WARNING: REALLY BORING SELF PITTYING MATERIAL!

I just feel like I can’t compete. It seems like the world is full of nice pretty people and me. I wish I didn’t have this inferior feeling in the back of my head. I think that is going to be the thing that kills me when I’m older, working so hard to prove to anyone who will listen that I am smart, I can do whatever I put my mind to, etc.

I just look at most of the people I know, and it just looks to me like they have everything they want. I mean yes I know that there are plenty of people in the world who are in a way worst position in life then I am. And the people that I am envious of, I know they have their own problems, but I can’t help but be a tad jealous.

But to the real reason why I go to be in this crappy mood. Boys. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know why I have this mentality that I have to be with someone. I tell people that I am in my “self-discovery” years and that I don’t want anyone, I’m enjoying being single. But yet, everyday, just about every other hour, I yearn for that special someone. That someone who will understand Miguel. He will accept me for who I am. He will LOVE all of me, my insecurities, my faults, my values, my likes, my goals, me. That’s what I want, and it seems like a lot people I know have that. That special one. That someone who makes the room spin when you see them, the person who can call you when you’re having the day from hell, but manage to put a smile on your face. The person who will make me feel safe; make me feel included in this world.

That one. God my heart just hurts thinking about how much I want to give my heart to that someone. I hope it happens.

Someone got REALLY bored...



You come from the Middle Ages. Your soul came from
a time when dragons, knights, war and
Princesses ruled the land.



you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse



YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!






How random are you?

this quiz was made by alanna



Funny Asian Man

find your queer
as folk personality!

57% addicted to Instant Messenger. How about you?

OH GOSH, I CAN’T WRITE….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH….HAHA…HA..H…A

Coming home is always really weird. I don’t know if I really miss home or if I’m just ready to get away from the stupid people at my school.

I’ve been home since last Friday. Church on Saturday was ok; I was just a tad annoyed that everyone kept commenting on how much weight I have gained at school. I just wanted to look at them and say, “Really, I hadn’t noticed at all, seeing as how I have to look at my fat ass every time I get out of the shower!” Sunday was spent Christmas shopping with my Grandmother and working. Oh how I Love working at Barnes & Noble. I think that’s the best retail job someone could have. It’s stressful at times, but usually fun and relaxed.

Ok, I’m tired of recalling what’s happened to me this week…now I’m going to go into the random part of the entry. This whole process of life is interesting to me. Going through school, graduating from high school, and then coming back to see your friends during break. I wonder how long that’s going to happen. Well for me it’s a bit more difficult to stay in touch with everyone since I live so far away. And it also has to do with the whole thing about feeling like an outsider. I know a lot of people from high school, but it doesn’t feel like I will know them for the rest of my life, I think. I don’t know. It’s just weird being home; it brings back all the memories from school and such.

I don’t my entries make much sense…I just type as the thoughts come to my head; I don’t really try to organize my thoughts.

Hey, visit this and post: SGC News

AHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......washing machines suck!

Oh yeah, it’s SO fun being a journalist, well, a college journalist. We just had the winter edition of our school newspaper come out this Friday (yesterday). I wasn’t expecting to hear much about the articles that I wrote, since I didn’t write anything controversial this time. But of course, someone is going to be offended by something. Well apparently all the people on my floor [probably not all, just a few] were offended by my soapbox column.

In the column I talked about being clean in college and how people should respect their dorm mate’s living space. Well, the other people on my floor missed the whole point of the article and thought I was writing ABOUT them… this is what they wrote on my door last night:

“FUCK YOU BITCH” Signed 2nd Floor [C-Wing].

Under that note was the following:
“Stop acting like a little bitch! You Fucking girl, if you don’t like the 2 Floor C Wing leave we will like it a lot better bring it up in the floor meeting.”

Ok, first off, no I am not a little girl, thank you very much, and secondly, yes I am a Bitch, so they better watch out! j/k lol

I just think it’s so funny that they are getting all hot bothered about a little article, but I am happy though that they are reading the newspaper. I wonder what I could write for the next edition to REALLY piss them off. lol Nah, I wouldn’t do that…

I tell ya, you try to live your life a certain way and make no major mistakes, you do really well… but then, you make a BIG mistake and fuck everything up. That’s what I seem to do sometimes. I don’t care how careful I am, I always do something wrong. I can’t help it, it’s in my genes. But then again, I can’t be the one to blame for this one. Some people don’t know when to keep their mouths shut. When you tell them something it’s supposed to be just between the two of you and no one else. NO ONE ELSE. But then, some people just don’t know.

This has been a very tiring weekend. Friday night I was in the newspaper room until 1:45A.M., yes, 1:45 A.M. I hate that I always have to have things next to perfect! Then, I had to wake up Saturday morning to help give the SAT’s to little high school kids. I got paid for helping so that made it a little easier getting out of bed that morning. It was weird sitting there watching the kids take the SAT’s, just to think, I was sitting in that same position last year at this time taking the SAT’s hoping and praying I would get a good score so I could go to college. My biggest fear then was not being able to go to school. I’ve heard people say that no matter how stupid some can be, there will always be a college somewhere who would take that person in to their school. Well I was always afraid that I would be that one dumb ass person who doesn’t get into any school at all.

But back to my story, so I finished helping with the SAT stuff and came right back up to the newspaper room; I again ended up staying until something in the morning. But luckily, two of my staff members stayed with me to keep me company while I was working on the layout for the paper. I’ve learned to really like newspaper since I have been working on it this year. I thought it would be ok, but it’s been really cool.

Let’s see…. this past week nothing much happened, I have just been working on the newspaper the whole time. That seems to be taking up all of my time now.

But I am so excited for the Christmas break. I can’t wait to go home so I can sleep. I don’t really miss my stuff, I just miss being in my bed and being able to sleep in actual silence. Dorms are great and all, but there is rarely a time when I get to sleep in quietness. It seems as if someone is always up, no matter what the time, doing something stupid. I just love being on the baseball floor. [sarcasm]

Yeah, so I think I’m finally going to take that much needed nap. NOT! There is still lot’s of work to be done.

Go Me!


My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?

Here's something to think about...

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. ! At the e nd of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV ! (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....AMERICA.....

Were the drunks in high school right? Do I not know how to have fun? Am I really THAT boring?

Here it is, another weekend, and I’m sitting in the dorm lobby on the computer. Shit! But what makes this situation even sadder is that next semester, I will probably be doing this even during the week. Since Lisa and Gradia are leaving next semester, I’m not going to have anyone to hang out with or talk to. It just seems like everyone is having the time of their life right now.

Sometimes I wish we could control out emotions. We can’t REALLY stop being angry, we can just control what we do with our anger, or sadness. We can try to make it go away, but if it doesn’t go away, then what can we do? What if you like someone, or I should say, you think you like them, and you find out that the person is in a very loving relationship with a wonderful person… what can you do? Nothing. Just sit around and think about how much life sucks sometimes. Key word: Sometimes

I know that in life we have good times and bad times, even so, it’s still difficult to deal with the hard times. I wonder why I always feel like an outsider. Even during my senior year when I was having the time of my life, I still felt like an outsider. I wonder why that is? What makes me always think that I’m alone, even when I’m surrounded with people that love me? Sitting here right now I can’t think of a time when I have ever felt like part of the “group.” Family outings, prom homecoming groups, lunch tables, classes, anything, I never feel like I belong. This is something I need to explore and try and figure out…

Um, yay...

Massachusetts Court: State Wrong to Ban Gay Marriage

By Fred Barbash
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, November 18, 2003; 1:18 PM


Massachusetts' highest court today invalidated a state ban on same-sex marriages, ruling that the right to marry is "the right to marry the person of one's choice," regardless of gender.

It stopped short of immediately legalizing same-sex marriages, however, referring the issue to the Massachusetts legislature for action "appropriate" in light of the ruling.

By a 4-3 vote, the state's Supreme Judicial Court said Massachusetts was violating its state constitution by denying the "legal, financial and social benefits of marriage" to people of the same sex who wish to marry.

It rejected the state's chief argument in favor of the ban: that the purpose of marriage is "procreation." That, the court concluded, is largely a cover for "persistent prejudices" against homosexuals.

It then took the extraordinary step of redefining the common law definition of marriage in Massachusetts.

Marriage, under the law, is not merely a union between a man and a woman, the court said.

Rather, it is "the voluntary union of two persons as spouses, to the exclusion of all others."

It is a "civil right," Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall wrote for the court, guaranteed by the state constitution's commitment to "the dignity and equality of all individuals."

Marshall left no doubt that the court expected conformance by the legislature. The "marriage ban," she wrote for the court, "works a deep and scarring hardship . . . for no rational reason."

The legislature, however, is free to amend the state constitution to overrule today's decision. There was some speculation today that a battle over a state constitutional amendment would be the next step in the Massachusetts controversy.

The ruling is similar to a 1999 Vermont Supreme Court decision, which led to its legislature's approval in 2000 of civil unions that give couples many same benefits of marriage.

The Massachusetts decision went further, however, by adhering to the concept of "marriage" alone. Marriages are recognizable across state lines. Civil unions are not.

Courts in Hawaii and Alaska have previously ruled that the states did not have a right to deny marriage to gay couples, but those decisions were overturned by the adoption of state constitutional amendments.

Gary Buseck, executive director of Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, said the seven couples who sued the state seeking the right to marry were "ecstatic" over the decision, which he called "a flat out victory," the Associated Press reported.

Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, a Republican, criticized the court's decision and said he would support a state constitutional amendment.

Paul Martinek, editor of Lawyers Weekly USA, told the Associated Press that the ruling was "historic" even though it did not immediately legalize same-sex marriages.

"The court appeared to be on the verge of announcing that same sex couples have the right to same-sex marriage but they took a tiptoe back from the cliff and allowed the legislature to adopt something that is not marriage in name but in all other respects," Martinek said.

"This court is going one step further than Vermont. This court is saying marriage is required or the benefits of marriage are required. But they did put the ball back in the legislature's court," he said.

The Massachusetts court declined to order that marriage licenses be issued to the seven couples who brought the suit at issue today, choosing to let the legislature take action it considers "appropriate in light of this opinion."

Dissenting were Justices Francis X. Spina, Martha B. Sosman and Robert J. Cordy. They said the marriage laws were the province of the state legislature, not the court, which should not be substituting its judgment of that of popularly elected legislators.

All the couples who brought suit in April, 2001 had been together for long periods of time -- from 30 years to 7. The ranged in age from 60 to 35 and most had children. Included among the plaintiffs were an investment banker, an engineer, a business executive and a lawyer. All were denied marriage licenses.

The court said that "the benefits accessible only by way of a marriage license are enormous, touching nearly every aspect of life and death," including the ownership of property, the laws of inheritance, insurance coverage and especially, the "presumptions of legitimacy and parentage of children. . . . "

"Without the right to marry . . . one is excluded from the full range of human experience and denied full protection of the laws."

It rejected all of the state's stated rationales for such an exclusion, which included creating a "favorable setting for procreation" and "child-rearing." It concluded that the marriage restriction is really "rooted in persistent prejudices against persons who are (or who are believed to be) homosexual."

"It cannot be rational under our laws, and indeed it is not permitted, to penalize children by depriving them of State benefits because the State disapproves of their parents' sexual orientation."

When I like something, I like it. I like Britney Spears. Yes, I have admitted it, and you know what? I like Justin Timberlake, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, and all the other boy bands. I’m not ashamed any more. I know all the words to all their songs, when I’m in my room alone I sing them out loud and I dance to them. HA! How do you like them apples?!

Now you may be asking yourself why is Miguel telling us this, or where is he getting this boldness from to admit this. Well my friends, Ms. Spears has given me this boldness. Of course, only like I would do, I woke up this morning and went straight to K-Mart (it’s cheaper there) to buy her new CD, which came out today. Fuckin awesome. That’s what the CD is. If you didn’t like Britney in the past, well you’re going to like her. Yes, yes, it’s good.

Beware: Sappy entry!!!!!!! If you don’t want to hear someone complain how life has treated them, stop reading now, and come back tomorrow.

Friendship: Ok, now it’s my time. It’s Friday night, 12:17 A.M. and where am I am? I’m sitting in the lobby of my dorm on the computers working on an American Government project that’s due in two weeks. I opened up my AIM account, and of the 20 some odd people on my buddy list, only one was active, the rest were away, doing something, having fun, having a social life. I’ve fallen into the same trap that happened to me while I was at Roswell. Most of the people hear my school know who I am, no because I’m super cool person, just because I write for the paper and I wrote that oh so scandalous article last edition, so I was the talk of the school for a while. But I’ve fallen into that trap where many people know my name and know who I am; they say “hey,” “How are you?” And that’s it. That’s as far as they – and myself for that matter – are willing to take the beginnings of the friendship. I don’t understand why I don’t reach out to more people. It’s like I have this incredible knack for meeting lots of people and becoming their acquaintance, but I usually never let it go past that stage. I’ve probably let about three people in the “inner” Miguel side. But that was because they really wanted to see and kept pushing until I finally opened up.

Relationships: I’ve gone through so many stages on what I think a relationship should be and how I want that perfect relationship. Whatever I dream seems to never happen. And if it does, I somehow manage to fuck it up. (Corey) The whole situation with Corey and &^%$$#^ is screwed up. I had a really great thing going with Corey, I really do think it could have lasted for a while, if maybe even some years, but no, I had to screw it up. The second someone else comes along shows the slightest bit of a crush on me, I immediately jump ship and go to them. Why do I do that? I think it has something to do with this whole self-image problem. No matter how successful I become, I always see myself as they dumb black kid with a learning disorder. I can’t escape that mind frame. But right now I do feel lonely. I feel isolated. When ever I do go to hang out with someone from my school I feel like an outsider, like whatever I do or say there just going to look at me with crazy eyes and tell me to fuck off. There is this boy I saw at the UPS store. He is totally H.O.T.T. The first I saw him there I was dripping wet from the rain; I was dropping off a package or something. I could have SWORN that he gave me “the” look. So of course I just had to go back, a couple of days later I took Lisa to the store so she could mail off a package. Of course I went inside to see if he was there, he was. Lisa actually knew who he was, she introduced us. I didn’t really get any vibes that time. But I’m so confused now, I see him all the time on campus now, I don’t if I should approach him or just stay back and watch from a distance. (That’s kind of freaky) AH! I wish I could read minds! But other then that Miguel is S I N G L E.

School: Sometimes I feel like a super cool smart person who is well informed on the issues of today, and has something intelligent to add to conversations in class. But then sometimes I feel the dumb ass who can’t even add 2 + 2. I study, study, and study for Humanities, but I just can’t seem to make above a 79 on one the firggin tests. Everyone in the class thinks the tests are super easy, to me there hard as hell! Once again, AH!

**So I think that’ everything that I’m feeling right now, I hope so. I need to get back to homework that I want to get finished with so I can have the rest of the weekend to myself. Goodnight and everyone who’s out having fun, be safe, and have LOT’S of fun for me!

Um, yeah... this is a little scary, someone just sent me this e-mail:

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.

In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.) Remote controls in hotels are the worst! (Always carry your Lysol spray!)

An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!

Annually you will shake hands with 11 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

In a lifetime, 22 nosey workmen doing work in your home, will have examined the contents of your dirty laundry basket. We won't even go into guests snooping in your medicine cabinet.

At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. Mouth herpes.

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases.

YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY NOW !!!

~~Ewww

It’s been one of those nights. Shit I can’t remember the last time I was this angry. Ok, so it’s 2 something in the morning, I’m all nice and warm and SLEEP in my bed. I hear this loud banging out in the hallway, I don’t know what it is, but I turn back over and go to sleep. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! It sounds as if God himself is trying to break my door down. I immediately jump up, shit, I don’t have any clothes, so now I have to quickly put on a shirt and some shorts before I can go out in the hallway and raise some hell. [There is only one time I can ever remember being this mad, and that was way back in 7th grade] I was shaking with anger as I was trying to pull my shorts on. I looked through my desk drawer to get my citation slips, (it helps to be an RA in this type of situation); I opened up my door and looked in the hallway. No one, damn. So I walk around a corner hoping to catch one of the bastards so I can write them up. I turn back around and head back to my room. Wait, what’s that? Someone has their door open and their just standing there…oh yes… its time to let them have it.

“Why the FUCK are you all banging on my door at 2:00AM in the morning?” I yell. “Man, that wasn’t me, don’t come at me like that,” the baseball player yells back. “Well, when it’s 2:00AM in the freaking morning and someone’s banging on your door, your going to go after the first person you see.” I respond. There was some more yelling at that point, and of course being the pussy that I am, I apologized for yelling at the wrong person. Shit. I have got to have some more freaking backbone. But I can’t remember the last time I was this angry. I mean, my lip was trembling as I was yelling at him… But I have a plan to try and figure out who it was…I want to fine those idiots who was banging on my door. I don’t care if you’re loud in your own room at 2:00 in the morning, but when you start intruding on my sleep, then we have a major fucking problem.

Well, I guess we all know that deep down, I really am...gay.


Gay Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I was SUPER bored, and followed the lead of Mr. J.R., so, here's the quiz about me.

Take my Cool Quiz!

Awesome movie, everyone should see it: "Y tu mamá también." I'll give more details later, wayyy to late for me...

There’s this myth that says that when women are around each other for long periods of time, there menstrual cycles tend to become one. They all go through their bitch stages together, and their “painful” periods together (Sorry, don’t mean to talk about the girly stuff, just making a point). I think that a whole dorm, filled with both boys and girls can eventually be on the same cycle.

Now we all know that boys don’t have periods, [or do they?!] but I believe that there is usually a week or so every month that a boy goes though his grouchy, bitchy period. (or is it just me?) I think my whole dorm is going through this bitchy period right now. This weekend everyone seems to be in a bad mood. Everyone is snapping on each other for no reason. Some people just don’t want to talk to anyone; I don’t know what’s going on. It really sucks for me because I’m a really sensitive person, so when someone says something to me that isn’t the most positive, even if they don’t mean for it to hurt or not, it does, and I end up with my feelings hurt. I hope this bad mood that has descended upon the dorm passes soon.

I need my bible back. Not the Holy word of God, but the organizer that I had last year that kept my life together. It seems like I have so much to do but I just can’t get it all together. I was super busy last year; I always had something to do. There was never enough time to complete a project I was working on, but I some how got it all done. With my nifty calendar around, I was able to be the poster boy for time management. But now it feels like I just can’t get it all done. I need to make a calendar on my computer or something so I can start laying out my schedule and make sure everything gets done.

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE John Mayer? If I haven’t, let me tell you again, I LOVE John Mayer. I don’t know what it is about him, but his voice is just so soothing to me. I put his cd on and I’m in an awesome place….ahhh…I wish I could go to his concert this week!

Ok, is anyone else annoyed at the fact that they actually like Clay Aiken? I was so determined not to like him, his song, his “image”, anything about him… But listening to some his album in Wal-Mart the other day, I couldn’t help but to bop my head and stomp my foot. It was good, DAMN! What ever happened to Ruben?

Moving to more non interesting news, yesterday I held a sort of pizza party for the floors that I am the RA on. They just happen to be the two floors where all the baseball players reside, how fun. I ordered 20 pizzas for the boys, they hungrily ate them all up. They were actually thankful. I thought they were going to push me aside, take the pizzas, and call me a fag, but all went well.

I changed my major! I switched from Communications to Journalism. Yay for me, but not yay, I don’t want to become one of those people who changes their major ten times a year, and ends up in college for twenty years… I changed my major because when I transfer to UGA I want to be a Broadcast Journalism major, my advisor told me that it would be best for me to graduate with an Associates Degree in Journalism, it would be easier for my credits to transfer.

Classes for next semester:
M-W-F 8:00AM-8:50AM: World History (why do we STILL need to take this class?!)
T-Thr 8:00AM-9:15AM: Sociology
T-Thr 9:30AM-10:45AM: Public Speaking (This is going to be a fun class!)
M-W-F 9:00AM-9:50AM: Comp II
M-T-W-Thr 11:00-11:50AM: [Stupid People] Math

Its going to be a pain waking up early for an 8AM everyday, but I rather do that then have a class at 2PM, it sucks!


Yeah…

These are pictures from the Haunted House that I was involved in at my school. Yeah...

"Demons in Hell"


"Evil bloody lab"


"Me having my heart sucked out"


"The summoners aka the bomb ass designer [Tall, lanky, white kid, the one in the back standing up-Tyler]"

Fucked over. That’s what seems to always happen to me; I get fucked over by someone. Getting fucked over and making big mistakes seems to be a common occurrence in my life. God, I feel so angry right now. When it comes to relationships it seems like I can’t get it right.

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck , fuck, fuck. PEOPLE SUCK! SHIT! FUCK! BITCH! MOTHER $*$&. YEAH…. Anyway…

Does anyone want a copy of the first newspaper that I edited and did the layout for? If ya do, then leave a note on the Shout Out and I will e-mail you.

Another beautiful weekend has past. (Me trying to be happy) The weekend before last Caitlin invited me to go with her to see the RHS Musical, “The Music Man.” I quickly agreed. Any opportunity that I can get to get out of Douglas, I get out. Friday after my 11:00AM class, I hopped in my car and drove the four hours up to the ATL. The drive was wonderful, it gave me time to think and contemplate on my life, where I am, and what I’m doing. I still don’t have any answers. I got to RHS around 4:00PM. It was wonderful; I went and talked to Mr. Scott, Mr. Spraggins (should I insert a witty comment here? Hmmmm….) and Mrs. Johnston [Yearbook teacher]. They all asked me the usual questions: How’s college? Are your classes hard? Why are you so fat? Yep. I ran into Talia in the hallway. We decided to go and get dinner, we went to MOE’S!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM….. Do I need to say that again?…. Moe’s…MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM….It was SO good to finally eat something that wasn’t fried in pork lard!

The show was F*&^%N awesome! I was so proud of the chorus kids. It was like watching my own little kids up there on stage prancing around. They a lot of new guy members up on stage. Oh, I almost forgot about this. Seems like Spraggins has found another token black guy, but this one actually sings! After the show, like a dork, I went to the cast party. I know I know…Tanya and I were like the old college kids at the high school party….I felt like a lame when I first got there, but it was cool afterwards. It seems like I had more stimulating intelligent conversations with the high school peeps then I do with the college folks. It was awesome to be back in the company of good friends. I was actually being social! Talking to people, making bad jokes! AH! The fun times… After the party--which ended at 12:00, high school kids can’t stay out late—I went over to Caitlin’s, where I stayed the night. We talked, and then went to sleep. I left Sunday afternoon.

Being back in Atlanta (Roswell) made me think of all the good times that I actually had in high school. Don’t get me wrong, I DON’T want to go back, but, I appreciate what Roswell High School and Roswell the community did for me. Even though I have never lived in Roswell, I still feel apart of the community. I think I will forever (could be a good or bad thing) be linked to that place.

Moving on to all things South Georgia… yuk. I think the isolation that I feel like I’ve been given, is finally starting to get to me. I can’t really remember anytime in my life where I wasn’t liked by a lot of people. I know this may sound vain or whatever, but it feels weird to be the one that everyone talks about. Every time I walk into the lobby of the dorms I hear them whisper ‘faggot,’ ‘gay ass.’ (Wait…can someone tell me what a gay ass is? Is my ass gay?) But it seems like every since the article came out people have totally changed. The same people who used to smile and say hi to me around campus don’t even look my way now. Well, it’s their loss.

I’m hungry… are you? Hmmm…what do I want to eat?!? Maybe some Pizza Hut… or Wendy’s…

Have you ever fucked up? You know, made one of those BIG mistakes, but you thought it was smart at the time? Well that’s what I feel like I’ve done with a certain situation in my life. DMAN…well…I guess I have to remember that everything happens for a reason.

I had a really good talk with Mrs. Frier today. We talked about everything, life, people, stereotypes, how fucked up we all are. AH! MISTAKES! But yeah… today was a good day actually. When I woke up this morning, I was happy. I can’t remember me EVER being like that. I hopped out of the bed and started my day. It was weird. But it felt good. Yeah. Boring stuff here. Nothing interesting going on.

OH OH….I just forgot. I bought this book in Athens last week, “How I learned to Snap,” by Kirk Read. The book was A.W.E.S.O.M.E.! I went to the author’s web-site and e-mailed him telling him how much I enjoyed his book, yada yada…. Well, he e-mailed me right back and said that if I wanted to, I could interview him for my school's newspaper! I was elated! I’ve never had anyone famous e-mail me before. That was an exciting part of my day.

Do you ever feel ignored? You know, like when you and someone else are in the room and they don’t say a word to you. Well, they at least have the decency to say “Hey.” But they say nothing at all. BUT, they get on the phone and call people. Has that ever happened to you? Does it make you mad? It pisses me off. But of course I’m so passive aggressive I never say anything. Damn me being passive aggressive! Urgh!

Here's a quick rundown of my life for the last few days. (Not enough time to write full entry):

1) Went to Athens this weekend. LOVED IT! I’ve decided that’s where I want to go to school after hell (aka South Georgia)
2) The newspaper came out last week, with my gay article. Few people upset, but some people left nasty things on my dorm room door. (Bitches) =)
3) Life is GOOD, no matter WHAT!
4) I FINALLY got my John Mayer cd! (I’m going to marry him, you watch and see!)
5) I spent wayyyy to much money in Athens, but it was SO worth it!
6) Fuck you, and yo momma too!
7) I saw Caitlin! I love her!
8) I went to my first college party, F.U.N.

Ok, that’s all I can write right now, I’ll give a full rundown of what happened later on. But now, it’s off to English.

I think I just failed my Humanities test. I don't know, I was like the fifth person finished, but there were a few questions that I couldn't even guess. Gosh, I hope I at least get an 80 or higher!

How does one go about putting pictures on this wonderful site?

Oh my, isn’t it funny how music can alter moments? One minute you can feel like total shit, listen to a song, and feel like you could take on the world. I LOVE that. But then sometimes music can bring you down, way down to a very dark and depressing place. But right now, I’m happy. Well, maybe not bouncing off the walls, happy. I guess I should say I feel content. I’m not upset, I’m not hyper, I’m just content. I took my math mid-term this morning and tottaly kicked ass! There was only ONE question that I couldn’t figure out. Everything else was cake easy. (cake easy?) It felt so good to finally complete a math test in thirty minutes without having to ask questions or anything. Awesome!

Last night I worked out for forty-five minutes in the school’s weight room. GOD I felt so good afterwards. I went by myself because I knew if anyone would have come with me I wouldn’t have pushed myself. My chest felt like it was going to implode after the workout. I was drenched in sweat, and if anyone knows me, you know that I DON’T sweat. Last night I did. I feel good. I’m going to try and go at least three times week for an hour.

Thursday I got o Athens for the Theater Conference. I’m super excited to see what this Athens is all about. I get to see Caitlin and the other half of the class of 2003 from RHS. I have to get my oil checked in my car though. (Random thought of the day: Get my oil checked.)

bitch

I just got one of the nicest e-mails ever. I was almost-but not-in tears when I read this. (I'm WAYYY to emotional)

"Hey, your school address never reached me. It's all crunked up. Give it to me again so I can send junk to our real email address. If you'll allow me to, I'd like to pay you a huge compliment. I'm in a class called the Dean's Distinguished Lecture series, and basically what we do is listen to industry leaders talk about how to succeed in this industry. Every single person that has come through has said different things about success and the hospitality business, but they have all said a few things in common. One of those was that it's incredibly important to go into
business with someone you know is responsible and you know has a strong
work ethic. Every time I hear that I think: Miguel. Really, I admire your determination and drive. As I told my mother, in an age when you can't really trust anyone to do anything - let alone someone my age - you need to work with people you can trust. Thanks for being a good co-worker. Needless to say, I have a very high opinion of you. Besides the fact that you're......you know.....I mean I can't ignore the fact that you're...........well it's just that you're...........a bad dresser.
But a good fashion sense isn't necessarily a must in the business world. If
only you would shower every once and a while.... (There's more but it's not really important)

Ryan"

Ok, so I feel like total crap this morning. I don’t know why, but I do. I’m sitting in computer class right now. I forgot my friggin disk so I’ve just been sitting here for the past 25 minutes pretending that I’m doing I’m work. But yeah, I feel like crap, I look like crap, (I don’t smell like crap, and life sucks. It feels like I’m sucked into this vortex of endless bad days.

I brought my TV with me from back home this weekend; I thought maybe it would help me feel better if I had another form of entertainment. Last night I was watching the wonderful TV show, ‘The Real World: Paris.’ For those thirty minutes I don’t think I thought about any problem that I had, it wad pure MTV heaven. Then, after the show was over I left my room to answer nature’s calls. As soon as I walked out of my room and into the hallway, I saw one of the baseball players walking down the hallway and grabbing at his balls. That just brought me back down to reality and reminded me where I was. Good ole’ SGC. I know you all are probably tried of hearing about me complain about my school, but I can’t help it. I thought there was maybe going to be a way for me to get out of here by next year, but no such luck. I have deficiencies from high school (thanks RHS) that I have to make up; I can’t transfer unless I get all those classes done, plus the 32 hours it takes to transfer. So yeah, I’ll probably be here for the next two-years, and the summer.

But do you ever just wake up and feel like a big brown piece of crap? I did this morning. Even as I’m sitting here in Computer class trying to look like I’m working, I feel as if I just fell from some one’s butt cheeks into the toilet. How about THAT for imagery?!?

Ok, I’m done bitching. Have a wonderful day.

I’ve been SUPER busy these last few days. I’ve been stuck up in the newspaper room trying to get this newspaper finished and off to the press. I’m kind of nervous, a lot of people at my school-mainly teachers-are looking at the newspaper to see what I can do. Mrs. Frier, the advisor, has been hyping me and what the paper is supposed to look like up, I just hope I can deliver.

This weekend: wow. It was VERY interesting, to say the least. SO, Friday I left to go to Atlanta for a seminar about copy-editing and newspaper grammar. The seminar was very cool, and informative. I learned a lot about what I should be doing as Editor. The seminar was Saturday from 1:00PM till 4:00PM. Guardia, my friend from school, had come with me to Atlanta, so I had to pick her up after the seminar since I was going back to school right after the seminar. I asked her if she wanted to go to North Point, she said yes. I had a few dollars to spend so I figured I would buy a shirt or two. I ended up spending $79.00 at Express Men’s, which was well worth it. My clothes are awesome! But anyhow, Guardia and I were walking through the mall, and guess who I spot? Usher and Chili (from TLC)! I was freaking out and all excited that I actually had actually just spotted two famous people. The both of them went into Baby Gap, so of course I had to follow them in. (I’m not a stalker.) I conveniently had a piece of paper and pen in my pocket, I whipped the pen and paper out and politely asked Mr. Usher if he would give me high autograph. He gave me this funny look, took the pen and paper and scribbled crap on the paper. Not the word crap, but crap. You can even tell whose name it is, it looks like something I just scribbled down! That pissed me off so much. I wanted to get Chili’s autograph, but she was talking to a saleswoman. After that incident, I was very perturbed, so we left. We got on the high way and were about two hours into out trip when our next little adventure started.

It was dark outside, we were on 75 about two hours outside of Atlanta. I’m driving up beside this big caddie car. From behind and beside the car you can see that the owner of the car has a TV in the front of the car. The TV is on, and some show is on, so I think. As I drive up to pass the car, I look over at the TV screen and see a woman sucking on a man’s penis. PENIS. Yes, this man was watching a PORNO in his car. Eww. I told Guardia to look and see what I had just witnessed. I then slowed down so she could see this wonderful display of human emotion. She saw it and couldn’t believe it. By this time the man realized that we were looking in his car. He looked over at us and gave me this super creepy menacing look. That freaked me the hell out, so of course I did what every self respecting black person who doesn’t want to die at the beginning of the movie does. I put my foot on the gas and booked it! I got over to the far left lane. Graduia and I thought we were home free, we were wrong. She looked over and saw him driving right beside us! I wasn’t amused anymore; I was really freaked out by this point. I finally just pressed the gas all the way down and did at least 95 if not 100. I finally was able to weave my way away from the crazed porno man. But it’s not over yet.

So were about another hour into the trip, driving, singing Tina Turner and Chicago. BLUE LIGHTS-BLUE LIGHTS. Damn. The cops pull me over telling me that I was going like 15 over the speed limit. Since I was in the deep south by now, I made sure to smile extra hard and be polite, I didn’t want to become the next headline on the AJC about a hate crime. He helped me out and wrote on the ticket that I was just going 10 over, so that’s good.

That was my weekend: fun, exciting, and tiring… but there’s still a lot of work to be done.

I thought this was funny.

I scored a 54% on the "How Alpharetta are you?" Quizie! What about you?

Ok, so this is now the second time I’ve written an entry for today. I always type my entries in word so they get lost. But today, of course, as I was getting close to finishing my entry, the power went out in the school! SO, my whole little entry is blown away to no where land. Shit. But yes, let’s see…nothing major is happening to me right now. Other then being a total outsider here, but we don’t want to beat a dead horse that’s already been beaten. (what?) Tuesday at the annual newspaper meeting I led the meeting all by myself. Last week I led the meeting as the Editor, but the advisor was there. But this Tuesday she wasn’t there so it was all up too little ole’ me. I think that some people on the staff think I have no clue what I’m doing. And you know what, they are so on the mark. I have no freakin clue what I’m doing, but I’m doing my best. But next week I have to prepare more for the meeting so I at least know what I’m talking about.

Oh yes, so, that little diet thingy I wrote about two weeks ago, so isn’t working out. I’m finding that food is my comfort, and I need to be comforted (does that sound weird) a lot. So I need to find something to do. It’s so weird, just about every other day, around maybe 5:00 P.M., I’ll say to myself, “You know what, I really do hate this school, so you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to go and eat, that will cheer me up!” And after I go and STUFF my face, I feel awful. Yesterday, I went to Pizza Hut and ate at their all-you-can buffet. It was quite sad. I was sitting there, with a plate full of cheese pizza, bread sticks, and in hand my ‘Black Gay’ novel, “B-Blue Boys,” which is really good by the way. So yeah, that was fun…but this morning I felt like shit. That’s right SHIT. Like a big brown piece of shit. Fun. (smile)

Can someone PLEASE tell me why the little Shout Out comment boxes disappear sometimes?!?!

Who feels stupid? I do, I do. So today I had my American Government test, which totally sucked ass. I mean, I thought English and Government were the two subjects that I had a clue about. I guess not. The way Prof. Simms had the questions worded made me want to barf! I just, I was super confused, and so was the rest of the class. When we walked in she said, “The test is easy, it should only take you about twenty or twenty five minutes to finish.” HA! The first person who finished didn’t get up until the forty five mark! Liar! After the test I got a bit of good news. She handed back our quizzes from last week and I earned a 90! So that was fun. Oh yes, I think I forgot to put in here that I got a part in the fall production of, “The Laramie Project.” I have like eight parts; it’s going to be really fun, but super hard. I have a hell of a time memorizing lines, so we shall see how this plays out.

I just found this site on someone else's blog, I don't know what to think about it... http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

Out to lunch…

New look! I just spent three hours (i know, I'm just learning how to do all of this!) redoing the site and what not. I hope you all like. Whenever the Shout Out (guestbook) things starts working agian, leave a message and tell me what you think!

Well for once I have an entry where I’m not bitching about what someone has done to me at this [redneck, ghetto] school. (Couldn’t help myself) I’ve really got to stop complaining about these stupid people! OH OH OH…I forgot…the other day I was driving on one of the roads that takes you out of the campus, and guess what I see crossing the freaking road…CHICKENS!!!! I stopped the car, and laughed. Chickens, COCKS, I just, yeah… chickens…

Yesterday I held the first staff meeting of the newspaper as the Editor. I was SO nervous. I mean, I’ve been in plenty of meetings and held plenty of meetings, but most of the time I knew what I was talking about. The majority of the people on staff were either on their high school newspaper staff, or have been on staff with the college paper for a year. I felt like the little new kid who just comes in and tries to change everything. But they all seemed to like me and my ideas, so I thought that was cool. But in thinking about how I got the position of Editor, the conversation that I had several times with Mr. Scott, about myself, in high school came back to me: People don’t always have to be really smart to succeed, they just have to have a really hard work ethic. It’s so funny though, most of these people have like real experience writing articles and editorials, and yesterday I was like, “Um yeah, I was on the Yearbook staff in high school, so I can…write really boring captions!” But we shall see… hopefully I will bring some edge to the paper. Well as much edge as I have, but I think I have very much… I guess I’ll find out.

Off to lunch….

Ok, by the end of the semester, if the four baseball players who sit in their seats sleeping the whole class get a higher grade then me in Humanities, then I might just go and drown myself in Sprite [or Sierra Mist]. I will. I promise. (maybe not promise….) I don’t understand how people can just sit there and sleep the whole class period. I’m not talking about the sleeping where you have your head slightly bent down to look as if you’re reading, and every now and then you move around so the teacher thinks your enjoying the lecture or taking really good notes. No, these people don’t have ANY books, pens, pencils, anything on their desks. They have their baseball hats pulled over their heads, their legs up in the chair, head cocked to the side, and off to sleepy land. Four of them, in a row together; I don’t understand. I would be scared to do something like that. But I guess if you got it like it that, then why not.

I’m hungry. ~~you eat like my dog~~ Thanks Caitlin

It’s funny how some people are. How some people like to have all attention on them, no matter what the price, or who ends up being the bud of the joke.

Take for example tonight. Picture it: I’m getting out of my car in the parking lot, getting all of my stuff together to walk in to the dorm. The new gym is right beside the dormority; they both share the same parking lot. The group of “black” people come out of the gym. (I say “black” people because these are the African-American’s who believe that to be black you have to wear over seized t-shirts, have your pants hanging around your knees, and say words like, “Right thurr,” and “shauty.”) I’m walking with my happy self, smiling, just walking.

“Person with the backpack, Sedrick likes you!” I hear.
In my head, I think, Ok, I’m the only person walking with a backpack, hmmm, whatever.
“Look at the way that faggot walks.”
Ok, I think, Now I know there talking about me, there’s no one else around, shit!
So what do I do? I keep my little legs movin', I don’t even turn my head around. Maybe if I keep walking, don’t turn around, they won’t notice me and stop talking about me. No such luck, but, I finally reach the door to get inside the dorm, but not without hearing one more comment, “He wears them goddamn muscle shirts just like a fucking faggot.” Ok, first off, this little shirt is from Banana Republic [BITCH] secondly, this is NOT a muscle shirt, fucker! Anyway, I walk into the common room, and head straight for the C-Wing, where my lovely little piece of hell is located.

So, this is what I have to deal with. And you know what really sucks about the whole thing? I’m TOO damn passive aggressive! If I were at Roswell High, I would have whipped around, and given those bastards a real good tongue-lashing. [Not that type!] But here, I just can’t do it. AH! But I feel the anger simmering down their in the pit of my stomach, it’s building, oh yes it’s building, and one day I’m just going to lose it. Then they can really see what a gay person is like; see how bitchy we (not all) can get. Until then I channel my anger to the computer, for this blog, annnnd for the The South Georgian; that’s the school newspaper. I forgot to write in here that I am officially the Editor-in-Chief! Go me! So I have that as an outlet for my anger. But after that little incident, I came to my room, put on my Christina Aguilera cd and banged away at the computer keyboard. AH! The stupidity of people is just amazing. What really gets me is the fact that NONE of them have ever spoken a word to me. Gosh, if you’re going to talk about me, at least introduce yourself! Bitches!

After listening to number 20 (‘Keep on Singin My Song’) from Christina Aguilera’s latest cd, I felt a little better. I just LOVE that song! These lines just get me every time, “I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and nobody’s gonna bring me down today.” “I believe they can take anything from me but they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace from me…they can say all they wanna say about me, but I’m gonna carry on, I’mma keep on singin’ my song” YES girl! (Gay moment) I’mma gonna keep on singin my song and ain’t (yes, I just typed ain’t on purpose) NOBODY gonna take MY inner peace. Oh yes…..

A LOT happened this weekend. It was a good weekend. I had fun this weekend. I wish it were still this weekend. HA! I’m trying some new technique of writing that my English professor is trying to bang into our heads, I think it’s working, or not. Anyhow, I DID have a wonderful weekend. This was the weekend that I went to Atlanta and spent the whole time with Cory. I didn’t even go home. I got us a hotel and we there, did homework, hung out, talked. That’s it. Think what you want. I am not some cheap who would travel four hours to get sex, I’m a much deeper person then that. HA! No but really it was fun, it was good to know that we could spend 24 hours together and still get along, so that makes me happy. But once again, it was a VERY fun time. We talked, did stuff, talked, did stuff, worked on homework, did stuff, ate, did stuff, slept, did stuff, went home. Well it wasn’t that much, I do have my limits. But yay, Go CORY!

SOOO for some reason I have been on this UGA kick. For some reason it seems as if UGA is calling my name, but I’ve had my heart set on Emerson for the past two years. A lot of my teachers and friends here have been telling me that I shouldn’t have come to SGC, that I should have went to UGA. I went online and did some research on UGA and it seems like a really good school. And I don’t know if I want to continue being a Communications major or changing it to journalism. I wonder if I can do broadcast journalism, but if I do that then it might be hard for me to go for a Public Relations job if I have a Broadcast journalism degree, but that's if I decide to go that route. AH! So many choices. But I’m supposed to being going to UGA in October for this Theater Conference. It will be my first visit up to Athens, so I guess I shall see if I like it up there.

One more issue to deal with. My disorder. Well maybe not a disorder, more like an infatuation. My infatuation with food. I can’t stop freaking eating. I love food. If I could marry a freaking hamburger I would. I would dress it up in ketchup, mayo, and mustard, oh yes, and don’t forget the pickles. Put the burger in a nice dress, walk the yummy little piece of cow down the aisle, and go to TOWN with it that night on the honeymoon. But really, I wonder if maybe I do that problem with wanting to eat so much. I mean right now it’s 12:57 AM and I’m sitting here wondering if I should go to Mickey D’s (Is it me, or does it seems as if only black people refer to McDonald’s as Mickey D’s?) But right here, in my cell room at South Georgia College I make a pledge to:

1) Not eat after 6:00 P.M.
2) Not eat more then three hamburgers a week.
3) TRY to at least eat one vegetable a day.
4) Start off drinking one bottle of water a day, and progress every two weeks to another bottle of water.
5) STAY AWAY FROM CHOCLATE CHIP COOKIES (But I just have to have more from the café, and that’s it!)
6) ONLY eat three meals a day.
7) No SNACKS!
8) Umm…I can’t think of anything else, I guess that’s it.

No this isn’t a let’s lose weight thing (who am I kidding, of course it is!), it’s a let me be more healthy so I can walk up the one flight of stairs to my room and not be out breathe thing. SO…I start tomorrow…. after my chocolate chip cookie tomorrow morning!

I have nothing in particular to write about, but I just felt like typing. Hmmm….let’s see. I’m really bored right now... I’m sitting in the Student Activities office at my computer doing nothing. This is like my hang out place. I don’t really like hanging out in the dorms, so I come here. I might be coming home this weekend. But it all depends on what happens with Cory. I hope I do get to go; it will be like a mini-vacation before things start to get crazy here at school. Were having auditions for “The Laramie Project: A Play,” next Monday and Tuesday. I’m not sure if I want to audition yet. I have a lot on my plate and that would just add a whole lot to it, but I would just love to get a part and be able to perform in such a wonderful play.

It’s really cool to finally be 18 and be able to do what ever you want. Well some whatever. But it’s cool to know that I COULD do whatever I wanted. I’m usually in bed by 11:30 or 12:00, I just don’t see the excitement in staying up until 2:00 A.M. and then having to wake up at 7:30 for an 8:00 Class. Everyone’s different I guess. Well it seems as if I have rambled on enough.

I just don’t understand the stupidity of some people, or I guess I should say the ignorance of people. …. I think I’m sacred. I’ve never been sacred for my safety when it comes to being gay. I’ve always held on to this belief that God would always come through for me, I still believe that, I’m just afraid of the evil in some people.

I moved into the C-Wing Saturday night; I moved over here because I’m the new RA for the 2nd floor C-Wing so it requires me to live here on the wing. [Side note: C-Wing 3rd & 2nd floor is the whole baseball team] Sunday a bunch of the baseball players knocked on my door and asked who I was and what I was doing here, but they way they asked it wasn’t mean or anything, I thought they were genuinely being nice by asking who I was. One of the players asked if I smoked, I said, “No.” Another asked if I drank, again, I said, “No.” In a collective sigh they all said, “damn!” I laughed, and then said, “I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I’m here for a reason, so if I see you doing something like that, then I have no choice but to report you.” They then looked at me in frustration and of course vocalized their “damns” and “shits.” Someone reached around to their back pocket and pulled out a wad of cash as to infer that I take the money to be quiet about their illegal activities, I simply laughed and shook my head. They all then dispersed to their rooms. I didn’t think anything of the what had transpired, I thought my first “meeting” was a success... I guess I was wrong.

When you come from outside into the dorms you have to walk through the common room to get to your wing. I’m in the C-Wing so I have to walk across the other side of the common room. As I was reaching the C-Wing door I heard someone make a funny, flamboyant, feminine voice and say, “I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I’m here for a reason…” I walked inside the C-Wing door and stopped to listen, they couldn’t see me, even if they had, I don’t think they would have cared if I had heard them. But I THINK, I heard them say something to the effect of faggot and that they were going to try and pull a prank…I’m not sure, but that’s what I THINK I heard at the end. I hate when that happens, I get so upset I can’t really think and remember situations. I came to my room and just sat on my bed.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give in and go to another school because of the bad stuff that’s happened to me here so far. I mean it’s only been a few incidents but I’m not used to this, I’m used to everyone liking me and not giving a rat’s ass about my sexual orientation. I know my mom would be more then happy to come and get me, but I just can’t do that. If I decided to move, that would be kind of like a message to all the hick ghetto folk here that gays are weak and can’t take the heat. I don’t want to send that message; suppose someone comes here next semester after I’ve packed up my shit and hit the highway and they start to mercilessly tease that person because of their sexual orientation. I just simply can’t let that happen.

This is what I think. I think God let me have a very easy time with the whole coming out process to prepare me for this. I felt an overwhelming sense of acceptance from everyone in my high school, I felt so loved. I think I have to tap into that feeling of love in order to get through all the shit I think I might have to endure while I’m here. It’s going to be tuff, but I pray that God sees me through this safely. I pray that he teaches these people acceptance and love, I pray that he gives me an inner peace to be able to deal with all the crazy crap I might be store for. I just pray that God stays with me.

***After thought [a couple of hours later] Right now I’m feeling a sense of empowerment. You know, it doesn’t matter if I have to fight this battle alone, after everything is said and done I will have the satisfaction that I can overcome anything. This is just another chapter in my life where I’m going to trample over adversity. Fuck these country ass rednecks. I came here to get my education and transfer to Emerson College, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to use every avenue possible to make sure that my stay here at South Georgia College is enjoyable (and maybe teach these people about tolerance). NO ONE, I mean NO ONE is going to run Miguel F. Fuller from anywhere. I’ve survived through hell twice, I can do it again. Hell fuckin YES!

The past few days have been cool...nothing much to report. Today I worked with Phillip and everyone to start the Haunted House. It's in an old dorm... it's really scary; I know it's going to be really fun when it's all done. Tonight I moved over to the C-Wing, to the none black wing. I swear, I think the B-Wing 1st floor is ALL black people....I've asked the RM if they did that on purpose and he swears that it just happened like that..hmmm... well it doesn't matter, I'm not there anyway...I think next week I start my duties as RA....awesome..I thought that we only got paid $250 a semester (sp?), but it's actually $250 a month, it's not a lot for a month, but for just having to walk around and write people up, which I will (MUHAHAHA), I think that's damn good. Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory...that's how my brain works now...that's all I think about now...I'm so excited for us...YAY! Oh, I had my first two college quizzes last week..one in Political Science and one in English, or I should say Composition 1102…. it’s really ironic how in high school I thought I was the shit in English, I get here and it feels like I’ve only had English lessons in Elementary school and just stopped there! But it’s cool…I’ll find out next week how I did on the quizzes… But yeah....I'm in Tyler's room and he's looking at me like, "Get the F%$# out my room!" So I think I'll end it here.... I'm really tired too....

Well things have gotten A LOT better since yesterday. I just LOVE how life can bring so many different ups and downs! Well, like I mentioned in my last post, Cory and I got together this weekend. I’m SUPER excited about us being together. It feels so right when the two of us are together. When we were just riding around with each other Sunday night, we both agreed that it seems like we’ve known each other for years…aww it’s so awesome. I already miss him! I can’t wait to see him again!

So yesterday I got that nasty note that just set me off and made my day horrible, but it got better! Last night I found out that one of the RA’s got fired because he was drinking with the some of the soccer players (dumbass). So there was a vacancy for that job…well of course knowing me and how I just LOVE to swoop in and take over, I talked to our Resident Manager and asked him what the laws are about incoming Freshman being RA’s, he says he doesn’t really care what they are. He thinks I’m a pretty nice guy and could do a good job, so, I’m the new RA for the C Wing! AWESOME! That’s a PAYING job also, SO not only am I getting paid for being an RA, I’m also getting paid to be the Graphics Director…. To just make the day even better, we had out first newspaper meeting today. The adviser lady is really cool and sweet. She appointed me and my friend Tyler as the Layout Editor’s; she said we could do anything with the layout of the paper! THEN, she said that there might be a chance that I could be Editor –In-Chief- this semester! ME, FRESHMAN, MIGUEL, EDITIOR!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! PLEASE keep your fingers crossed! She liked my writing’s that I showed her, so that’s a plus. And she’s also going to let me have my own column, “Miguel’s Soapbox.” HELL YES!!! AND, to just put the cherry on top, Phillip, the Activities Director, told me today that the play I suggested South Georgia do this fall, “Laramie Project: A Play,” is going go on. We are actually going to be doing that play this fall! OH FREAKIN YEAH!!!! I’m SO excited right now! Now I just have to make sure I keep my grades up! Emerson College is just going to eat my resume up, I HOPE! lol

You know what would make this day PERFECT?!??! If I could talk to CORY!!!!!!!! I miss him!

Why? Why are some people small-minded? Or better yet, what makes people do stupid ass things? I’m just really curious as to why. I’ve been gone this whole weekend. I went back to Atlanta for Labor Day weekend. It was wonderful. I got to see my family one more time, I got to listen to Q100 for one more time, and I got’s me a boyfriend! YAY for me. Cory and I made it official, that were exclusive September 1st. On the way back to school Lisa and had so much fun laughing and talking. I couldn’t feel any better, but of course something has to bring it all crashing down. As I open my door to come into my room with an armload of stuff, I notice a piece of paper on the floor. I get excited; maybe it’s my first piece of mail! I bend down; pick up the note, which is on a white sheet of paper and it’s in computer writing, and it reads. “We Love Dick If Interested See Room 104 in B Wing. Ask for Kinyata!” What the motherfuckin hell! I am SOOO pissed right now. This small motherfuckin minded pricks! But you know what, if they want to battle with me, let them bring it on. I’m ready for anything they can dish out; I just hope they can take it all back! Stupid ignorant fools! But I don’t care, I’m too tired to even sit and think about these little games they want to play….

BITCH!!!! How the fuck can this little skinny ass white boy laugh at me! Ok, now let’s look and examine the situation at hand. Your white, skinny, white, silent, and ugly looking. How the HELL can you laugh at me when your little skinny white ass is hanging out with some [big] black thugs! How the HELL does that look? What NOW bitch! Ok, I need to calm down …. This school has its good and bad qualities, and sometimes the bad qualities out weigh the good. The teachers have been awesome, they seem like they really want to help, but you have these people here, students, who act like there still stuck in high school! Oh My Goodness, it’s like, come on now…are we here to sit around and talk about people, or to get an education?! GET A LIFE!!!! But anyway… other then little prick people acting stupid, everything is wonderful. My math class is great. The teacher really wants to see us do well. He is basing 10% of our grade on out Notebooks! OH MY GOD!!! I had an orgasmic flow go through me when he said that! I thought me getting points for my neatness was over, but I guess it continues here in two-year school. lol My friend Lisa said one comment that basically summed up the way people view school here….”Every one that’s walking around going to class here at South Georgia College is here because of some mishap in high school…or in life, because of that, most of the people treat it like 13th grade instead of college.” She is SO right. It’s not your typical open-minds type place. Douglas, Georgia + Small Town= Small Minds.

**I wrote this Monday night, August 25th, 2003 @ 11:03 P.M.**
It’s funny how little things in life can set you off and PISS you off. That’s what I’m feeling right now. A little pissed off…it’s probably nothing, but it really got to me. When I first got here and was talking with one of my older friends here Lisa. She told me, don’t stay in the common room too late, people start hanging out and talking about other people. You don’t want to be caught up in that drama. Sure enough, who got caught up in it? Tonight, I was just walking across the room to go use the phone. All of a sudden I hear these giggles…I ignore them, giggles are a common thing you will hear in a college common room… but as I’m walking away I look into the window that I’m walking towards, and through the reflection I see most of them that are sitting on the couch looking at me and laughing. WHAT THE FUCK?! My whole little rant is this, why and the hell are you going to sit and laugh at someone who has done NOTHING to you?! I mean, have I uttered a bad word, or given anyone a dirty look? NO! Sometimes it just makes me so sad to see how black people treat each other. It’s like, were all black, were all going through the same struggle, can we not just get along with each other? I guess not. Some people feel that the only way they can have fun is to smoke weed or laugh at other people. But you know what? Who gives a fuck who they laugh at! I’m here to get my fucking education! My Damn DEGREE! They can kiss my wonderful brown black ass!

Does anyone read this? If so, please leave a shout out....I feel lonely here in Blog Town.

Okayyy, so my first day in college. Well it was a bit low key from what I was expecting. I hope my first day is not foreshadowing what’s going to be the norm for me. SO, here’s what happened to me today. Got to the college around 2 PM. My mother and I moved all my boxes into the dorm. (Side note: my roommate didn’t move in today, so I have an empty room.) I really do have probably way more then I need. But I see it like this, everyone has to go through some type of freshman rituals, and mine seemed to be over packing. **Let’s hope I can avoid the Freshman 15!** after we finally finish lugging all my boxes and crap into the room, my Grandmother, Mother, and I head to the all-you-can-eat buffet! Oh yeah, only the classy for us! We eat, talk, laugh, and have fun. They bring me back to the school and we say our goodbyes. I walk back to an empty room, just my stuff looking at me. Fun. I prop my door open in hopes of someone coming to talk to me. Of course no one does. I then start putting my computer up and organizing my desk. After I’ve finished that arduous task, I climb into my bed just to see what it feels like. Next thing I know I wake up and it’s like three hours later! I was really tired. I go into the common room and get on the computer to check my e-mail and what not. This girl who’s sitting next to me starts talking to me and we have a cool conversation. SO basically, for the next two hours I stay in he common room on the computer watching TV, talking to a few people. It’s 11:00 so I call it an evening and head back to my room. I’m sitting in my room reading and I decided that I wanted my Jack Johnson cd, which is in my car (I LOVE saying that, MY car!). I walk out, and go through the common room. I SWEAR I think I saw a keg sitting somewhere against the wall! I don’t know…am I just stupid…do other things come in Kegs? Like Sprite or something?!? People are drinking and sitting around, not my scene. Oh God, did I do the right thing? Hopefully some more people will come tomorrow who I can talk to!

I just got here like three hours ago. Um, it's a little different. We had like three days where we could move in and it looks like no one moved in today except for me and all the upper classman. I feel kind of, I don't know. I started to put my room together and thought I would take a break to e-mail some folks. I got my car yesterday, it's a 2001 Mitsubushi (I can't spell it!) Mirage! It's cherry red. It's SO awesome! I am SO thankful to God for all that he has done for me! Well, I've been alsleep in my room for the past three hours. I haven't done much socialing (sp?), but there's always tomorrow. We don't have net connection in our rooms, we have to use the computers in the common room, but they have NO AIM!!!! OH MY GOD!!! That's all I've done this summer! Well, I guess it's good, it forces me to go outside my room and meet new people. My roomate didn't come today so hopefully I'll meet them tomorrow. I feel like an outsider, me with my big afro and proper accent!! While I was moving in today, all I kept thinking about was, 'Did I make the right decision?' 'Am I doing the right thing?' I hope so. Well I wonder when he gay question will come up?
Well I'm going to go and TRY and meet some new people!

Sooo I’ve tired to refrain from writing about Cory, but I can’t anymore! I wish I were talking to him right now! Ugh! I wish we both had cell phones! He came to see me at work today, it was so cool! We have a lot in common and our conversations are easy and flow well. There aren’t any awkward pauses or anything. He’s so cool…but I’m trying to not get my hopes up. I don’t want to get hurt again. Some even more good news, I bought a car today! YAY! I can drive around now! I’m SO excited! I get it Wednesday! YAY for me! But yeah, I’m really happy and I hope I get to talk to Cory tonight.

Well just when life seemed like it couldn't suck anymore, it takes it big wet mouth full of nails and puts it on my head...no silly, not that head...THAT head...yes, er...so any who... So I'm sitting here at my computer, again and I look at the clock, it's reads: 1:21 A.M. How fun. Me sitting at my computer once again... But yeah, I leave next week...how exciting. I'm feeling so many things right now...one would probably have to be frustration...I don't just don't feel like typing out exactly why I feel the way I do, but here's a little list of things that frustrate me right now: people who are confusing, me getting mixed signals, me reading too much into things, being alone, feeling ugly, being ugly, feel stupid, feeling worthless, having a some what crappy childhood, having a sometimes crappy mother, being poor, liking people who will never like me, going to a two-year school, being gay, being black, being black and gay, people at my church who won't understand me, money, people, and once again, just to get my point across, people.

It feels so werid to think that everyone is moving on to the next level in their lives. Most of the people who are going o UGA left today. I feel like I'm just stuck until next week. But it's cool, I have some time to just get myself to together. I haven't even started packing. I don't know what to take! I have so much crap, I have no idea what I'm supossed to pack! But it's cool.

I’m so tired right now. You would think that working at Barnes & Noble wouldn’t be that physically demanding…HA! I’m so exhausted right now! After I finish typing this I’m heading RIGHT to the bed. Well, by this time next week, or I should say by next Tuesday I should be in new car! YAY! God is giving me a break and giving me what I want! I’m so excited! It’s a 2001 Mirage…oh I can’t wait to get in it and drive around…only a week! I talked to my Uncle (the one with LOT’S of money and he agreed to move me into school next week. I’m so really excited about that. August 21st, 2003 I will be moving into South Georgia College! YAY for me! There’s some other stuff going on, but I’m just wayyy to tired to type it out. I’ll save it for tomorrow.

I hate people. I try to be happy, but it doesn't work. I feel like shit. Ah....I just...I don't know... Everything can be so good at one moment and then the next it feels like everything is shit.

Ya know, there are a lot of things in this world that I will just never understand. For one, why does it seem like that most of the time black guys are attracted to white guys, but the white guys usually are not interested in the black guys? I don’t know, in just talking with some African-American gay males and reading up on it, this just seems to be the norm all over the place. My question is this, why is that? Why does it seem like the majority of the black guys are attracted to white guys, and why aren’t the white guys attracted to the black guys? Hmmm…I have no clue. Well, I can speculate, but it’s probably way off base.

Ya know, there’s something else that bothers me. Pretty people. I’m so tired of seeing these cute people all over the Internet and TV. They’re the reason why so many people starve themselves and never feel like they have any self worth. But not really, it’s not the pretty people’s fault, they can’t help it. I guess I’m just jealous!

There are a few issues that I want to star writing about in here to see what they look like on paper, or I should say on the screen…

The funeral: Well that was quite an ordeal. I don’t want to really talk about it a lot, but I can say that Mrs. Kay died for a reason. It sucks a lot that she had to go, but there’s a reason why; hopefully I’ll get to see her in heaven one day and I pray that she knew that I loved her.

It’s time for me to hit the sack.

So um yeah, the funeral is tomorrow. I don’t really know what to think. This will be my first funeral. I don’t know what to wear or how to act. Do I wear all black? Do I act super sad? Do I smile? Do I say I’m sorry to Mrs. Kaye’s husband? Well I guess I’ll find out what to do tomorrow.

On a brighter note here are a few dates that are very important to me: August 22nd, 2003. My 18th Birthday! YAY! I can buy porn and cigs! But too bad I won’t buy either, and I probably won’t stay out past midnight since I can. Part of the reason why I won’t be staying out late and buying sinful products is because I will be in college on campus then. I move in on the 21st so I’ll be in school. SO yeah, I’m going to spend my 18th birthday in college and not knowing anyone. Sounds like fun? I guess. Well I’m tired and have to try to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow.

Goodnight.

This is how bored I've gotten, I've posted my picture on "Hot or Not." Hmmm... I wonder how it will go over with the people who see it. I'm a little sacred! Well, I'll see. But if you like to vote, here's the link: Am I Hot or Not?

Tragedy. You never when it’s going to hit, or whom it’s going to hit.

Today I went into work, got off at 2. Went to pick up my friend Stephanie so we could go shopping for school. I got everything I needed. We had fun laughing about old times and such. I got home to show my Grandmother what all I had bought. I spent a total of $172.20 today. I was proud that I was able to get so much and still be under budget. My Grandmother, Stephanie, my grandmother’s friend, Ms. Weston, and myself were just sitting around talking about college. The phone rang. My Grandmother picked it up, so Stephanie and I went into my room so I could her show her this year’s yearbook. I walk back into the living room and my Grandmother is sitting on the couch with this sad faraway look in her eyes as she’s talking on the phone. It doesn’t really register in my brain yet. I look over at Ms. Weston who’s sitting next to my Grandmother on the couch, and she mouths something to me. I can’t understand what she’s saying; I move closer, I still can’t understand what she’s saying. She speaks up and says, “Stella passed away.” I look at her in confusion and ask, “Mrs. Kaye?” She slowly nods her head, yes. Shock. Terror. Heartbreak. Disbelief. Sadness … all this ran through my mind in the ten seconds that it took for me to turn around and walk back into my room. I couldn’t, well I can’t believe it. My Godmother, Mrs. Kaye, is gone. I won’t hear any more stories about how when I was a baby she would have to wear a raincoat when picking me up because I would spit upon her. At my daycare, she was the only person who could put me to sleep. Or when my mother was labor and she screamed that she wanted a hamburger and Mrs. Kaye ran downstairs to the McDonald’s and bought her a hamburger and my Mother had only taken one bite and said she was done. I was born shortly after. No more stories. No more smiles. No more calls. How could this happen? What do I do? Do I smile? Do I cry? Do I think? I just don’t know. This is the first time anyone near me has died. She was just in the hospital to do some checkups or something.

Life’s a bitch, but you have to take it by the balls and take control. Live life. LAUGH! No more petty crap. Live life.

I Love you Mrs. Kaye. I want to hear that story one more time.

FUCK FUCK FUCK…. ONCE AGAIN I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE AND IT DOESN’T WORK!!! It hurts, rejection. Do you know that feeling? The numbness inside, that dizzy feeling, it’s as if someone has clubbed you in the back of the head. Tears form, but don’t come out…do you know that feeling? Well I do, and you know what? It sucks fucking ass.

Here’s what was just said: yeah...well...the thing is...I really really like you...and think you are a great person and we have SOO much in common that it scares me....but i feel that we could only be friends for each other...nothing more...i know you at least KINDA feel the same way....i just really feel that we would be better friends for each other than anything else...i hope this isnt all kindsa sudden and stuff....and i REALLY hope we can remain friends and hopefully in the future maintain that friendship...

The paragraph that killed it all. Brandon just wrote that to me. Don’t you just love the world and how it just screws you right up the ass? Oh, it’s just so FUCKING fun! Can anything go right in my life? Can it? I just don’t even have energy to even be pissed. Why should I? I mean, why in the world would someone want me? Now, let’s think about it ... what could I possibly offer to someone? Am I smart? No. Do I look good? No. Do I have money? No. Am I good at anything? No. Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the reasons why Miguel will forever be alone with himself. Oh, and let’s not forget the loads of self pity Miguel sprays over the place. But yeah, life is good, life is fun, gotta love it!

FUCK IT!

Yesterday (Thursday) when I went into work (Barnes & Noble), everyone knew something was wrong with me. As I walked into the door, a co-worker stopped me, looked into my eyes and asked me if I was ok. I politely answered “ok” and continued my walk back to the break room to drop my bags before I went to clock in. Someone else stopped me in the break room to ask if I was ok. By this time, I had to ask myself I was ok. I thought I was. Nothing had happened to make me go into one of my pensive non-talkative moods. Or had it?

Later on after I had clocked in I was in the counting room and the Cassandra turned and asked me if I was ok. I asked her what made her think something was wrong with me. She then started to say that it looked like I was thinking about something deep and that it must be worrying me. I didn’t know of anything at the time. As we walked up to the front of the store, she stopped me and asked, “So what’s the guy’s name?” Indicating that it must be a guy that had me all sad and what not. No guy had me upset, I was thinking and didn’t know it. As I was up in the cashier place thinking about what could make me look so sad… and I figured it out.

The past two days I have been back and forth between work and Ryan’s house. Going to his house, talking to him and our friends reminded me how little I had. But as I type this I think there’s more to issue. To just simply suggest that I’m jealous or bitter over what they have would be just hitting the surface of the issues. Going to Ryan’s birthday dinner and seeing him receive love and acceptance from his family was kind of a wake up to me. His father, mother, and brother seemed so happy to be celebrating his birthday. When he got home he cards waiting in the mailbox from family members that live in other states. By the next day he told his mother that his 18th birthday was his best. His best. His best. His best.

Now, let’s rewind to my 17th birthday last year.


Exactly, there’s nothing to write about. Nothing happened, no one said Happy Birthday, no one sent any cards, no one called, no one e-mailed, no one anything. Now, this isn’t the only time this has happened. When it comes to situations and me where family is involved, I’m usually left out. Let’s go through the list of the actives that I did and who from my family came to see me: ‘Goys & Dolls’ None came. The hundred chorus concerts we did, none came. ‘The World We live in” (a play) no one came. I can’t think of anything else, but do you see what I mean. Oh wait, I forgot, Graduation…. only half of them came. Hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself here, I need to take some of the blame ... I didn’t tell them when I had plays, musicals, concerts, and whatever going on. But wait, did they call to even check with me. No. It just hurts to see that some people get so much love and support from their families. I mean, the real, I LOVE YOU no matter WHAT type love. The I WILL BE THERE FOR ANYTIHNG, or the CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING type LOVE, the LET ME JUST GIVE YOU A CALL TO SEE HOW YOUR DOING type LOVE. I never had that, and sometimes it feel like I never will. Sometimes it just feels as if I’m here to make people laugh, (sometimes) and that’s it. Sometimes it feel’s like I’m incapable to love or to be loved. There’s just this sadness inside that I don’t know about, but comes out everyone now and then to show it self.

I just don’t think there are words to describe how I’m feeling right now. I want to cry, but can’t. I can’t cry. Sometimes I wish I could, so I could just let everything out.

I’m just so tired…

The past two nights I have stayed at Ryan’s house. We wanted to hang out before we went to school. Well yesterday (7/30/03) was Ryan’s 18th birthday. He had a little dinner some friends, his parents, and brother. That was really cool. The food was really fancy, but I actually liked it! So afterwards we went to Ryan’s Club house for the weekly game of poker that him and some friend’s play. I didn’t play because I didn’t want to get my ass kicked! So I just sat there and watched them play. It was boring, but it also wasn’t the most exciting thing I’ve done! But before we drove up to the club house, Ryan warned me that his friend Fred was going to be REALLY hot! (What’s funny about this is Ryan isn’t guy, but he comments on guys, its cool though. lol) OH MY GOD, he was. I don’t even know how to describe it, he’s so hot that he makes you want to go and slap your mama! But he’s SO not gay, but it was cool just to look. But yeah, they just sat around, played poker and smoked cigars. I didn’t smoke; I just can’t bring myself to do stuff like that. But after they finished playing poker, a lot of people left and only Fred (the hot one!), Linc, and Michael stayed. Fred and Michael got into the pool and the three of us just around and started to talk. They were talking man “dirty” talk. About how they do it, where they’ve done, and all that good stuff. Of course I didn’t tell any of my stories; they probably really wouldn’t want to hear it. So we just went home and went to sleep. So it was a fun day. But I feel bad; I haven’t talked to Brandon in two days. He ran through my mind a lot these past few days. I need to e-mail him and make sure he knows that I’ve just been at someone’s house, not avoiding him. I really hope this turns into something, but then I’m scared since I leave for school in a few weeks. But who knows what life will bring me!

SO.... I went out on another date with Brandon yesterday (Sunday). This was just as cool...not as "movie" like as the last one, but just as cool and informative. So we decided for a more simple date this time...we were just going to do dinner and a movie. I went to his to pick him. I walked up to his front door and rung the doorbell. The first thing I see is his mother's head pop up in the window of the door. A little shocked, and sacred, I simply did a little shy nod. (Side note: I've never met anyone in his family AND his mother doesn't know he's gay) I walk inside and his mothers standing there along side his sister. He's standing in the room looking like he just wants to rush out the house. So his mom asks me where I'm from and jokes around saying she just wants to know who her son is hanging out with...I try my best to turn on my parent charm...I think it works! So we leave and go to the movie theatre. Oh yeah, since I work at Barnes & Noble I have a nice little employee discount, so I thought it would be cool to buy Brandon "A Density of Souls" by Christopher Rice, so I gave that too him in the car. It was wrapped with a card and everything. He really liked it ... he even said that I would get a hug for it! I got so excited by that! (You can tell it doesn't take much to make me happy!) We then went to the movie theater to see what time the movie was going to be playing. I then drove us to one of my best friend’s job so Brandon could meet Jenifer, and so I could say hi to her. They both seemed to like each other. I was very pleased with that! We then went to ‘Moe’s Southwestern Grill’ and had dinner. Conversation was light, but fun. Then it came time for the movie, we saw ‘Bad Boys 2.’ The movie was SOO funny! But, I couldn’t focus all my attention to Will Smith and Martin Lawrence; I was busy thinking about Brandon. I didn’t know if I was supposed to hold his hand or put my arm around him! I felt like one of those kids on a TV show whose on his first date and doesn’t know where they should put their arm around the girl. But in the end I didn’t… But we left and I drove him home. On the way driving him home we talked a bit but we both were kind of in a pensive mood, just sitting listening to the music and thinking. When I drove up to his house, I got my hug (YESSSSSS!) and he told me to call him when I got home. So I got home, called him, and we talked for about three hours. Very good conversation. I learned a lot of valuable information about him and his personality. His personal creed is, “Don’t Dig too deep … just let it flow.” SO I have to just let it flow, which is going to be hard since I like him so much. One thing that I’m scared about is my getting attached too fast and it not being returned. I just HAVE to take my time.

Yesterday I finally bought the Christina Aguilera cd. Wow. Wow. Wow. This cd is so awesome. It has so much pain, happiness, and just about any other emotion you can think of in it. The last song, “Keep on Singin My Song,” is the like the new theme for my life:

“I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody’s gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothing’s been going my way lately
But I decided right here, right now, that my outlook’s gonna change
That’s why I’m gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I’ve cried every time somebody hurt my pride
Feelin like they won’t let me live life, and take the time to look at what is mine…..

That’s just the beginning, the whole song is just so wonderful; it makes you want to go out and fight the good fight, change your life for the better, save the rain forest, run for President, fight an army, fall in Love. It’s just THAT good!

Ok, now that I’m done worshiping Christina, let me explain what happened yesterday. Brandon and Miguel’s day. Well I went to the College Park train station to pick him up. He lives in Decatur, both we both agreed that we wanted to drive up to Lenox together. So I picked him up around 1:35. It was out first meeting in person so we were both a little shy at first. We got in the car and went off to Lenox. Our conversation was good on the way up to Lenox, it was still a bit forced and shy, but we were slowly becoming more comfortable with each other. We decided to visit Phipps first. We went in looked around, talked some more. I saw Emily there! By now we were laughing and have a wonderful time. It was that time, time to EAT! We went to Lenox to eat at this place called, “The Clubhouse.” We saw this old, white, Buckhead socialite eating lunch with her husband. It was quite a site to see. Imagine Karen Walker from ‘Will & Grace’ with about thirty more years, yeah, it was a bit gross. She had on all this makeup, and…. Sorry, getting off subject. But during lunch we talked about our family histories and such. It was very interesting to hear about his families past and such. We then went and looked around Lenox, that’s where I bought the Christina CD. Good move! SO we left there, neither of us wanted the day to end, so he came up with the idea of going to Outwrite Books downtown. So we made the trek down there and actually found it! We went in and looked at some books and made more jokes. We left there and then went to Decatur to go and see some of Brandon’s friends at his job. After that we went up to Roswell to the Starbucks on Mansell. Sitting there for about an hour we saw lots of people from my old high school. (I LOVE saying that, my old high school!) We got in the car and neither of us wanted to end the day. So I took us to my old high school. By this time the sun was setting and it was a wonderful view from where we were. We sat on the bleachers of the baseball field and talked. It was so peaceful and amazing. AH!! I can’t wait until our next outing! YAY, finally, some goodness!

Awesome, just awesome! Life is looking up. Brandon and I went on a date today, or I guess I should say yesterday...here's what we talked about afterwards.


zack6674: Hey!
BCLOver85: i cant really see this screen sumthin funny is wrong with it....hold on...
zack6674: k
BCLOver85 signed off at 11:27:43 PM.
BCLOver85 signed on at 11:27:51 PM.
BCLOver85: ok
BCLOver85: i dunno what was up
zack6674: Everything ok?
BCLOver85: now what did u say?
zack6674: I just said hey
BCLOver85: im glad to see u made it home safely:-)
BCLOver85: oh,hehe, ok
BCLOver85: hi
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: :-D
zack6674: Yeah, I would have been here sonner, but I had to get gas and people were REALLY slow on 85.
BCLOver85: lol,aww, thats sux,i sawwy
zack6674: lol...thanks!
BCLOver85: ;-)
zack6674: I just wanted to let you know again, I had a wonderful time.
BCLOver85: so did i! i really was just about to say that!
BCLOver85: lol
zack6674: lol
zack6674: I've never met anyone who I had such a connection with.
BCLOver85: neither have i...its almost scary:-)
zack6674: And I really respect you for the whole kissing thing, it was cool that you wanted to wait, and not rush tihngs.
BCLOver85: thank u! and that was SOOO hard for me to do, cuz i wanted to kiss u too...
zack6674: Awwww, thanks!
BCLOver85: :-D
zack6674: Your SO cute!
zack6674: Those eyes you have are just so wonderful!
BCLOver85: thank u! so are u! but i think the signs book cleared it up that u already know it! lol
BCLOver85: omg, thank u:-[
BCLOver85: *covers eyes* lol
zack6674: lol
zack6674: Did your mom ask who you were with?
BCLOver85: nah...i told her earlier i was going out to lunch with a friend...
zack6674: lol, it turned to be wayy more then lunch!
BCLOver85: lol, yeah!!!
BCLOver85: she didnt care though..she was just like "ok, make sure you make it home safely"
zack6674: lol
zack6674: Yeah, when I got home my Grandmother was dead to the world, I had to wake her up and tell her I was home. She looked, mumbled something, and then turned back over.
BCLOver85: lol!
BCLOver85: yeah my mom just stayed in bed...she probably just heard me and was like ok,good,lol
zack6674: lol
zack6674: I got lost coming out of your subdivision!
zack6674: I was being stupid and missed a turn.
zack6674: I just kept going straight and it took me to the main street my Auto Zone.
BCLOver85: lol, oh no!
zack6674: lol
zack6674: It was cool though.
zack6674: I always find my way!
BCLOver85: well,thats good !:-D
zack6674: Yeps
zack6674: I'm just so happy that today went so well!
BCLOver85: me too, its like...YAY! lol
zack6674: You've restored my faith in human kind! There are nice people out there!
BCLOver85: hehe,well thats good! and yes there are!!!!!
zack6674: lol
zack6674: YAY!
zack6674: Nice people!
BCLOver85: lol
BCLOver85: lol
BCLOver85: yup,yup
zack6674: Yup, yup
zack6674: But yeah, next time we go somewhere, you plan, and I'll drive!
BCLOver85: lol...ok, i suppose
BCLOver85: :-P
BCLOver85: sounds like invitation to disaster if u ask me though,lol
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: :-D
zack6674: Well, we will come up with something, even if it's just sitting around watching movies somewhere.
zack6674: It will be fun regardless.
BCLOver85: yeah...so true
zack6674: Ok
zack6674: So back to the "Love" book....
zack6674: What were some of the questions you asked....
BCLOver85: lol!
BCLOver85: :-P
zack6674: LOL
zack6674: Come now!
zack6674: Spill!
zack6674: hehe
BCLOver85: :-P
zack6674: Don't give me that look!
BCLOver85: :-D
BCLOver85: :-P
zack6674: lol
zack6674: Ok
zack6674: SOething
zack6674: *Something
zack6674: PLEASE!
BCLOver85: lol
BCLOver85: nope,nope
zack6674: What can I give, or something to make you spill?!!
BCLOver85: lol, nada
zack6674: Awwwww
zack6674: This is making me cry!
zack6674: :'(
BCLOver85: stop, dont do that:-(
zack6674: :'(
BCLOver85: lol, not gonna work,sawwy though
zack6674: awwww
zack6674: Ok, some day!
zack6674: Do you work tomorrow?
BCLOver85: yup,yup
zack6674: Oh cool
zack6674: I'll be sitting at home sleeping the whole time.
BCLOver85: :-P
zack6674: The CD is really good.
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: oh christina?
zack6674: Yeah
zack6674: Good stuff
BCLOver85: yeah, i told u!!!! hehe
zack6674: lol
zack6674: Oh
zack6674: My friend Ellen e-mailed me...this is what she said about tonight:
zack6674: Jon and I are good, and I'm sorry about you and your ex....but you looked pretty happy tonight!!!
zack6674: Do I normally look sad or something?
BCLOver85: lol
BCLOver85: thats cool though! that u looked happy tonight! hehe
zack6674: lol
zack6674: true
zack6674: I guess you bring out my happy side!
BCLOver85: hehe,awwww
BCLOver85: thats so sweet!:-)
zack6674: :-D
zack6674: :-*
BCLOver85: ;-)
zack6674: :-[
BCLOver85: hehe,whats wrong?
zack6674: Nohing, I was blushing from my thoughts..
BCLOver85: hehe, and what were U thinkin about?????
zack6674: Nothing
zack6674: :-X
zack6674: O:-)
BCLOver85: tell me!!!!
BCLOver85: lol
zack6674: :-P
BCLOver85: :-(
zack6674: :-zack6674: If you tell me, I'll tell you.
BCLOver85: what were u thinkin...no beatin
BCLOver85: lol
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: oh,lol! ur gooood
zack6674: BEATIN!
zack6674: hehe
BCLOver85: hehe, yeah, i was wondering if u would catch it
zack6674: OF course! I juat about always catch stuff like that, I am 17!
BCLOver85: lol,yeah
zack6674: hehe
BCLOver85: :-P
zack6674: Soooo, are we going to exchange info?
BCLOver85: lol, nah...im still not budging...although i REALLY wanna know what u were thinkina and all...im still not gonan letcha get me,hehe:-D
zack6674: Shucks!
BCLOver85: :-P
zack6674: Ok, I give.... for now at least.
BCLOver85: hehe, and while ur at it...go ahead and tell me what u were thinkin...
BCLOver85: :-D
zack6674: hmmm....
zack6674: Just thiniking about how great that baseball field looked!
BCLOver85: lol!!!!!!!!!
BCLOver85: lol
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: yeah, of course!
zack6674: hehe
BCLOver85: :-Ptell me now
zack6674: Why?
zack6674: hehe
BCLOver85: lol, because i wanna know
BCLOver85: :-)
zack6674: I guess...
BCLOver85: YAY!!!!!!!!!!
zack6674: lol
zack6674: I was just thinking that this eventually turns into something more and that it's something good. Ya know, it'a about time I met someone who was absolutely cool and we fit together, kinda like what the book in the store was talking about.
BCLOver85: AWWWWW!!!!
zack6674: yeah..
BCLOver85: thats so sweet!
zack6674: Thanks, just speaking my mind, I guess.
zack6674: I really like you, and I hope this works out,
zack6674: *.
BCLOver85: i like u too! and it really is sweet...and now i feel bad because u have told me and im not tellin u what i asked the darn book,lol*thinks about how he still isnt budging* lol
zack6674: lol
zack6674: That's ok, if you don't want to tell, it's cool.
zack6674: I guess!
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: lol,aww, ur so sweet!
BCLOver85: :-)
zack6674: i guess
zack6674: BUT
zack6674: Am I going to find out anytime soon?
BCLOver85: hehe,yeah
BCLOver85: well maybe
zack6674: YAY!!!!!!!!!
zack6674: I got a maybe!!!!!!!!!
BCLOver85: hehe,ur so cute:-)
zack6674: I try!
zack6674: lol
BCLOver85: ;-)
zack6674: What ya doing?
BCLOver85: nuthin, chattin with tons of friends...
BCLOver85: u?
zack6674: Aren't you Mr. Popular!
zack6674: Just looking at the screen bored out of my mind.
BCLOver85: lol, im sorry
zack6674: That's cool
zack6674: Christina's making it better though.
BCLOver85: :-)cool,cool
BCLOver85: i luv that cd though....
BCLOver85: and im sleepy now,lol
zack6674: Yeah, I'm listening to number 19, "I'm Ok." Very good song, I feel like I'm going to start crying in a bit.
zack6674: Yeah, me too
zack6674: I think I'll sleep in a bi t
zack6674: *bit
BCLOver85: lol
BCLOver85: coolness
zack6674: YAY
zack6674: Coolness
BCLOver85: :-D
zack6674: What's your e-mail address?
BCLOver85: wilaboy@hotmail.com
zack6674: Thanks
BCLOver85: ;-)
zack6674: I'll probably send you an e-mail tomorrow. Please don'tbe sacred if it's really random, I'll probablt be super bored by that time, so it will be kind of random...
zack6674: and don't be afraid if you have numerous e-mails also, I've been known to send lot's of e-mails to the same person when I'm bored.
zack6674: Is that cool?
zack6674: If not, then I understand.
BCLOver85: hehe ok, would love to get one
BCLOver85: or lots,lol
zack6674: lol
zack6674: Ok, cool!
BCLOver85: :-D
BCLOver85: but now? i go to bed,lol
zack6674: lol
zack6674: aww
zack6674: sad times
BCLOver85: :-(
zack6674: Your going to bed????



zack6674: :'(
BCLOver85: i will miss yaz...
BCLOver85: yeah
zack6674: Me too....
zack6674: Awww
zack6674: Well...I'm also going to miss ya...
BCLOver85: night night miguel:-)
zack6674: Goodnight...sweet dreams!
BCLOver85: hehe, u too!;-)night
BCLOver85 signed off at 12:55:20 AM.