve had my mind on said person for a while now. I’ve been getting bits of information about them over the course of a year. I actually got to talk to them last week at their place of employment. Well actually I didn’t talk to them, a friend of mine who knows said person talked to them while I stood to the side and tried to think of something witty and intelligent to say. Needless to say I didn’t. I just stood there and nodded my head in the right places of the conversation, and laughed when I needed to, but not my loud throw my head back laugh, but the subtle smile laugh…yeah. But said person mentioned that they broke up with their girlfriend three months ago, which would lead me to the conclusion that this person is not gay. But if you saw said person, the first thought you would have is: gay. Some people are just in denial, what can you do? But I don’t know what it is about this person, I’m not usually attracted to people like him, but I am! This person graduated from SGC this past spring and is going to a four year school near by in the fall.

In this type of situation I would normally A) Give up and bury myself in school work (done), or B) Act like I never liked the person in the first place, and go about my merry business. I can’t do that this time. I have spent most of this year trying to figure out this person from afar, they have me hooked—with out even knowing. I’m trying to get his e-mail from some mutual friends so I can e-mail him and ask if he would like to just hang out, you know, be his friend. Even if this didn’t go down the road I would like it to, he seems like he would be a cool friend.

Well I guess I’ll end it here, my fingers hurt and I need to study for my friggin First Aid mid-term at 5:30 today.

Buenos Tardes!

Doing my part for Pride.

This was fun...


WOO-HOO!! You are Elphaba! You are a feirce Green
Ball of awesomeness! there is nothing you
can't' do...except for taking a bath.


what WICKED character are you?
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Guess who had a near nervous breakdown this week? Oh, that would be me! I don’t know what happened, but I just started feeling like crap in the middle of week. I called my mom and told her I was thinking about dropping out of college and hiding in a mountain for the rest of my life. She then informed me that I don’t like the outdoors and I would probably want a hamburger to bad to actually stay in that cave for a long time. But really… this was a really tough week. I had three tests, two of which I bombed, so by Wednesday I wanted to hide away from everyone and cry my little brown eyes out. I felt stupid, fed up, frustrated, and every other belittling emotion one can feel. I think it was the pressure of feeling like I have to do everything right the first time. I feel like there are so many people expecting me to do well in school, and if I don’t something bad will happen. Don’t ask me what this bad event or thing is, I have no clue – but I just feel like that. I called my mother and explained all of this to her and she said (in my mother’s typical fashion), “Don’t give a fuck what anyone says about you. You have proved that you can do anything you want to, if you feel like taking a break from school then you do that—I would strongly encourage you not to do that, but if you feel it’s necessary, pack up your shit and come on home for a good ole’ rest up. I love you and you will succeed no matter what you do in life.” My mother, got to love her for her blunt honesty. That calmed me down a bit. I went off to Subway, got a sandwich, came back to my room and plopped my depressed self down in front of the revulsion, where I stayed for the rest of night. The next morning I felt much better. I go through this every now and then; I just get this overwhelming feeling as if I can’t get anything done and I’m just standing in the middle of it all watching it all go by.

This evening I went to Frier’s house and watched Football (soccer). It was France and someone else, they tied at the end. I don’t really know what was going on—I was just looking at the guys in their wonderful jerseys. But anyhow, Frier’s husband, Mr. Frier, graduated from UGA’s Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communication a while back. He knows I want to go there so he gave me the Alumni magazine that the school publishes every season. Reading the magazine renewed my drive and determination to go there when I leave South Georgia College. During my depressed time this week I had come to the conclusion that I was to stupid to go to UGA and that I was going to go to another school…but after reading through the magazine, I know that I want to go to Grady and become a radio personality on a Top 40 station somewhere and rule the rule…hahahahahahahah…..

Things I have observed and learned this week:

-Some people can’t get over their childhoods….GET OVER IT!!!!
-Sulfur water smells REALLY bad, especially when you have to brush your teeth in it
-Biology makes NO sense, even though it should
-Why are the good ones Jesus freaks?
-Am I still a Christian when I use the term “Jesus Freaks?”
-I wonder if I write well enough to get into Grady.
-I need a new TV
-I need some money, like now
-I have GOT to lose some weight, my heart hurts
-I’m weird
-It feels good to know that people love me
-Even though I have to remind myself—I’ve had a good life so far
-Why does food cost money? Shouldn’t it be free since we NEED it?

It’s the little events in life that make living worthwhile.

I can’t get any type of signal for my cell phone in my dorm room. When someone calls I have to run outside to talk. Jenifer called me tonight and left a voice message, I wanted to call her back so I went outside to make the call. Upon arriving outside, I saw Stacie, Meg, and her boyfriend sitting on some cars in the parking lot having a talk. I walked over just to say hi, but I ended up staying and just talking for about 45 minutes. I can’t remember the last time I did that with people I don’t talk with on a regular basis. We just sat and talked about politics, life, and the stupidity of certain attitudes held by people in South Georgia. They then invited me to take a quick ride to Wendy’s to pick up a late night snack. Riding in the back of the car while John Mayer was playing in the background was nice. I think these are the type of moments in life that I seem to be missing out on. I think I spend so much time thinking about the future and how I want to be successful in life, I forgot about my happiness and emotional well being. It’s nice to be able to put down the wall I have up and just be me. For some reason I have a hard time doing that, in the back of my mind I think if people really saw my true personality they would run for the hills—but that’s not true, I have to get over that.

SO, what have I learned tonight?

-Don’t be such a tight ass (umm, yeah), have FUN!
-You only live once, live it up
-It’s the little events in life that make living worthwhile
-John Mayer is f*&^% AWESOME, and can be enjoyed in just about any occasion
-I can’t wait to get to UGA to make a book full of these memories
-I hope that I can make a difference here in South Georgia
-It’s REALL humid here in South Georgia
-I wish I had gotten something to eat at Wendy’s

Today I was feeling a little disgusted with life; I didn’t feel like doing any of the piles of homework I have, so I decided to change the blog template, again. I don’t know what’s wrong, today was just one of those days where I was annoyed with everyone and everything. I tried to laugh it off and be HAPPY, but it still didn’t help. I went to the gym and ran for a while, I felt better for a bit.

Gosh this summer school routine is getting old very quick…there’s so much to do in so little time. Today in Biology class the Professor was speeding through the notes like it was the last day of class and our final exam was tomorrow or something. She would spend like thirty seconds on a slide, go the next one, then say “Opps, don’t want to go over that yet,” and speed along to the next slide. I think I took down like ten pages of notes today. We have our first test in Bio Monday…I hope and pray and whatever else you can do that I do well on the test. I ended my first year of college really well; I don’t want to screw it up now.

A few thoughts that are going around my head at the present time but I don’t feel like expanding upon:

-Life can be lonely at times
-Music is wonderful
-Musical theatre (“Wicked” & “Rent”) taken in moderation can be a great stress reliever
-People (guys) who are drop dead gorgeous may not be as good as they look (I keep telling myself this…)
-The grass is NOT greener on the other side, bitch
-True friends are hard to come by
-Job security is a thing of the past
-Know it alls suck big time ass
-Religion is confusing
-Food is freaking awesome—but in moderation
-Can I get my Bachelors and Masters like today and just start my freakin career in radio right now?!
-I wish I had a photographic memory
-Money is nice
-Did I mention that music is awesome?

Got bored...


Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.




What color do you see the world in?
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You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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Summer school has gotten often to a wonderful start. My days are filled with Math at 8AM followed by Biology at 9:20AM. I then have a few hours to get some lunch and catch up with what’s going on in school with Frier. At 1:20PM I have Spanish class – sounds like fun, doesn’t it? On Thursday I have a Biology lab for like three hours. Oh, I forgot, on Wednesday night at 5:30PM I have First Aid until 8:15PM—I thought after high school I would be done with gym classes. But I guess First Aid is better than having Personal Fitness.

There are only about 27 people who live in the dorms during the summer, so I’m loving life right now. I don’t have to deal with loud music and people running up and down the halls screaming for no apparent reason. It’s SO much fun; I don’t even think you realize how much fun I’m having right now—yeah.

My life hasn’t been very exciting for the past few weeks, not much to write about. Well I guess I’ll go and do some Biology reading—until next time…muhahahahahahaha.

My cousin graduated from high school tonight. I felt like a proud older brother watching his younger brother walk across the stage and get his diploma. But of course, with anything that I attend, something pulls my mind away and gets me to think about other things. Like tonight at the graduation – my cousin Tyrone goes to South West Atlanta Christian Academy – if you haven’t heard about the school, you will in a couple of weeks. My cousin graduated with Dwight Howard, he’s supposed to be the next best thing in basketball (I think he’s supposed to be the number one pick for the NBA draft in a couple of weeks – but don’t quote me on that, as it is sports related and I usually have no clue what I’m talking about when it comes to sports). But anyway, this kid’s life is about to change—big time. I think he’s like 6’7 or somewhere around there - he’s huge! But after the graduation everyone was walking out of the church, hugging and giving congratulations to the graduates. Sitting right there in front of the church so everyone could see was a brand new BWM something something waiting for Dwight, via Nike. He stands to make 60 million dollars from an endorsement deal with Nike, and he hasn’t even been signed to a team yet!!! So that got me to thinking, why? Why does he get to have the money, fame, and glory? I’m not asking those questions for myself, but for my cousin. My earliest memory of my cousin was of him holding a basketball and saying something about Michael Jordan. He would spend countless hours outside honing his skills. He has always wanted to play basketball and make a living out of it, but I don’t think that’s going to happen for him. He was on the same winning team as this Dwight kid, but his talents were probably over looked because everyone’s eyes were focused on the beast running up and down the court hovering over everyone. I’m happy for the kid; he seems like the kind of person who is and will be very humble and down to earth – I just wish my cousin got a little piece of the pie. Well I guess he did in a way – I think they won like their division title or something like that, so he probably has the memories of the games and practices to cherish.

In other news…
My summer vacation is coming to a close; this Monday I head back to Douglas for summer term. I guess it’s going to be fun… I think it will be better than my time here home. I haven’t really done much, but then again I haven’t really wanted to. I’ve just been going to work at B&N, having lunch with people, and sitting around the house watching TV. Not a real exciting summer vacation. But I have spent way too much money since I’ve been back home! I’ve bought a few new CDS: Adam Joseph (little white boy who knows how to sing soul music – awesome), Rufus Wainwright (I’ve never heard anyone like him…very different interesting sound), Jamie Cullum (British boy who knows his jazz music!), and last but not least, Tamyra Gray (I am of the belief that she should have won the first American Idol, thank you very much!)

Well I guess the next time I post I’ll be back in wonderful Douglas…happy hunting!?

Well I’m all Folked out. I’ve been up in my room for the past two days watching the first season of “Queer As Folk,” and you know what? That show is damn good! I like how it shows different aspects of gay people. They have the whore (but oh is he fine, but watch out, he will bite), the young twink, the old one, the self-described nelly bottom queen, and the big heart…oh, and lets not forget the two “dykes”. At first I was a little concerned by the drug use on the show, but as the season progresses the writers show that are consequence for drug use. But anyway, I love that freaking show. I don’t know if it’s number one, Buffy will ALWAYS have a place in my heart – I don’t know if anyone could take over her spot. I think in the next few weeks I’m going to try and buy season two on DVD so maybe next week I can lock myself in my room again and watch season two.

Watching the show gives me this, I don’t know yearning for something more. It’s like I’m supposed to take a next step in my gaydom. I went through the self-acceptance stage. I’ve been through the whole coming out process (well there’s still one more person I have to tell but I don’t know when that’s going to happen). I’m now going through the “I want to get political and abolish homophobia on earth” stage. So what’s next? Clubbing? Hanging out with a bunch of gay guys? A long-term relationship? Who knows, but I’m sure it won’t happen at SGC. I’ll probably have to wait for the next step to come at UGA, for now I’ll keep myself busy getting political… Down with Bush!!

Tomorrow I’m going for my usually testing, HIV testing that is. I know it probably seems a bit weird writing about it on my blog, but I have to talk (write) about it with someone, and if it’s my computer at 3:41 in the morning, then so be it!! =) I’m not worried about anything, everything should be fine.

Well, off to bed… dreams and be so fun at times…

It’s done. It’s over. It’s finished. I went through finals and didn’t die! I’m impressed with myself. I just knew that after my World History and Sociology final I would be DEAD. But I survived and with a 3.5 GPA to prove it! Yay for me trying to be the good student.

Yesterday I left SGC with mixed emotions. On one side, you couldn’t get me to leave Douglas fast enough; sometimes that small town suffocates the life out of you. I mean, you can be in Wal-Mart, sneeze, and ten minutes later someone across town knows about it! But being in a small town does give you this safe feeling that I lose as soon as I enter metro Atlanta. But, dare I say it, but I think I actually might miss Douglas (it hurt typing that). I won’t miss the small mindedness, but I will miss my dorm, with my super fast internet connection (well – when it worked), my bed, Subway, the newspaper room (my second home)… and just the independent feeling I have when I’m there. But going home is apart of the whole growing up /college experience.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my future and how I want to go to UGA when I finish up at SGC. I’m excited, but then scared out of my wits about going up there. I’ve gotten comfortable being at such a small school, it’s hard to imagine myself at such a huge school. But I have a feeling that by this time next year when I’m all done with South Georgia College, I will be ready for the big leagues, I guess.

Well I’m off to do… nothing…I need to find something to do while I’m here at home…

By next Friday 1/4 of my college career will be over. This year has been full of so many changes and weird events. I'm EXTREMEY happy that the year is over, but I hope that I make it through the week. Finals are going to kill me, or at least put me into a coma! Right now I'm at the radio station working the board for Nascar (yeah, me and Nascar, who would have thought?!), I was studying for Butler's test. I have his final Monday morning at 8AM. Fun.

Today I stumbled across some livejournals of some folks who live in Douglas. Wow. I still get freaked out when I see how small Douglas actually is. It's like everyone in this freaking town is connected somehow. But reading through people's livejournals they were talking about each other and the dramas that they go through. In a way it made me feel bad that I wasn't inloved in any"drama," not to say that I want to be inloved in any drama, but these people have lives, they ineract with each other. I don't really do much of that, outside of the newspaper room or at club meetings. Last night was the exception. Kayla, Ashley, and Jake came over to the dorms and we hung out. We sat around and talked about nothing, then we went and got dinner from different places. When we came back we had some interesting convseration about life and the future. Kayla and Ashley then helped me start to pack my room up. I really don't want to move my stuff back to Atlanta. Yes I do want to go home, but I don't want to stay in the house with my Grandmother and Mother. I love them, but I just feel like since I've moved out I should stay out. I guess that comes from my mother telling me as a child that as soon as I turned 18 I had to leave the house.

Oh, after a bit of confusion and spirited debate, South Georgia College now has a Gay-Striaight Alliance. We were approved as a club on the SGC campus and we have a budget, oh yeah! Now it's time to start spreading the love to everyone on campus, or try to.

Today we had the showdown. No one died, no one lost an eye, but there was plenty of spirited debate. This was the day that I proposed a Gay-Straight Alliance be started at South Georgia College.

A little background: at a usual Student Government meeting we probably have about four people: the President, VP, Secretary, and advisor. Well today we probably had about 35 people at the meeting. A lot of people were there to support the Gay-Straight Alliance, while there were a few who were there to voice their opposition to the club. Luckily, the Baptist Student Union didn’t come as a club and say that they didn’t approve of the new GSA – that would have been extremely, for lack of a better word: stupid! But any ho, so the meeting got started and we went through our usual Student Government information. I got to present a nice plaque to the President for his work with us this year, yada yada…Finally we got to the good part – I got to propose the club. There were many eyes on me so I was slightly nervous, but none the less I got up and explained the purpose of the club and what we intend to do on the campus. After my presentation another wanna be club presented there mission statement and such to the Student Government to get recognized by the school. Then we entertained questions from the audience. The floodgates opened. Some one from BSU proposed that the school just not fund any of the clubs in the school and that all clubs on campus fundraise. This was immediately shot down by several members in the Gay-Straight Alliance. To spare all the details of the whole conversation I’ll get to the good part, well the good part in my head. I wasn’t going to say much during the “discussion,” I just wanted to hear what everyone had to say BUT some one from the BSU made the comment (and this isn’t the exact quote-bad memory-but somewhere along these lines) “I know gay people, and the gay people I know don’t shove what they do in the bed room down my throat.” For some reason that pissed me off, so I had to get up and say something. I said, “We are not a club about sex, we are not going to sit around and talk about who’s having sex with who, we are here to promote acceptance of different sexual orientations through education. This club will also be a support group for people who don’t have a voice and need some where to get away from the negative forces in their life.” While I was saying this I did some pounding of my fists on the table and got the whole emotional thing in my voice, it was pretty intense.

SO, tomorrow I go to the Student Activities Budget Committee and I find out if the club has been approved (I think) – then we sit around and allocate funds to each of the clubs – fun!

Well I need to get back to my English paper.

This week has been VERY interesting! My school has been simmering with emotion – I have a feeling that this pent up emotion will explode this upcoming week. I’m starting a Gay-Straight Alliance at South Georgia College – you probably will ask yourself, “Why is this boy trying to commit suicide?” I am not – I know that people here are crazy and SUPER, even sometimes freaky about religion. I just feel like I have to let people who don’t have a voice, get one. I want to help those poor kids who have been in these little South Georgia towns their whole life and have had no where to turn. I know, I want to save the world – this is my small way of doing that. But any cow, some of the students involved in the BSU (Baptist Student Union) got wind of me starting the club last Monday and went into panic mood trying to get the club stopped. But thanks to great friends and GREAT faculty advisors, the club is more than likely going to get approved. There’s no way the club could not get approved. We had an organization meeting Thursday – it was SO awesome seeing all those people who care about the fight against stupidity. It made me proud to be a member of the human race.

Today was a fun day. This morning I gave tours around the campus to alumni – they graduated from SGC between 1950 and 1955. It was awesome to hear them tell stories from when they went here. The buildings haven’t changed much since they have been here, but the people have – big time. Later on today I went to VSU with Frier, Jake, Jeff, Josh, and Mr. Frier to see “A Chorus Line.” The performance was top notch – the acting was awesome, the singing was awesome, it was just a well rounded show. Before the show started I saw John C. and Jennifer Hamilton in the lobby. It was cool to see people from RHS again. I talked with them for a while – oh, and Sheana Tobey was in the musical, she was awesome as usual!

Being in Valdosta and seeing all the cool DIFFERENT looking people really made me NOT want to go back to Douglas. When I’m here my longing for diversity isn’t THAT bad, but when I go to Valdosta or somewhere else and I see that there is life on the outside of Douglas it makes me want to pack my crap and never come back – but I only have a year, so, deal.

Well this is going to be another busy week – I need to get a jump start and try and get some work done…well I’m off…

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together baby
Free together baby
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to love you more than anyone

Why do people who have nice bodies torture us less fortunate souls? It’s just NOT fair! I don’t care how much I workout, diet, it seems as if I will never get that “six-pack” or nice slender face, DAMN my fat genes! One day, I swear, one day. But until then, I’ll kept running on the treadmill three times a week…

Well tomorrow is Honors Day at my school, and I’m up for ‘Best All Around Male’ – I don’t think I’m going to get it, but it will be cool to see everyone get their different awards. I have to take pictures at the gathering, this will be fun, yes, lots and lots of fun. I’m tired and ready to go to bed but I have a bunch of stuff to do but I’m still sitting here typing like I have not a freaking thing to do in the world. Such fun is had at South Georgia College. Yay for you, yay for me, yay for everyone that I know.

Bored.

Okay, two signs that I’m going insane.

In math today I was taking notes, but falling asleep (I know, bad Miguel) while writing. At some point I fell asleep but kept writing, for some reason I wrote Elections on my math notes. That was really odd, I wonder what that means?

Another reason why I sometimes think I’m crazy. Tonight I was working on a paper for English, it was going well until I wrote this sentence: “One would think that a scene about someone’s house about to be burned down would be a bit more dramatic, but the only characteristic the mice has is that it is an unlikely mouse.” What the hell?! Am I on drugs and not know it? I’ve read this same poem that I’m discussing in the paper a million times and I still don’t know what the hell I meant by that sentence. I think I’ve totally lost it!

Another busy busy week… when will it ever stop?! But I like it this way. So the deadline for the paper was this past Tuesday—it wasn’t a good day for me. A lot of people didn’t turn in a lot of articles, so I have to find stuff from my @$$ to put in the paper - which may not be a bad thing, if you know what I mean...wink, yeah. Next year I’m going to start off the year by telling everyone that if they don’t produce when they are supposed to, then they shouldn’t even bother coming back to the newsroom! AH!

Anyway, I’m excited for the upcoming week. We have Honor’s Day at my school. I was nominated for Best All Around – it’s a really cool award at my school where faculty nominate students, then a committee picks two guys and two girls, then the rest of the school votes on the internet for the winners. I’m not expecting to win, seeing as how I’m a Freshman and the other two guys are Sophomores, not to mention that there both super smart. But I think it’s still cool to be nominated. (The PC answer)

Let’s see, my plans for this weekend:

Friday night - I’ll be at work probably until 8, and then I’ll go and work on the newspaper probably till about 1 or 2 AM.

Saturday -Wake up around…hmmm…I’ll say 10 or 11AM, I’ll go get breakfast then head back to the news room to my baby. Frier-newspaper advisor-is supposed to come around 2PM so we can go to Wal-Mart and pick up a few items for the news room.

Sunday -Work, then go to Ruby Tuesday to eat something nice, since it will be Easter. What do people usually do on Easter? I can’t remember the last time my family did something for Easter, I guess that’s why I don’t make a big deal about it now that I’m in college.

Sorry for making you endure this post, I’m not that sleepy right now, I’m trying to get there.

Goodnight.

Well I thought it was time for a change. I was getting tired of the old black look. What do you think about the radio towers? I figured since I’m a broadcast major who wants to work in radio, I should have some radio towers broadcasting my show to the entire world to see, yeah right.

But yeah, it’s Friday night and I’m here, on my computer, typing. Sounds like a bunch of fun to me.

The deadline for the paper is Tuesday, so “Hell Week” starts for me Tuesday @ 2PM when EVERYONE is going to turn everything in to me at the last minute. That really ticks me off, but I can’t really say anything seeing as how I haven’t written my soapbox column yet. That’s #1 on my to do list for this weekend, that and sleeping.

Well I’ve got crap to do…I’m off…

http://www.taggedmail.com/welcome.html?aa=38d3&rsid=aalink

Spring break is officially over… please excuse me while I go and kill myself! As soon as I got back to school Sunday, I was bombarded with tons of work to do. I’m feeling a bit stressed at the moment, but my spring break was fun, not real exciting, but fun.

-Quick warning: this recap of my Spring Break is slightly out of order, during breaks from school I don’t carry my calendar around, so I don’t remember dates – it’s quite sad.

Let’s see... I went to Ryan’s house for a bit and had dinner. I always enjoy eating dinner with the Pernice’s, such witty conversation is made. I’m usually laughing trying not to choke on my food. Sometime during the week I made my first trip up to RHS since October. I went and saw all the teachers and people that are still there. It was weird being back at RHS—seeing that life was able to go on with out me there. (I know, that’s really big headed of me to say, but everyone gets a big head moment a week, right?) I had lunch with some old teachers at Rhea’s—quite delicious: the hamburger, fries, nice juicy burger…sorry…I’m slightly hungry. Mr. Huff, the old assistant principal of RHS, has moved to Roswell North Elementary; I went over there to see him and talk about life. He’s such a wise man; he should be President or something. Sometime during the week I had lunch with Alan at Chick-Fil-A. What else did I do? OHHH…yeah… I went shopping, like ‘major oh-my-god I spent to much money’ shopping. I went to see Joel in his school’s production of “Little Shop of Horror’s.” He was an EXLLECENT Seymour – go Joel! Before I went to see Joel in his play, I went up to the North Georgia Premium Outlets on 400. Yeah… lots and lots of my money was left up there, but I returned with some awesome clothing. My mother finally caved in and got me a cell phone! Yay for moms who give in! I did some other stuff but I’m too tired to type or remember what I did…

I now have to work on my speech for Public Speaking and try to understand this math crap for the test this Thursday.

Goodnight to all – save the whales.

Gone home for Spring Break - see-ya in a week!

I got this from the smokinggun.com website:

MARCH 11--We're not sure if anyone keeps track of such things, but Julia Roberts may be the country's oldest alleged crack dealer. The 96-year-old North Carolina woman--that's right, 96--was busted Monday along with a few younger relatives/cohorts for running a drug operation out of her home. As noted on the below Cleveland County Sheriff's Office report, Roberts is facing a felony distribution charge and a misdemeanor drug paraphernalia count.

Oh My God. I just saw the most disturbing thing! I was going to the bathroom to relive myself *coughs* I noticed that the door to the bathroom was closed, we usually keep them open. I didn’t think twice. (Mistake 1) I walk into the bathroom, and what do I see? Some guy shaving his, um, “other” parts. I was embarrassed for him, me, and his mother. In confusion I ran, actually, I made a stride over to the bathroom stall. I was so shocked, and… embarrassed I just giggled (Mistake 2) to myself in the stall and came out. I walked back outside the bathroom with my head down (Mistake 3). Now THAT was weird.

Oh, here is my first radio voiceover commerical - let me know what you think!
http://www.kickwave.com/sgc/Miguel%20Fuller%20-%20Radio%20Announcement.mp3

Spring Break is only two days away! THANK YOU JESUS!

These past few days have been filled with a lot of thoughts about myself. My inside. Who I am.

Who am I? This question plagued me most of my high school career, and since I’ve been in college the question has been pulled to the forefront of my mind everyday. I don’t know who I am. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to get at with this entry. I use to think that I was able to express what I felt, but as I get older and my feelings and emotions become more complex, it’s harder for me to put what I’m feeling into words.

I think by the end of the week I can officially label this my “gay cinema” week. I’ve seen two gay themed movies and they both have deeply moved me. This first one I saw at the beginning of the week was the awesome awesome independent movie “Camp.” It came out in the movie theaters this past summer and I finally was able to grab a copy from the local video store. Though some of the plot was a bit simple and some of the acting was so so, there was still a great message to the movie: No matter who you are, what you are, where you come from, you are still important to someone. I just really identified with one of the characters from the movie, well several actually. Tonight for the first time I saw the movie “Boys Don’t Cry.” Oh my gosh, I just, I don’t know… I was speechless after seeing the movie. After every time I hear about a hate crime, or see a movie about it, it always leads me if this stupefied type mood. I just don’t know what to feel. I think I feel anger, I think I feel sadness, sometimes I just feel defeated. I feel like there is just so much hate in this world, I sometimes wonder how can I as one human being make a difference? How can I change the minds of so many people who profess to be loving, but hide behind the Bible while condemning others? How do you stop that hate? Some times its just overwhelming thinking about it. But I think what really upsets me is that there are people who feel so isolated and down. There are gay kids (teens) who think that no one loves them, no one cares. I wish I could talk to each and everyone one of them and let them know that someone does love them and some does care.

I don’t really think I have a conclusion to all of what I just wrote; I’m just left with a bunch of questions.

Ladies and Gents, I think I have found a new favorite song! For the past two years John Mayer has dominated my cd player. I think I own every CD he has put out. But, a new day has come, and with that new day, a new band has come along. The wonderful band I am talking about is none other then the wonderful, talented, creative, band: Nickel Creek.

I downloaded a few of their songs about two weeks ago. I liked their sound, and I remember Ryan and Dana going to one of their concerts senior year and saying how much they liked them…I think… So last weekend I went to Wal-Mart—they didn’t have it. I went to K-Mart—they didn’t have it. Finally I went to the cool little record store here in town called Sounds Good—they DIDN’T have it! By this time I wanted to cry! But they said they would order the cd, and that it should be in by Tuesday. Well Tuesday rolled around and when I went in to purchase the CD, the clerk at Sounds Good told me that the warehouse where they get CD’s from was out of Nickel Creek CD’S!!!!!!!!!!! So I had to wait all week until today to get it! And I got it, and it’s awesome! I love the cd, yay yay and more yay.

Am I the only person who doesn’t drink or smoke? I know I’m considered a boring person, but gosh, I thought there were other people out there who didn’t drink or smoke. I went to Cory’s room to return his cd player back to him. (I borrowed his cd player so I could work out, that’s one of the only good things about my school: our new fitness center and swimming pool.) His roommate was there as usual, looking like he would just love to put his foot between my eyes. I ask where Cory is and he gives me some smartass comment, when he could have just said, “He’s in Steven’s room.” After I try to decipher what he has just told me, I just go over to Steven’s room. As I’m walking towards Steven’s door, I hear him and Cory talking, so of course I stand by the door and listen to what there talking about (does that make me a bad person?). I hear a third voice and I am immediately intrigued. I can’t really understand what there saying, so in frustration I give in and knock on the door. To my surprise, the guy that I happen to think is very hot and I see him ALL THE TIME, answers the door. This takes me by surprise, and like an idiot, I say, “Um, yeah, is, um, Steven there?” He does that sexy little ha ha thing, and says, “Yes.” I walk into the room and it smells like a freaking ash tray. Like the super smart person I am-HA!-I look around the room. Cory is on Steven’s couch, his eyes are red, Steven’s speech is a bit slurred, and the cute kid is about to bring out the guitar. I’m not happy all of a sudden—it looks as if Mary Jane has paid a visit to Steven’s room. Bitch. I say something about Cory’s cd player, and I abruptly leave. I hope that I was wrong and they weren’t smoking. If they were, I will be really disappointed. But it’s not like they would care one way or the other if I were disappointed. But I’m also sad that I have found another fault with Mr. Cutie. The other day I saw him drive by the dorms with a cigarette in his mouth. He lost like 20 points in my book. That is so gross. But yeah, I’m not going to worry about those fools tonight, I need to get some shut eye, like now. Goodnight.

Some good reading: http://damgi.com/